Lived Experience Forum

[tyme]

Welcome @777 @monsie !

Great to have you with us!

Thank you for sharing a little about yourself with the awesome community here.

I hope you'll find connection, belonging and empowerment on these forums.

You deserve it!

Please reach out if you require any support as you browse around. There's pretty much something happening every day of the week! Here are some highlights:

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tyme

[Zowie]

Hello. I’m new here. Really not sure how to go about this or how much to disclose. I am need of support. I suffer from c-ptsd and clinical medicated depression.  Had anorexia which flipped into bulimia for 26 years. A lot of counselling but here I am at 60 going through some really toxic stuff from my narcissistic sister whom I moved back to Sydney to be near a year ago after 30 years. The smear campaign and flying monkeys are out again and I’ve finally gone no contact AGAIN after decades of bullying, controll, judgement , gossip no accountability etc etc. I’m feeling very alone, confused, rejected and the biggest thing ‘ it’s all my fault’ again. This time I retaliated and it didn’t go down well. I am the family scapegoat and for some reason I guess I keep being vulnerable want everything to be loving and functional. It never happens. I hope you can direct me somewhere where I can get help. Thankyou for listening
Zowie

Ps: Thats the short story. Lol

[Zowie]

I do 🖐

[tyme]

Hi @Zowie !

Welcome to the forums. 

I'm sorry to hear of the challenges you have faced and are facing, yet I am also mindful of your courage in reaching out. 

You have come to the right place where you can connect with others and perhaps re-establish a sense of belonging within a community.

Do you have any particular supports you'd like to receive, or any particular interests so that I can direct you to relevant areas of the forums?

All the best as you browse around.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

tyme

[Qoup]

Hi, I straddle both the lived experience and the carers and family groups. At the moment I need support for my lived experience. after the breakup of my 20yr marriage I was diagnosed with depression and more recently anxiety as well. I am medicated for both. I mostly manage to be on an even keel and haven’t needed to see anyone beyond my gp since my last psych retired about a year ago. However at the start of the year my younger daughter (25) got diagnosed with diabetes and then rushed to hospital for it, where of course I couldn’t go with her. She’s stabilised and doing well, but then she got covid at the end of January…and I spiked in anxiety. So I tried to get to see a new psych but I’ve been waiting for an appointment and it’s been cancelled on me and now I’m waiting for a new appointment. I have been the carer as well as the mother of my elder daughter (28) since the end of my marriage, when I gave up my job and moved with my girls interstate. She suffers from chronic fatigue syndrome as well as severe anxiety and depression, and now agoraphobia. She is medicated and getting excellent treatment but her anxiety has meant her vaccination was delayed. So we made the decision to send my covid infected daughter to my parents who were triple vaxxed to protect my elder daughter. I spent that entire week in high anxiety that I’d made the wrong decision and endangered my parents. It was beyond awful. Added to that was th guilt of not looking after my diabetic daughter. Anyway, we survived that, daughter the elder has had her first vaccination but a comedy of errors (drs canceling appointments) has meant she still hasn’t had her second vaccine. And the rest of us are waiting on our boosters because she’s the priority to get her second shot. Unfortunately now my niece, who has been living in our granny flat since she left home a year ago has now contracted covid. And I’m worried I have too, despite having had no contact with her in the supposedly contagious time. I may be feverish or I may just be anxious. And I don’t want to take the test tonight because there’s nothing I can do and it will just share the anxiety to my at risk daughters if I am positive. Man, that’s a lot, I’m sorry. I spoke to someone on the care line last time but I felt guilty for taking up their time. 

[Delicatessen]

Hi Everyone.  

I’m delicatessen. I originally joined up some years back. Decided to look into the bipolar forum which was wonderful. Have decided to look into this space again.

I’m curious. And passionate. And love hearing others stories and points of view.

I am a person who happens to have bipolar affective disorder - I’m doing everything I can to ensure it’s just one dimension of me and doesn’t define me. But I find it hard to not get confused and down about all this at times.

I am also a recovering alcoholic and am 13 years sober. Did you know that a large proportion of bipolar can have an addiction problem? Don’t know (literally) where I’d be if I hadn’t stopped drinking. Nothing looks the same since I gave it up - very much for the better.

I have found it very difficult to get support (more in terms of understanding) in terms of navigating two challenges (both bipolar and alcoholism) that co-occur - if that’s the right way of putting it. Given that I am not unique, I’d really love to connect with anyone with ideas or comments on either or both topics. I still feel alone and a little lost in this respect at times.

Anyways. On a final note. I love walking/hiking. Trekked many kms last weekend. Was in heaven!

