Lived Experience Forum

[greenpea]

Hi everyone sorry it took me so long to be here. Am looking forward to tonight!:D

[Former-Member]

Knowing when to back off so to speak. I am not in a good place at this moment and really struggling. So I won't go on the forum pages. My hubby as brought me into a national park camping so I can 'calm my farm'  and reconnect. But I wanted to do this tonight.

[Adge]

@Daisydreamer "I hear you" "I'm sitting with you" "I am here when you need me" (You suggested)

@Zoe7is Excellent with that...

@Shaz51is Excellent with that approach, & encouraging words too...

Adge

[Shaz51]

3. Sometimes a simple "I hear you" "I'm sitting with you" "I am here when you need me" can go along way. I've learnt that I don't always have a response, but I can acknowledge the supportive space we are sitting in ---- also @Daisydreamer  sending understanding hugs to let them know that you understand but may not be able to answer them at that time

[HappyCastle]

Q5 for everyone here tonight: 

How do we look after ourselves when supporting others?

Do you have an example of self care that you do when you are supporting others?

One of my favourite sayings is “Self-care isn’t selfish” (special mention to @Former-Member) and I think that’s especially important to keep in mind when you are supporting other people. When we bring empathy and invite people to share their feelings and thoughts with us it can become overwhelming.

So, self-care and personal safety is number 1! It can be as simple as holding your boundaries, planning something fun or relaxing to do directly after supporting someone, or giving yourself the space to quietly reflect.

An example of something I do, is I like to laugh and bring some humour in. So usually I’ll do something like plan to watch and episode of Parks and Recreation or call my best friend. Laughter really helps me unwind and re-centre after supporting people and it’s a major way of how I support myself☺️

[Zoe7]

@Daisydreamer Being able to read the words written, recognising the emotions involved but also being able to take a step back from those emotions by not taking them on personally allows me to support people better. If that means taking a step away from the forums to look after myself then that also means I am more able to support others in the process.

[Daisydreamer]

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@Zoe7 wrote:

One of mine is time @HappyCastle - that is two-fold ...how much time I can give to others whilst also caring for myself and also being in the right headspace to give of time freely to support someone for the whole journey. Part of that is often 'choosing' (for want of a better word) the time I can actually give when supporting someone and evaluating if that support can be given freely for the journey or if - for my own personal reasons - I cannot do that. 

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Could not agree with this more. The saying that comes to mind for me is "you can't pour from an empty cup" and picking when you can provide peer support is really important. It's also okay to take time off or step away for a bit to look after your wellbeing. In a peer relationship, setting those boundaries also reinforces to others that it's okay for them to look after themselves too. Checking in with yourself before providing peer support is important to ensure your wellbeing 🙂 

[Eve7]

I agree with you @Daisydreamer  and that’s why I always say to people “I’ll boil the jug and make us a cuppa”. Now I know that’s what you meant but doing that often helps to diffuse a crisis.

Sitting with people, having a cuppa and listening can work wonders for all of us. I love it when people do that with me.

[Zoe7]

Again @Daisydreamer it comes back to knowing our own limitations and what we can and cannot deal with for our own mental wellbeing. Sometimes that does mean stepping away to look after ourselves and sometimes that means we can be a more constant presence in someone else's journey - neither is right or wrong and to be able to recognise that for ourselves is both empowering and growth in of itself.

[Former-Member]

I think that when we can't verbally help someone because we need to look after our selfs at this time. Just a heartfelt emoji or a 'support' click on their thread can I know for me speak volumes. We can't care for others if we can't care for our self's. Most of all I think that not having favourites and not excluding others when in deep conversations with friends on the forum. It can cause undue upset. Just to be mindful.