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Re: You may not remember me...

@Queenie  Hello you are not forgotten. I know this isnt going to do anything long term...... but it is possible for you to go somewhere quite like in nature and just yell a big F-U to the voices? I know it isnt helpful excalty but it might feel a little relieving? but of course if your voices are likely to get mad then maybe not a good idea. I am not sure about you but meds really dont help me at all so I have to find other ways to manage that stuff and to an extent mine seem to be happier and less intense if i just listen to them and dont try and ignore them all the time. I dont have to do everything they say but sometimes just giving them the time to feel heard can make them less angry. I have had to try and find a way to understand them and where they come from because sometimes they actually have a reason for being the way they are. and pretending they arent real just makes them upset. mostly they are just trying to protect me but it can come out in a bad way, if i can understand what they are worried about we can normally come to some form of understanding and they relax. 

 

Idk if any of that will be possible for you. but maybe trying something different could be a start. 

Re: You may not remember me...

@Queenie  Hey Queenie sorry to hear you have not been doing well. It has taken me a few days to get back to you as I have missed you over the past months and I find that I have to protect myself when formites who I am particularly fond of go away. Please do not go away again for so long as I enjoy hearing about what is happening in your life. Your friend peax

Re: You may not remember me...

@Eden1919  I had real shivers reading your post about handling your voices. It has so much wisdom and courage.

Heart

@greenpea Hugs Bella

Heart

@Queenie Hearing you and hugs for whatever happens, but wishing you best of luck.

Heart

Re: You may not remember me...

Hello @Eden1919  you have shared some real pearls of wisdom. I am going out with my support worker today, I can always request to take me somewhere quiet to yell FU to the voices. I don't know how they will react to be honest. Maybe for a short time they will quieten down? It worth a try I think. Lately, I've been listening to music (all kinds of music from Simon and Garfunkel and Neil Diamond to The Amity Affliction and Disturbed which is kind of like death metal). This is an effort to distract and also drown out the voices. They never have anything positive to say, so I figure why should I have to listen to them? I am medication resistant apparently which means meds only work for a certain length of time or not at all. It's tough, really tough, as I am sure you can relate to.

Thanks for replying and sharing your wisdom, I will be sure to take your advice on board.

Re: You may not remember me...

Hey @greenpea my friend! I am sorry I went away for so long, I was feeling sorry for myself and wrapped up in my own 'stuff'. 

How are you? I am still getting up to speed with everyone, there are so many new members which I don't know now (which is super scary for me, but is my own fault as I stayed away so long so didn't get to know them when they arrived).

It's been decided I will voluntarily go into hospital after the Mrs' birthday in mid November for treatment. I will be taking my devices with me, so should be able to stay in touch here on the forums.

Re: You may not remember me...

Thank you @Appleblossom for hearing me and sharing my journey... I appreciate that. I hope everything will work out for the best for me. Heart

Re: You may not remember me...

@Queenie  music is helpful for me as well. sometimes sitting out in nature listening to music can be really cleansing/refreshing for me especially after i have been crying. 

Re: You may not remember me...

@Queenie  🙂 life is going along okay with its ups and downs.  I hope your hospital stay goes well for you and please yes stay in touch as we love our Queenie and are always interested in how you are going. Love peaxx

Re: You may not remember me...

I tip my hat to you @Queenie living with treatment resistant schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorder, that is so hard, I think you are an incredible person. Some patients really stick in your mind and it was heart breaking to see the same people cycling in and out of hospital with psychosis and nothing is working. 

 

I think taking a break from the online world is healthy. I come and go from the forums, and if you are living with those sorts of symptoms they will put you flat on your bum for weeks/months if it escalates,your doc is wise to act early, we all learn that lesson the bloody hard way. 

 

My doctor wants me to do planned admissions too as a retainer and not wait until a crisis happens. Social isolation seems to set me off, and he thinks maybe because the early life neglect was from such a young age & so persistent that living alone triggers some brain chemistry in me that other people may not experience & that environmental interventions may help keep me well because I live alone.

 

I have experienced hallucinations and lived with that torment a few years ago, but he believes mine are dissociation & trauma based and their quality is different, your symptoms sound so cruel, inhumane & exhausting. My dissociation goes berserk when I am deprived of human contact & affection for too long......planned admissions are really a tough thing to accept and I can understand why you don't want to go back to hospital, I have been in 3 and a half months this year and this week my doc believes I might be having a delayed allergic reaction to the meds.....I don't know what he's gonna do this week.

 

Go easy on yourself @Queenie . You don't have pure psychosis. Yours is complicated with traumatic loss and childhood trauma & abandonment and maybe the occasional environmental intervention could be beneficial for your holistic well being. I know hospital is by far a therapeutic environment, but maybe a break from the triggers and habits at home will be good, I hope it is.

 

I tip my hat to your strength @Queenie , managing chronic and complex mental health conditions is wearying and depletes everyone's energy reserves.

 

Take care

 

Corny Heart

Re: You may not remember me...

Hey @Corny thank you for replying and following my story. 

You're probably right when you describe my psychotic symptoms (hallucinations). I have a lot of deep seated trauma in my life that I've never been able to process safely (and to be honest I doubt I ever will). I've forgiven my abusers (for my own sake rather than theirs) but not forgotten. 

I do have a strong family history, so I know genetics have not dealt me many aces, but its not the in all and end all of my issues. A lot of it have been trauma based, I know that. Issues like my mother dying literally in front of me when I was a child, my brother dying when I was a teen from a terminal illness, abuse and neglect from a stepmother, domestic violence and abuse from partners... it all adds up to several chinks in the armour. 

Last time I tried to let my skeletons out the closet, it was a disaster. I commenced EMDR therapy with an inexperienced practitioner and I believe it caused more psychological damage. It literally brought on an episode which saw me hospitalised for months. Not a pleasant experience at all! Another psychologist I saw later on said that EMDR was the wrong kind of therapy for "someone like me". I thought that was rather degrading really.

I take breaks from the online world regularly. I know it worries people (so I should say if I am going away and apologise that I don't). I find I have to, especially when the symptoms are strong. I just hope people understand I haven't gone away deliberately to ghost them or anything.

 

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