09-11-2019 12:45 AM
I am sorry for making another thread but something is really really stressing me out and idk what to do and i know people cant give specific advise but it might be good to hear what others might do in the situation.
some things have been getting more intense for me over the last few months and it is now very distracting but not only because the stuff is distracting but because i am very scared of the consequences of people finding out so it is literally making me panic over the posibility that i will 'get caught' i am even having nightmares about it and the stress is keeping me up at night. but i have good reason to be stressed about people finding out because last time it did not end well at all. but i also cant ignore the stuff that is happening and i cant talk about it properly either and i just want to not be so stressed.
if you were in a situation where you believed in something that others dont and wont but you still do and because of that you cannot tell other people about the things you believe what would you do? also at the same time in the past when you have gone against your better judgment and told supports about such things it has only caused bad horrible terrible things to happen and would likely do the same if those supports found out again. what would you do? if supports finding out would likely ruin your future would you keep hiding it so long as it wasnt hurting you?
i am sorry this is very cryptic although if i am honest even if i explained it properly i still doubt it would make sense fully to others.
09-11-2019 06:52 AM
@Eden1919 Hi Eden1919 okay just yesterday I told my pdoc something which most people would consider to be very shocking. She did not know that I had problems with men in the past dating back to my father and his abuse. I tend not to talk about it because it has been ignored and glossed over in my family for years but it was abuse both mental and physical. Anways it has given me a huge problem with men. I distrust them, am angry with them and hate them. This all came out yesterday.
My pdoc was surprised because I have never spoken about this before. Now she wanted to make sure I was on my medication especially my mood control medication which I am and was surprised that my mood was not more controlled by the meds particularly my anger but she did not up the dose thank god. I have to work on ways to deal with my anger as it could lead me to doing things in the future which would not be helpful for myself or anyone else.
I suppose what I am saying is dont feel afraid in speaking out if you need help. My pdoc did not increase my medication. She is going to act as my psychologist as I trust her and dont want anyone else involved in my case (there are so many already). It is important to talk. I wish you could more freely discuss your problems here but with the guidelines it is not possible .... dont be afraid to have your voice heard. There are professionals out there who will not immediately head for the medication route.
I hope thiis helps. Love peaxxx
09-11-2019 09:17 AM
Hi @Eden1919 for me the test is more how you are coping with life in general.
If your beliefs are not causing any harm, you could relay that if you choose to talk about them. It really gets up my nose that all sorts of people without a MI label believe all sorts of things, but people see the big picture and it doesn't have to be a big deal... agree to disagree - as they should imho. You could also say that you know not everyone is on board with what you believe.
09-11-2019 11:36 AM
Hi again @Eden1919
You have had some hard stuff happen with your MI and this has made you nervous about sharing - and I really like what @frog suggested here - that if our thoughts aren't doing any harm then we can have them - and if sharing our inner life with someone has been taken the wrong way - well - I would be nervous too
We all have an inner, private life that usually enriches us. I wouldn't share mine with anyone - but I enjoy it. Although I don't go to church - I'm not really religious - I do have my Christian beliefs and spiritual thoughts - which others might or might not believe and don't have to believe - I agree with you on that point certainly
What would I do? Nothing - I would keep it all to myself - I only share things with people I know well and trust - not a problem -
I think you need to talk to people but you are having trouble finding that person so that would make you feel isolated
Just a little side story I do tell people - when my son with MI was 7 I burned out and I went frorm my doctor to a private psychiatrist but I had to talk to her nurse first - and she asked me a very strange question
"Do you hear voices?" to which I answered "Of course" - she suddenly became very interested and asked me what they told me to do. I remember staring at her - totally lost in this new world and answered "I can hear you perfectly - there is nothing wrong with my hearing"
I don't think this was the right answer for her - I did get a lot of help from that psychiatrist - so long ago now - and I maintain that the world of Mental Health can be blurry - and entirely different reality - very fuzzy and often scary.
You are very strong on your desire not to confuse the issue further with medication - I respect that - and also - you don't need suggestions - I respect that too. My suggestion though is that you can keep your thoughts to yourself - share here where it's safe
As I said earlier - we all have private inner lives - at least I think we do - and we are entitled - and we can keep them to ourselves and be safe
All the best - you are a battler - the more of what I read that you write the better I see it - it's a great pity you can't find a therapist who understands you just need to talk about it
Hey @greenpea - I like your opinion also - and yes - sharing things can be tricky - even for peas
09-11-2019 03:35 PM
@greenpea @frog @Dec thank you all for your replies. I suppose yes if they are not causing harm in any way i dont have to mention them. at the same time though they are stressing me out but even i am not sure why or how it is just making me feel on edge but i am not sure if that is because i am worried about others reactions or if it is because of the actual things going on. as for if i need help with it or not again i am not sure but i do suspect that even if i did the services that exist would not be able to help me anyway so that would again suggest it best not to mention it. perhaps i just need to find more immersive distractions for now. i suppose i just have to wait until i find out more about what is happening and where it is heading.
