Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

My dearest Mel, I wasn't aware that you knew that this thread existed. I did tag you in the beginning but since there was no interaction with you here I just thought it was a good place for me to hide and be here at the same time. Then I didn't want you to know because I knew it would worry you and I was right. Please know it is never my goal to stress you out, sometimes it's easier to say what's happening for me with a song. Thank you for your friendship and support. Love you so much 💜Nikki

@Lee82 

[Lee82]

Please don't ever apologise for worrying me. It's because I love you and care about you so much that I worry. If I didn't worry what kind of friend would I be. 
they are some powerful songs you have chosen. I'm sorry I hadn't been in this thread. When you started it I listened to a couple songs but couldn't handle it. I ended up in tears every time and so I just couldn't bring myself to contribute. 
I really hope it helps you to post these songs hun and get out what you are feeling. I hope you are able to leave it hear and walk away. I am so glad you have found another way to express your emotions. I will pop in here from time to time to listen to your songs. 
loving you always and forever gorgeous 

@Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

I go to other threads and only tell the surface stuff, and beleive that is enough most of the time. I don't pretend to be ok but I never really let on how bad my head space is because my friends just don't need to hear it. They are all such wonderfully supportive people and it kind of brakes my heart that so many of them have suffered and that some of Izzy's earlier posts have maybe added to their stress. I have tired to let that go but I can't. There is just to much happening right now, mental health stuff, physical health, emontional health stuff. I am luckier than most I know because I have support irl, I am surronded by people that really want to help me. I know its selfish as most here would give anything for the kind of support I have but I am just so over being watched, asked what can I do to help you or my favourite  "what can you do to get better"  Like they don't think I have been trying to get better. I don't fit into anyone's boxes, I don't get better in their time frame, I am too hard, I must being lying. I have heard it all at some point, I am so tried all of it all. Nikki 

https://youtu.be/QTYuD2kFc5c

[Former-Member]

https://youtu.be/5gyANphz_Kk

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member , please delete the post above. I should have put this on the fourm. Sorry

[Sphinxly]

Heya @Former-Member  I've removed your post. I'm just going to check in via email about it.

Talk soon,

Sphinxly🐣

[Former-Member]

It's just one of those days. Was on such a high yesterday and I am paying for it today. My mind decided that we would not be that happy again. The nightmares it created last night where horrific, my mind took my abuse history and in place of all those evil people they placed my favourite movie characters. So I got to relive my abuse but this time with "people" I admire, enjoy watching ect. I am struggling so much right now that I can't believe that I did this to myself. I am meant to see my dad and step mum tomorrow morning and the way I am feeling it probably won't happen. Just so over this sh*t. I got asked yesterday if I enjoy being on edge and miserable!!!! I looked the person dead in the eyes and said how would you like to feel like your a worthless piece of sh*t, how would you like to feel like a burden to those closest and finally how would you like to feel like waking up everyday want to end it all? They didn't say anything they didn't even apologise.  People are so cruel to what they don't understand. 

https://youtu.be/ccNiyJCK4_M

[Jupiter]

What a rough night for you @Former-Member and such a horrible experience with someone who clearly doesn't understand what its like to be going through what you are right now  Hang in there. Good song by the way!!

[Former-Member]

Lost for words again, just empty and cold 

https://youtu.be/L4U3OcHxY1A

[Former-Member]

Not coping today, putting on a brave face for everyone's benefit but it's getting tiring. They just don't understand 

https://youtu.be/2BnRyb1puIA