[ShiningStar]

Hi @Qoup 

I just wanted to reach out and welcome you to the forums - it’s great to have you here 💜

I’m so sorry to hear about everything that’s been happening for you and as I listened to this part of your story, I could hear such a profound sense of anguish, fear and anxiety in relation to the health and wellbeing of your family 💜

In my experience, feeling as though we’ve endangered the health of our loved ones, or that we’ve been unable to care for them in the way that’s important to us, can be absolutely devastating and as such, the thoughts and feelings associated with this can be incredibly difficult to reconcile.  

The more I listened to this part of your story, I more I got the overwhelming sense that you’ve had to navigate some extremely complicated and challenging situations and just from what you’ve described, it sounds as though you’ve done everything within your power to ensure that your loved ones are cared for as safely as possible 💜

Oh Qoup 💜 I can really appreciate your reservations in relation to completing a rapid antigen test to determine if you’re living with covid19 and my heart goes out to you 💜 It wasn’t too long ago, when I found myself in a similar situation to the one that you’ve described and as such, I can still remember how incredibly scared I felt.

Interestingly however, I wasn’t scared for myself, but I was terrified about the consequences and what this would mean for my loved ones if I happened to test positive. As such, I just ever so gently wondered if you’ve been able to make a decision in relation to completing this particular test?

I felt incredibly moved when you shared that you reached out and ‘spoke to someone on the care line but I felt guilty for taking their time’ and this is something that I’ve wrestled with too.

In my experience, it can be extremely challenging to reach out for the care and support that we so desperately need and as such, there have been numerous times in my life when I felt terribly guilty for ‘wasting’ people’s time and taking valuable resources away from people who I felt needed and ‘deserved’ them more than I did.

However, through time, I’ve come to realise that although my experiences are different to those around me, they’re equally as important and as such, I’m also worthy of receiving care and support 💜 With this in mind, I just ever so gently wanted to reassure you that you’re always welcome to share your experiences here with us - no matter what their size 💜

I’m so pleased to hear that you’re in the process of scheduling an appointment to see a Psychologist and I hope that you’ll be able to receive the care and support that you need in the very near future 💜

Also, just while I remember, one of the things that really helped me when I was new to the forums and still finding my way around, was that if you would like to chat with another forum member, or reply to one of their posts, place @ in front of their username just like I did at the start of my post to you i.e. @Qoup that way, they will receive a message that you have contacted them 😊

I hope that this has helped you a little bit and I look forward to being able to talk with you again 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜

[Qoup]

@ShiningStar 

thank you so much for the beautiful and thoughtful response to my gasp for air. I was very lucky to get an appointment with my psych on Tuesday, who was also very kind and caring. She gave me some ideas I hadn’t tried before to help with my overwhelmed feelings and I am heading back to “normal”. It helps that my niece is one of the lucky ones and has had a mild case of covid. Lying in the dark and repeating the mantra that everyone is fine for an hour also helped (my daughter explained this is a type of grounding, which makes sense. She is much more practiced with mental health treatments). I am truly grateful that you took the time to write such a long and kind message. Thank you

[ShiningStar]

Hi @Delicatessen,

I just wanted to reach out and welcome you back to the forums it’s great to have you here 💜

I really love how you described yourself as ‘curious’ and ‘passionate’ and that you ‘love hearing others stories and points of view.’

One of the things that I really appreciate about our community is that it’s an incredibly diverse and vibrant space that’s full of wonderful people and lively conversations and as such, I have no doubt that you’ll find yourself in great company here 😊

Speaking of which, participating in some of our social threads can be a wonderful way to ease yourself into community life and connect with other members of our community 😊

As such, I’ve included the link to this particular thread below, just in case you would like to explore some of these opportunities further:

https://saneforums.org/t5/Social-Spaces/Looking-for-a-space-to-connect-with-others-Find-a-list-of/m-...

As I listened to this part of your story, I was really impressed to discover that you trekked many kilometres last weekend and as such, I just wondered what sort of treks do you enjoy?

Wow! Thirteen years sober - this is such an amazing achievement! Although I don’t have a lived experience in relation to alcohol dependence, I’ve invited a few wonderful members of our community @TheJuZShoW  @Ugly_Trout and @Rob-1969 to swing by, as they may be able to offer you some support in relation to some of your experiences. I’ve also invited one of our wonderful Peer Support Workers @ButterflyBeauty to drop by, as they may also be able to offer you some support 😊

Absolutely 💜 It can be incredibly difficult to separate the mental health conditions that we’re living with from who we are as people - especially when these parts of ourselves often overlap.