09-11-2019 06:28 PM
@greenpea said "Dont be afraid to have your voice heard."
@frog said something like "look at how it is effecting your ability to cope with life ...
@Dec Touched on human ways we have of interpreting life through culture and religion .... and some ways the MH profession views "voices" and things.
I would love to have the experience of only sharing things with people who have already earned my trust, but that has not been possible in my life. I am slowly learning what it might actually feel like to choose to interact with people who leave me feeling good and postiive rather than doing "what is right" and being open to all sorts of negative experiences, that is putting up some kind of selective shield.
@Eden1919 I believe there is a universal genuine human need to be heard ... AND loved and accepted. Somehow the experience of hearing "difficult" voices seems part of human yearning and not getting needs met. Somewhere in all that is the human imagination.
Not all MH professionals are aware of their own biases. Maybe you are sensing their limitations and working on levels of trust.
09-11-2019 07:52 PM
That's an amazing post @Appleblossom - thank you
The professional world of MH might seem to have different rules - I had no idea what different voices were back in my 30s - and for a while it seemed as if my hearing - my normal hearing - was being questioned - that has to be really weird
The Professional world of MH is different anyway - it doesn't need to be but it is. If we have a medical problem we can see the doctor with more medicare assistance - in fact - after I have paid a certain amount within a calender year I get a larger rebate - with an emotional or psychiatric issue there is very limited financial assistance - which just doesn't seem fair - isn't fair. But life isn't fair
Apple - I have read a lot of Carl Jung through the years and even at university during my fourth year. Having an inner life is enriching and nothing at all to be ashamed of - but to me my inner life is private and I might have shared something about it in the past but now - no - I don't -
However we do have opinions about certain things in our society and if we feel they are wrong we can feel free to speak up, speak out, get proactive - and I have - and these moments have been great to remember though there are certainly times when it has been uncomfortable. For me it would have been harder to have not spoken out because after all - we all have to live with ourselves. We can protest - among my great memories is demonstrating against nuclear testing in the Muroroa Atoll back in the 1990 - how dramatic to march and chant.
And how outstanding it is to actually stand up in a public place or at a conferance and speak about subjects that are important to us and to society.
So - to fill out my comments - there is a time to speak and a time to be silent and part of our maturing is working out when to do or say what.
I could say more - a lot of what we say we will need to be said in a private and safe - otherwise - it is entirely private and it is safe as long as it isn't affecting our lives
10-11-2019 01:24 AM
@Appleblossom @Dec thank you both. I am sure i am working on different levels of trust and it is true that the MH world plays by different rules to everywhere else. this particular issues is very private but it is not religious really nor is it a belief about things that i would say are related to this world. it is more to do with me and how things intersect with me and other 'wolrds' if you could call them that. it is something that people here even if open minded would usually still say was not real or true. while i accept they dont experience this stuff or believe it that is not how it works for me. i cant ignore it either because this stuff has very legitimate consequences for me that i cant really go into. i do agree people have a need to feel heard or be able to share their experience but deep down i know i dont have that luxury but i guess that doesnt stop me feeling the need.
maybe it is something i just need to come to terms with and the only person i know who might get it who i do trust i cant talk to them because it wouldnt be good for them as they did have similar experiences but have to keep a distance. i guess i am just feeling very alone and closed in. i know i am not alone in many ways but there is something i am constantly craving/needing and i dont know what it is or how to sate it but it is so intense that it causes other things. i am also worried i guess that i will end up back where i was and that i will end up chasing things i can never catch. this does affect my life constantly but it always has and i dont see it leaving soon. i think i just need to try harder there isnt much else i can do.
10-11-2019 10:52 AM
I think I really get it - other worlds - where you live - they are very real to you and you are definitely not alone
How do you think the great fantasy works in our literature and screen worlds get there - people like the writer of the Harry Potter books, J R R Tolkein and The Lord of the Rings, Ursula Le Guin and The Earthsea Trilogy - even back to Jonathon Swift and Gulliver's Travels - I could go on and on - I have enjoyed these stories and other speculative and science fiction all my life - if is a fantastic world and I love it
The people who have the skills and gifts to write such works must live in a fantasy world - it must be scary for them at times - imagine spending years writing this kind of material and wondering if the world would laugh at you when the world might just laugh at them. Lots of people don't like it but I do and so do many other people because this kind of literature is very popular
Maybe I am not quite there but maybe I do get it,
Not real or true - of course not - it's is incredible but to enjoy things like Star Trek, Star Wars, Indiana Jones - so much more - we need to suspend our beliefs of real and true and enjoy other worlds - there is a huge world out there - worlds - many of them - and I love it
Maybe you don't need to try harder. Maybe just accept your worlds - personally I might be right off the mark but you just need to find the writing and movies I am mentioning and suspend your beliefs as I do and get into a magical existence that I found when I was a child and my grandmother taught me The Arthurian Legends. Fantastic literature is nothing new
Yes - I do think it is very private and it is also something you can share when you find the right environment - I feel very excited just reading your last post and I hope this touches you to - I hope I am right
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