Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

The community still has a long way to go with feeling safe. 

@TuxedoCat, what does safety feel like for you? And how has this helped your own recovery?  

For LGBTQ+ community reading along: What does safety feel like for you? What are some small ways you seek out safety when you feel unsafe? 

For allies reading along: What are some ways you can make LGBTIAQ+ people around you feel more safe?  

[TuxedoCat]

For me, safety feels like so many things. In my body, it’s a sense of calm without butterflies or being on edge. In my brain, I feel like I’m not second guessing myself or holding back parts of myself 

For my queerness, my safety is pretty contingent on who I’m around. For example,  

• Will these people question my outfit choice? 
• Will they remind others around me of my pronouns? Or do they respond well when I remind or correct them? 
• Do they assume the gender of my partner? 

And while I have a lot of control who is in my life regularly, there are times when I’m really don’t. But I think it’s important that we can create a sense of safety for ourselves, which isn’t contingent on other people.  

And I’m still working on being my authentic self each time I venture outside, but I’m getting better at it. 

What helped me 

• I found a therapist who was queer!  
• I practised correcting other people when they don’t use my correct pronouns 
• I do power poses when I’m wearing an outfit or makeup which I’m nervous people won’t respond to well 
• Debriefing with a friend or my partner after an unsafe interaction 
• Finding small, hidden ways to be myself and affirm my identity but nobody else knows. For me, this is wearing a discreet pride badge, a binder or a special shirt I have 

What these small acts affirm in me, is that I know who I am and nobody else can take that away from me.   

[TideisTurning]

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@TuxedoCat wrote:

For me, safety feels like so many things. In my body, it’s a sense of calm without butterflies or being on edge. In my brain, I feel like I’m not second guessing myself or holding back parts of myself 

For my queerness, my safety is pretty contingent on who I’m around. For example,  

• Will these people question my outfit choice? 
• Will they remind others around me of my pronouns? Or do they respond well when I remind or correct them? 
• Do they assume the gender of my partner? 

And while I have a lot of control who is in my life regularly, there are times when I’m really don’t. But I think it’s important that we can create a sense of safety for ourselves, which isn’t contingent on other people.  

And I’m still working on being my authentic self each time I venture outside, but I’m getting better at it. 

What helped me 

• I found a therapist who was queer!  
• I practised correcting other people when they don’t use my correct pronouns 
• I do power poses when I’m wearing an outfit or makeup which I’m nervous people won’t respond to well 
• Debriefing with a friend or my partner after an unsafe interaction 
• Finding small, hidden ways to be myself and affirm my identity but nobody else knows. For me, this is wearing a discreet pride badge, a binder or a special shirt I have 

What these small acts affirm in me, is that I know who I am and nobody else can take that away from me.   

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❤️❤️❤️ love this @TuxedoCat 

[Clawde]

Great info, life is not always about our sexual orientation, but we all have in common to be with. 
Once and when you meet people with common ground it mostly come down to them and you, not always who or who you go home with. Most humans have a great life without your sexuality being the most important thing.

Your biggest coping strategies are just being kind to yourself at least ! with laws now protecting us so we can be who we are, not what is expected of us, but still be careful there are barriers in everything we do, and we have them too.

[TuxedoCat]

I love this @Clawde "we can be who we are, not what is expected of us"

That really resonates with me ✨

[Former-Member]

We know that the LGBTQ+ experience is different for everyone. 

@TuxedoCat, what’s the relationship between mental health and transitioning/gender affirming healthcare- in general and also for you? 

For LGBTQIA+ community reading along: If you’re up for it, you can share your own experiences of transitioning or receiving healthcare affirming of your identity/ies and the positive impact this has had on your mental health 

For allies: How do you think you could support any trans or gender diverse people in your life if they wanted to transition? 

[TuxedoCat]

So, being trans is when a person doesn’t feel like the gender they’re told they are from a young age.  There are infinite gender identities and presentations which are outside the gender binary of man and women. But there’s a feeling or mental state when we can’t live as the gender we are. It’s called “Gender dysphoria” which a feeling of psychological distress. When this is the case, trans people can “transition” or make changes to be more in line with the gender they feel to feel “gender euphoria”. Read more in some of the links we’ll give later. You can find more info here or hear more about what “gender euphoria" feels like by watching this  

There are a bunch of ways to transition, for example 

• social affirmation (e.g. changing one’s name and pronouns),  
• legal affirmation (e.g. changing gender markers on one’s government-issued documents),  
• medical affirmation (e.g. gender-affirming hormones, and/or surgical affirmation). 

And every trans person is different. It’s important for allies to know that we are no more or less trans because we take hormones or get surgery. And also, when you meet a trans person, please respect their privacy and don’t ask them about their transition.  

But how does this link to mental health? The research is clear, transitioning leads to better  

• Attitude to life 
• Ability to cope with stress 
• Optimism for the future 
• Self-image 
• Job satisfaction 

For example, I’m non-binary and have socially transitioned in a lot of ways; I dress how I feel, I use they/them pronouns. Doing these things has been hard and annoying in different ways (it can be so awkward correcting people, especially my mum!) but overall I feel more confident, I feel less distress looking in the mirror and I’m no longer actively trying to fit other people’s ideas of how I should be.  

And while I feel like this has improved my mental health a lot, there are other ways I want change myself to be my authentic, true self. For example, my voice gives me so much dysphoria and I want it to be lower. And for those reading at home, it’s totally ok for our own transition goals to change and look different to other people’s. 

But my story is going to be different to every other trans person out there! And each of these aspects have their own challenges. For me, having people I can talk to about each aspect and get advice or support or problem solve has been so amazing.  

The important thing for allies and carers to remember is that supporting people to transition will improve their mental health!

[TideisTurning]

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@TuxedoCat wrote:

 It’s important for allies to know that we are no more or less trans because we take hormones or get surgery. And also, when you meet a trans person, please respect their privacy and don’t ask them about their transition.  

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Just want to affirm this. You, and everyone here are wonderful, just as you are. ❤️

[Former-Member]

Amazing @TuxedoCat🤗

For me, doing more and more things in my transition has also overall correlated with comfort, ease, and feeling like I am more just "myself" - which, naturally, has positive impacts on mental health 

[Former-Member]

@TuxedoCat, where can those reading along find out more information, support, and services?