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GRiMMiCK
Casual Contributor

Inattentive ADHD & BPD

Hello, this is my first time on anything like this, however it has proven to be extremely difficult to find anyone like me.

I have recently been diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD, my previous diagnosis had been BPD, Schizophrenic Tendencies, Generalised Anxiety and Dysthymia (Chronic Depression). 

 

Ok so I struggle with everyday life and I tend to screw up anything and everything I touch. Let's go back a little, I have been in 26 different primary schools and lived in over 50 "homes", (I am 32 now), I have gone through many..... many relationships and jobs. When everything is going good I WILL self destruct and destroy everything around me, I then simply move on to rinse and repeat. I feel incredibly lost in life, no real passion (besides apocalyptic scenarios) no real goals, and no real direction besides the direction of others (although are logical hobbies and directions for me).

I am extremely up and down in emotion very rapidly, up until recently I had been spending my days pacing in circles in deep thoughts and generally in fantasy land.

I would agree to do things and really want to do things but always fail to even start (still doing it, I just don't commit to anything anymore).

Everything is a gargantuan effort and even then my mind is spirraling out of control.

I am currently in a situation of taking new medication, the docs say it'll take a month to get worse before it starts getting better though I am working away from home with my father (fantastic support) but every night/day I impulsively want to get in my car and drive home, essentially running away like I always do, I can see he is trying really hard to understand but I know it is a disappointment. My wife is extremely supportive aswell however it is taxing on her aswell. I feel like a burden and I don't know how long I can keep doing this.

There is so much more I want to explain but I am exhausted, I have explained this all before to professionals though I never get out the full story, I thought id start with that for now. Thank you for reading if you got this far.

10 REPLIES 10

Re: Inattentive ADHD & BPD

I'd like to post on here incase others see the conversation like you just did.

Well mate I am physically very capable of a lot.... Although "lazy", mentally I am blocked like I am in a cage from iron maidan. It took me this long to start getting the help I need so I feel as though I have wasted many years in pacing purgatory. Why do t you tell me about yourself.

Re: Inattentive ADHD & BPD

Hello @GRiMMiCK Sometimes it takes time for a person to respond from the community or the various mods or peer wkrs.

 

Great you have some support from family.  Guess you gotta figure out the self destruct dynamic.

 

I have been moved around a lot too. it can make for all sorts of reactions. Telling stories about ourselves is a way of socialising.  What kind of work are you doing?

 

Welcome.

Re: Inattentive ADHD & BPD

Hey Appleblossom,

 

I am currently (meant to be helping my father with renovations) although I haven't done anything in 3 days but be locked only head, everyday I want to leave to return home. And every day I feel more and more useless and a burden mixed with being quite the disappointment. Getting back on track, I've never held down a job, regardless of doing well or not. So now I am frightened to re-enter the workforce. I am however going to be going into blacksmithing and jewelry crafting from home (hopefully soon). What about yourself?  

Re: Inattentive ADHD & BPD

@GRiMMiCK welcome to the forums ❤️ It's nice to have you here!

 

It's really great that you've reached out to support in a new place. It can be a really difficult thing to do ❤️ 

 

Things sound like they've been so difficult for a long time. It's no wonder you're not sure if you can keep it up. I've felt in similar cycles before and I've felt super hopeless. It sounds similar to what you're feeling. How have you been going with it for so long?

 

It sounds really awesome that you've got supportive people in your life. I'm wondering if you've been able to get any support for your BPD? 

 

PS On the forums, if you press "@" and then type a username, the person you want to reply too gets a notification. For example, @Appleblossom, I think the above message is for you ❤️  

Re: Inattentive ADHD & BPD

@GRiMMiCK 

 

Blacksmithing and jewellery sound great.  

 

I live with my adult son and try and get him to do practical stuff too, altho it is not his bent.  Its just that stuff is part of the necessities of life.  I am not particularly good at them meself but have to have a go, cos nobody else is doing it for me. Beats paying through the nose for others to do stuff that you could do.  My brother was good at practical stuff. My dad died young.  I get that some people take to it and others do not. Still we all have to stretch a little, housing is an essential, but not so much that we break.

 

Is your father giving you a hard time?  I certainly have not felt my son is a burden and disappointment.  It just is not my way of thinking.  I understand his journey and why things are the way they are.  

 

I have worked and studied in many fields but not full time for 30 years and know that feeling of it being hard to break back into workforce.

Re: Inattentive ADHD & BPD

My father is not giving me a hard time I just overthink and get paranoid about others thoughts. He is very practical, infact our whole side of the family is. My biggest problem is wanting to retreat home instead of working with him, though I am transitioning on maximum dose for ADHD I've been on the slow release version of this medication for less then a week now. I don't quite have a good balance of medications so I am very up and down. And I am 1000km away from home. 

I always bail on what I need to do and I scream at myself in my head for it every time. I am either Manic high and happy or deep in depression.

Re: Inattentive ADHD & BPD

@TuxedoCat 

Hey thank you. I don't know how things haven't turned to death except my support network have kept me going all this time. I am just exhausted. I know life gets better if you work at it, I just need to get past my own barriers and push forward. Could you elaborate on your circumstances please?

Re: Inattentive ADHD & BPD

Yeah I can, thank you for asking @GRiMMiCK ❤️ 

 

First off, I love how you want to work at your MH and push through some barriers ❤️ I hope we can support you through that a bit ❤️ 

 

I'm one of the peer workers here and do some moderation on the forums too. So I have my own experience of mental health things, with ADHD on the list! I really relate to what you've shared about feeling shame when you don't meet your own or others expectations. Over the last few years, I've worked really hard on managing my ADHD and figuring out how to manage my big emotions. 

 

Not sure if that answers your question?

Re: Inattentive ADHD & BPD

@TuxedoCat 

Good morning Tux, 

If you don't mind me asking, do you have any comorbid conditions? For example I am newly diagnosed with ADHD, however BPD and other conditions are an uphill battle for me and have really shown on a hardcore level since transitioning into the new medication. Back to what I wanted to ask is could you give me any suggestions on coping skills? (That perhaps aren't generally suggested by a text book psych).

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