Lived Experience Forum

[Inprogress]

I've never sought help before, I am the one who calmly holds things together. There is a lot of mental illness in my family but I've never felt like I got to a place where I wasn't coping.

I'm due with my third child in a few weeks. I don't know if I am coping and if I will cope.

I have suddenly found our family to be in financial turmoil. I have now found out we are in more debt than we can forseeably pay. Even if I went back to work full time right after having the baby it won't help. My husband works 14 hour days almost every day of the week. I can't afford many baby things like a cot but we're also not entitled to any financial help. I owe money to centrelink and the government. It feels like I'm drowning.

I also don't know how I'm going to fit the baby into our life. I have to look after my older kids and work full time. I just feel like what the heck am I going to do?

We've been sick for weeks with flu/gastro/viruses and it's not helping my mood. I just wish I could buy the things I want for this baby and enjoy my pregnancy. Instead I feel like crying all the time. I feel guilty for feeling stressed and I don't know how that's affecting my baby. I am so worried about the birth too as I've had birth trauma for my previous deliveries. I don't know who to turn to or talk about it with and it feels like I'm in a deep hole I won't get out of.
My husband is very kind and I don't want to burden him anymore with my feelings as he's already under so much pressure to dig us out of this financial hole and support our family. He'll need to look after our older kids and I don't know how he will, he'll have no time off work. If I don't hold it together, I won't be able to help my family try and work our way out of this mess, I'll make it worse.

[Pepsimax]

@Inprogress welcome to the forum first of all I don't know anything about being pregnant but you do seem to have a lot going on besides that financial stuff is always hard to deal with just do what you can others might be able to help more with the pregnancy stuff do you have a gp you could talk to

[CheerBear]

Hi @Inprogress

Welcome to the forum. It's really great to see you here reaching out for support. It can be hard to do especially if it's new to you, and you're used to being the one to hold things together. 

I read your post hearing the pressure you're under at the moment. Pregnancy and raising kids can be so tough at the best of times, let alone with big stress like financial difficulties and work that you are facing. Late pregnancy with other children to care for was a difficult time for me. I was tired (exhausted), in pain, uncomfortable, wondering how I would cope... really hard at times. 

I'm not sure whether you've heard of the organisation PANDA before? They run a helpline which supports families during and after pregnancy, who are experiencing challenges like anxiety and depression. Their information is here. If you're having your baby at a hospital there may also be a social worker who could help you and your family work through some of the challenges you're facing too. Often you can access them through whoever is providing your antenatal care. 

In terms of the birth trauma you experienced, have you spoken with anyone like your GP, a midwife, an obstetrician (not sure what kind of care you might be getting) about the past trauma? It might help to be able to talk through your past experience/s and any fears you have about the upcoming birth, so you can put a plan in place. A plan really helped me to feel like I was in control which I found seriously important.

There are lots of parents here who might be able to relate to and understand the stress and pressure that can come with it all. You're (we're) definitely not alone with those issues here and I hope it helps to be here. 

[Pepsimax]

Don't think I am much help but wanted to acknowledge your post @Inprogress

[Former-Member]

Hi @Inprogress

Sorry to read of your turmoil. Just wanted to let you know that if you find yourself financially struggling your local community centre may be able to help you with baby items, clothing, food, household bills etc. You don't necessarily need to be on Centrelink to approach them - just visit them and talk about and explain your financial hardship with them as well as your concern on looking after the baby together with your older children - as they may be able to help. Possibly with child care as well. I wish you all the best

[Inprogress]

Thank you @Pepsimax @CheerBear and @Former-Member for your kind words. I have an appointment with the hospital social worker in two weeks so will discuss what I can then.
It's hard to tell if I'm 'just hormonal' or if it goes a bit deeper.

[Pepsimax]

@Inprogress that sounds like a plan hope that is helpful for you

[CheerBear]

Hi @Inprogress. It's great that you have an appointment with a social worker in a couple of weeks.

It's hard to second guess that "just hormonal" or whether there's more to it. Pregnancy definitely throws some big ones as far as hormones and emotions! I think there's lots to be said for receiving support even if how you're feeling is more hormones than it is something else. You deserve support regardless of what's behind how you're feeling, and I think being supported can prevent things from becoming worse or harder.

Hope your weekend is ok. While you're waiting to see the social worker (and after if you feel like it also) remember there's options like PANDA to speak with. Keep posting here if it helps too 🙂

[chilla]

Hi @Inprogress

It's been a couple of days since your original post and I hope things are starting to look a little brighter for you after the weekend.

Firstly, congratulations on posting your story here and asking for help - that in itself is a huge step and hopefully a small weight off your shoulders. There are so many people on these forums with helpful advice and people who genuinely care.

You are going through some major stresses at the moment and having the strength to post here and ask for advise and help is huge! Take care of yourself and your new baby first and foremost.

GP - My best advice would be to visit your GP and discuss how you are feeling and the struggles you are having financially and the pressure that is putting on you. They will also (hopefully) have some resources available for you to look into, there are a lot of community based organisations that can help you - personal counselling and financial advise can often be free or at a very discounted rate, they can be hard to find though.

Financial difficulties are painful no matter what the situation but being close to welcoming your 3rd child and going through this at the moment is going to be a very stressful time for you.

Centrelink can be painful but can also be very helpful and they are not always the 'bad guys'. We've had some great help over the years from centrelink, also some times where they have been no help at all... Some times it just depends on the person who comes out to help you and what mood they are in. As painful as centrelink is to visit I would suggest going in to see them or making an appointment asap and explaining your situation with someone and getting their advice on what to do, what they need you to do and what benefits you might be entitled to. Even if you have a debt with them there are always schemes available to help get you through these times or to lighten your load.

A good customer service rep from centrelink will also have a few contacts or agencies that can help you sort out your finances or your situation.

Your husband sounds like he is trying his best to keep everything afloat and keep things together and 14 hour days and long weeks hurt and are hard on everybody.

I'm not sure if you are able to private message on this site or not. I was drowning in debt 9 - 10 years ago before my son was born. I ended up going bankrupt (Which was the best thing I could have done!) I went through so much and spent weeks upon months trying to find a way out of my debts and financial troubles, if you want some advice I might be able to help you with out having to go into details on the public forum)

[Former-Member]

Hi @chilla,
Just a friendly reminder that there is no capacity to PM via this site, and the privacy guidelines don't allow for any posting of contact details, because this is an anonymous forum. Thank you for the information already provided about Centrelink, I'm sure it will be helpful.
Have a good night,
Frog