Lived Experience Forum

[creative_writer]

Hey everyone

I’ve been finding myself trying to avoid my emotions, feelings and thoughts around trauma lately. I’ve also found myself trying to avoid reaching out for support when I need it, because I don’t want to be a burden or too dependent on people. I don’t want my behaviour to be interpreted as attention seeking either. I don’t

feel like many people understand either, people often find trauma hard to understand, I don’t want to be misunderstood, it just makes me feel lonely to not be seen or heard. Sometimes people as a coping mechanism may try to downplay the trauma, which also makes me feel worse. So I just sit here alone, I prefer this loneliness over the loneliness of being misunderstood. 

[SmilingGecko]

Hello @creative_writer I think writing blogging or publishing about your inner world is far more agreeable to others than venting which can lead to alienation from others.  People receive artistic creations more readily than they do talking about someone elses problems. I've often felt that talking about my problems made me feel as if I was a burden to others but you can use that creative energy to bring forth something really artistic which is well received.  Or even better still try and use these problems to try and create solutions. But on the whole being creative can attract friendships and you can share your inner world without offending others or unnecessarily alienating yourself in the process ❤️

[Garris]

Hi , I'm new- I don't know where to start so I just grabbed this one, it sounded familiar.

I live alone now, I have unwanted intrusive thoughts that are terrible , I need to touch things in the right order/ pattern( I'm very quick and good at it now after 40 years or so) I'm semi retired and have a few friends I keep in touch with , but have incredible feelings of loneliness

People I know tell me I am well liked and respected, but I don't see it like that, and feel that people see me as a freak

My intrusive thoughts are bizarre to say the least, I don't know why they come into my head at times

I once spoke to a psychologist about the intrusive thoughts and she just didn't get it I'm sure

My adult daughter also suffers from a similar form of OCD and thoughts, so whatever brain disorder causes this rubbish seems to have passed to her

She goes about her life with her career and friends but I know she suffers

I would love to converse with other similar sufferers to hear experiences and feel less isolated

Cheers 

Garris

[Appleblossom]

@creative_writer 

this really resonated with me ...

"I prefer this loneliness over the loneliness of being misunderstood. "

I have been bruised by a few people touting being "trauma informed".  You are already on your creative path ... keep keeping on.

@Garris Hey.  Welcome

I often say "Take Care" but guess you are probably good enough at that.  Sometimes progress can be about letting go and being spontaneous.  Life is such a learning ....

Think @NatureLover knows about OCD.

[creative_writer]

@SmilingGecko I’ve been meaning to take up creative writing again, have a bit of a break from uni to focus on myself. Writing poetry and even fictional pieces can be therapeutic, it’s an amazing outlet❤️.

@Garris welcome to SANE 🙂. Intrusive thoughts can be hard and upsetting. I do get them quite a bit too, they’ve been triggered by my trauma. I get intrusive memories and other bizarre thoughts, and have at times felt guilty about getting these bizarre thoughts, even though logically I wouldn’t act upon them. I think it does help to be able to talk to other people who really do understand and can support you. I hope you find comfort and healing on here.

@Appleblossom I’ve searched myself within and it actually took me a while to realise what’s causes me to distance myself from people. I am glade we have the opportunity to support each other on SANE, can be hard to find people who understand ❤️.

[Appleblossom]

@creative_writer Yep. This morning I tossed and turned about going to church but could not do it ... Yep.  Trauma.  However, later in day felt the call from a fb greenie group and had a wonderful day.

A lot of it was getting straight in my head all the potential dangers in church going ... and how to cope or detect red flags .... I might go another day ... but in the end ... it felt like I was finally really getting in touch with myself and my needs.

maybe its something like that with you ... a process ... of working out where the challenges are so you do not fall prey to the wrong people.

I already tried making my trauma more palatable for people who did not want their consciences pricked ... hmmm ... now learning ....which hurdles are worth leaping ... and which I do not need to bother with .... finally that frontal cortex is getting into the action for me ... not endless study ... ha ha

idk make any sense to you?? ...

[NatureLover]

Hi @creative_writer ,

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@creative_writer wrote:

I’ve been finding myself trying to avoid my emotions, feelings and thoughts around trauma lately.

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I think it's OK to 'take a break' from dealing with the trauma from time to time...I'm not sure if that's what you mean, or if it's an avoidance pattern.

Dealing with trauma is hard, so I wish you heaps of good wishes...

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @Garris , it's good to have you here. 

I have OCD in the form of germophobia...I also do a little counting and checking. 

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@Garris wrote:

I once spoke to a psychologist about the intrusive thoughts and she just didn't get it I'm sure

It sounds like that particular psychologist didn't work for you? Have you considered trying to find one that does? 

I know the psychologists can't really "get it" unless they have OCD themselves...but they can still suggest strategies etc. I find my psychologist very sympathetic to my issues. 

A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply. 

You can also type "OCD" into the Search bar above, for threads on it. 

I hope you fond the forums supportive.

[creative_writer]

@Appleblossom that sort of makes sense. Building trust does take its time for me, I always approach people cautiously, and when I feel like I can talk to them I do, that often takes years. But I have also learnt along the way sometimes you gotta protect yourself and other people even, like I know my mum cares but she gets a bit too emotional.

@NatureLover I think breaks are okay as long as it’s not long term avoidance. Distraction can be good, but only when you do it in moderation. I feel like culture often tells you to keep yourself so busy to avoid your emotions, that only increases stress and the burn out feeling. Emotions otherwise build up, and disassociation can often happen after that huge build up.

[Appleblossom]

@creative_writer Your last paragraph had a lot of wisdom.

I believe it is key NOT to distract too much. Distraction should only be a temporary strategy. If we dont face our demons we tend to keep repeating behaviours and relationship patterns without reflecting.  I had a lot of dissociation early on and just took a long time to join up all the dots in my life narrative.