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Something’s not right

Community Elder

You may not remember me...

I haven't been active on the forums for quite some time, but I thought I would pop in and say hello. I start a new course on Monday, I am working with young children two mornings a week, I am more connected with friends than I have ever been... so why am I here about to lament? Stupid MI is why!

 

My illness currently stands as treatment resistant paranoid schizophrenia and reactive depression and generalised anxiety disorder. Being treatment resistant means medication either doesn't work at all or only works for a certain length of time before I have to change medications entirely. I've even been on the last resort medications... with limited success (one of the meds caused a heart infection which nearly caused a cardiac arrest so I had to come off it quickly). 

 

My graduation ceremony is next week and I am worried I am not going to make it to the event. I am terrified I am going to be hospitalised. My shrink even indicated that might be the case if my current medication increase doesn't lessen my symptoms. I may as well be taking Tic Tacs I believe, as I voices and delusionary thinking is continuing unabated. My voices are giving me the most horrible commands... things I don't want to discuss as its too depressing.

 

Why does mental illness have to be so complicated? 

Anyhoo, thanks for reading. x

41 REPLIES 41
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Re: You may not remember me...

@Queenie  💜💜💜💕💕💕

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Re: You may not remember me...

Hey @Queenie of course I remember you!
im sorry how tough it is for you, I cant imagine how worried and stressed you are that this medication increase wont be as helpful as what your hoping.
mental health definently is complicated. I will keep my fingers toes and everything crossed for you that the medications will work and that you can make it to your graduation ceremony. you worked so incredibly hard to finish your course.
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Re: You may not remember me...

I even remember your original queen profile pic!

Smiley Very Happy

@Queenie 

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DOnt be too hard on yourself mate.

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Great to hear you are working with small kids.

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I actually never went to my graduation.

Smiley Surprised

Not for fear.  I was too busy with small children.

Hearing you about pills lack of effectiveness ... and symptoms needing diff treatment.

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Re: You may not remember me...

Thinking of you @Queenie 

Congratulations on finishing your course

Not forgotten Heart

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Re: You may not remember me...

Thank you @Maggie @outlander @Appleblossom @frog  for your kind replies, I appreciate it.

I was supposed to go to a Melbourne Cup luncheon today but cancelled it, as I'm in no condition to go anywhere unfortunately. I am also signed off from volunteering at the moment, as my voices are really aggressive and wearing me down. More than a few times I've found myself reacting to something they have said or commented on. This is fuelling my paranoia too. I guess at least I still have insight so that's something.

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Re: You may not remember me...

hey @Queenie im sorry you wont be going to the luncheon but sounds like you've made the right decision for yourself. insight is great but sometimes doesn't make things any easier unfortunately.
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Re: You may not remember me...

@Queenie  I’m sorry you missed the luncheon also, but as you have said, you have insight, it’s a huge plus. 👍👍

Take care @Queenie . 💕💕💕

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Re: You may not remember me...

@Queenie I have not had to cope with voices intruding and the distress and confusion that would mean.  Kudos to you for having insight, and yet if the intensity is high then maybe something needs to give ....

 

I sometimes um and ah about social decisions I make, but ultimately if it is just a social thing then the main consideration is whether or not you/I/we would feel better in going through with it.  I did not go to a group meal this week. I gave myself a hard time, but I also achieved a great deal this week, so in the broader scheme of things maybe it does not matter.  

 

I am getting better at the idea that a social situation is one where I should have some joy or pleasure and if it is going to be an ordeal then there has to be important reasons that it should be endured  ... sorry rambling ... hope it is relevant ... over time I am seeing that I can enjoy myself.

 

Hope your day was alright, better than alright, whatever you did.

Smiley Happy

 

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Re: You may not remember me...

Hey @Appleblossom , you're right in saying something has got to give. I have just got to hold out in whatever capacity I can until the 21 November. After that date, the Mrs says I can go into hospital and have my medication reviewed (I don't believe it is working effectively despite an increase recently). 

I'd like to think everything will be okay until then, but being realistic too. If things hit the proverbial fan, I know I have to go into hospital earlier than the Mrs wants.

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