As such, I often find myself trying to re-establish and strengthen my boundaries so that I can draw a distinction between who I am as a person and the mental health conditions that I live with. Needless to say there are times when I feel incredibly frustrated in relation to how easily all of my different parts seem to blur together and sorting them out feels as though I’m completing a fifty thousand piece jigsaw puzzle!

As I listened to some of your experience in relation to this, I felt really curious when you shared ‘I’m doing everything I can to ensure it’s just one dimension of me and doesn’t define me’ and as such, I just ever so gently wondered if you would feel comfortable to share a little bit more around how you’ve been able to achieve this?

Although I don’t live with bipolar affective disorder, I can really appreciate how valuable it can be to talk with people who share similar experiences to our own. As such, I just wanted to share a few resources with you, in the hope that some of these may be helpful 😊

Earlier last year, one of our wonderful Community Elders (bipolarbunny) created a thread specifically in relation to bipolar disorder, which they aptly titled ‘Ask me almost anything about Bipolar.’

Unfortunately, bipolarbunny is currently on leave and so although I can’t introduce you, I thought that you may like to read other people’s stories as through doing so, you may find other members of our community who are experiencing similar challenges to your own 💜

As such, I’ve included the link to this particular thread below, just in case you would like to explore this further:

https://saneforums.org/t5/Looking-after-ourselves/Ask-Me-Almost-Anything-About-Bipolar/m-p/1059228

I also wondered if one of our special events known as Topic Tuesday may be of interest to you 😊

Basically, Topic Tuesday is a live online discussion that’s facilitated by a guest speaker who has expertise in the topic that’s being discussed.

Earlier last year, our Topic Tuesday focused on bipolar disorder and as such, the conversations were guided by a guest speaker from an organisation called Bipolar Australia.

During this time, our Community Manager and our guest speaker created a safe and respectful space whereby they gently invited members of the community to share their experiences.

Although this particular event was held in March last year, I just wondered if you may like to read through the conversations and the information provided by our guest speaker.

As such, I’ve included the link to this event below, just in case you would like to explore this further:

https://saneforums.org/t5/Special-Events/Topic-Tuesday-Let-s-Talk-About-Bipolar-Tues-23rd-March-7-00...

Coincidentally, our Topic Tuesday earlier this week celebrated World Bipolar Day 😊 As such, our Community Manager, Peer Support Workers and two guest speakers from Bipolar Australia facilitated some wonderful conversations in relation to bipolar disorder.

I’ve included the link to this particular even below, just in case you would like to explore this further:

https://saneforums.org/t5/Special-Events/Topic-Tuesday-World-Bipolar-Day-with-Bipolar-Australia-Tues...

Also, just while I remember, one of the things that really helped me when I was new to the forums and still finding my way around, was that if you would like to chat with another forum member, or reply to one of their posts, place @ in front of their username just like I did at the start of my post to you i.e. @Delicatessen that way, they will receive a message that you have contacted them 😊

I hope this is helpful for you, but please reach back to me if I’ve missed the mark or if there’s anything else that I can support you with and I’ll do my very best to guide you in the right direction 💜

Take kind and gentle care of yourself,

ShiningStar 💜

[Delicatessen]

Hi @ShiningStar 

@Thank you so much for providing me with all that information. Lots to think about and some great opportunities to connect.

I loved the bipolar options you’ve given me. This topic area is somewhere I like to focus on. I have so many thoughts I’d like to share and discuss and having other members of the community to connect with in this space is terrific.

I will touch base with the members you suggested to connect with regarding alcohol dependence. The strategies I adopt currently are working for me at the moment but another point of view is invaluable.

Thanks for asking what treks I enjoy.  I have trekked in rainforests, frozen woodlands, enchanted forests, clouds, rain, snow, around Lakes, open grasslands, mountains, the bush, along gorges and loads more.

I’ve been air lifted into start points, crossed massive rivers with makeshift bridges, navigated collections of creek crossings and walked until I damaged seven out of ten of my toes.  I change and grow every time I walk or hike.  Sometimes I’m so tired at the end of the day and in so much pain I go into automatic pilot.

I have to say that sometimes I wonder why on earth I have such a strong compulsion to walk and hike. An indigenous Elder has recently informed me that it’s because I’m a”black fella” (I identify as First Nation). More specifically, all I’m doing is what thousands before me have done - connecting with the earth.

So it would appear that walking and hiking is vital. And I can report there’s something I always feel when I walk…good…and at peace. I think it’s also a critical part of me managing my mental state.

would welcome other thoughts.

Sorry for the long response. I just had to share.

Delicatessen