@Historylover Id love to respond to all you've written. I'm not capable of doing so this morning. I'm on day three of my migraine and I woke up and had a long cry. I threw up a tiny bit.
I was having flashbacks of my parents putting me in a room when I was sick like this and not taking me to a doctor or rending much to me. It made me start crying. On top of that Rachel didn't even come to see if I was ok. It was driving that abandonment and neglect in. Aside from my childhood, I just could never leave someone I love without care if they are sick. I don't give a damn anymore about her using her childhood as a reason to treat me this way. She is still choosing to treat me this way, irrespective of her childhood.
I have ended the relationship. I've had two full days to reflect. I need to move on now. I've had my enough. I'm so tired if people using their childhood as an excuse to treat me badly. Irrespective of her childhood, she neglected me and neglected the relationship. We are complete opposites and sometimes opposites just don't work. We have many things in common, however areas of a relationship that are so vital are dead. I've lost any desire to be close. I wish there was another word for heartbroken because it just doesn't cut it.
Anyhow, I started making my own plans last week. I work from home but I'm going out to work in a really funky space for two days a week so I can have some socialisation and maybe make a friend. I'm hoping the Rotary club and becoming a Rotarian. I've got to plan my talk this week for next Monday and I'm launching my copywriting business. Plus I study which I've had no time for. Thankfully it's self paced.
I know these are very positively things. It seems to be the case with me. Has been all my life. People see this string, smart and capable me. They don't see the other side that is in immense pain and had a life of hell. I'm trying to show that side of me too. I wonder some days if people just want to see the good and not the hard stuff.
Anyhow if you can't be there for me at my worst, you don't deserve to be there at my best.
As for my book. I am still in the collating phase. After my talk, I plan to spend a month or two on my plot and direction. I will use the office to map it out. Obviously a plot for a nonfiction historical book is entirely different to a biography/autobiography or a work of fiction.
The library here is fantastic. The staff are fantastic. They always help me so much. They really support writers in my town. The historical section is amazing. I've also been to the big state library in Perth for the book. I'd like to go again. I love getting books from the stacks. The book definitely us a labor of love for me. I can't say how long it will take me to write it. Obviously have to get the manuscript done, then decide on the next step from there. So, perhaps my manuscript may be done by this time next year? Hopefully. Yes, they too would hold knowledge and the historian has written a few books himself. I know that the reasons for me writing this book will become more apparent over time.
I had no plans to write a book at all. There is a story behind it. All I know is I knew I had to write this book.
Toastmasters I think is about speeches and maybe key note address? About standing up in front of people to deliver a speech or key note address. I support it, but just not appropriate for this situation.
