Lived Experience Forum

[Powderfinger]

I drew this ten minutes ago. 

[Historylover]

@Powderfinger   Hey Ramble!  That's a bit tough!  Who did this to you?  They just don't know you my friend!

[Former-Member]

@Powderfinger , I can definitely relate. Sorry the world has been cruel to you

[Powderfinger]

@Historylover people in my life over the last 34 years. I'm 40 now. The abuse from first known memory started at 6. Entire family, strangers, lovers, people that only knew and know hate. I've paid a heavy price for loving people. I'm changing slowly. I didn't know a few things. I'm learning now. 

[Powderfinger]

@Former-Member Yep, the world is a tough gig. Sorry you can relate. 

[Historylover]

@Powderfinger   That hurts me so much that this has happened to you, Ramble. 

We just have to work our way out of the bad times, don't we?  And we will!  Relationships can be such a minefield and we go in unaware of the possibility of being hurt.  Just know that we will help you carry that load - and things will get better.  

I'm looking forward to a brighter picture in the future.  That one should never have been caused.  Others just aren't worthy of you.

[Powderfinger]

@Historylover I'm never sure how to respond to anyone hurting for me. I've heard there are caring people. It's just hard to not get confused. Abusers can be very kind and show love now and then too but it's just more abuse. Please do not think I am naming you an abuser, just referencing to the confusion. I'm trying. 

Aye, I'm too tired to navigate. To be honest, I actually don't need many people in my life. I've spent most of it alone. That picture should never have been caused and I truly wish it hadn't. I'm still trying to get my head around people not being worthy of me. When I think about it, I feel egotistical, mean, snobbish and probably a few more things. Then again, I'm truly starting to realise I need to change. I don't know how but I need to. I can't take anymore hits and blows. 

It's very stressful having to read articles to understand how someone is treating me and if I'm being abused or if it is a normal issue that everyone goes through. Currently, my partner who lives with me wants space and time with no time frame. I read that when a partner wants space and time to give it to them. Then I read a time frame is good though. But she said no time frame. So, I don't ask because I'm too scared. Then I think is this fair to me. Then I feel selfish. I'm actually not usually like this to be honest. I had a nervous breakdown 2 ish weeks ago. I've not really recovered from it. The relationship has been difficult. I've been very hurt over quite a few things. I know I really did do my best and that's good enough for me. It's up to me to get my self worth and self esteem back on top again. 

Trying to adapt to a different world to the one you have come from is very difficult. I'm very tired. 

[Historylover]

@Powderfinger   I am not surprised you have had a nervous breakdown.  As for my saying that the people who caused that picture are not worthy of you.  They are not.

It is not "egotistical, mean, snobbish and probably a few more things" to feel worthy of respect.  I will forego any relationship which isn't based on mutual respect.  It simply will not even get off the ground.  And I feel worthy of that respect!  We all are.  I haven't done anything to be worthy of less.  And neither have you.  

I don't know what else to say Ramble.  I feel your pain and confusion.  All I can say is take the time to let things sort themselves out.  Don't rush anything.  Be kind to yourself.

[Powderfinger]

@Historylover I'm listening. They are all gone. I got rid of them. It left me with no one. I've accepted the pain I'm in is going to take quite some time to heal to a point where I'm able to function well in the world. 

I'm glad you have found that strength to carry through with that in life. I'm not yet strong enough, physically or mentally. I'm sleeping when I.need to. One of my issues is I am much too kind. Kindness is a nice attribute. I'm overly kind though to the point where I will overlook bad behaviour towards me. I think if I show more love and kindness they will eventually learn to treat me like that too. That is the thinking that needs to go. It needs to go cause it has kept me in situations and with people I should leave and have left. 

I'm very tired all the time so I just give it time. I'm pretty washed out. I also have work, study and so on so yeah it's a good distraction. I've been suck for two days so work hasn't really happened. 

Thank you for reaching out @Historylover 

[Historylover]

@Powderfinger   Kindness is like a bank balance Ramble - just make sure there is enough coming in to balance what is going out. Be kind to yourself!  Respect yourself!   Time is a great healer -  so just give everything time.  

And you're welcome @Powderfinger