Lived Experience Forum

[Blue77]

Hi there, this is my first time on an online forum so not sure how it all works. But because the PANDA phone line is closed I joined because I needed to reach out and finally get support for something I feel like I have been dealing with for a long time and now I am pregnant again with my third child (10 weeks along) everything seems to be crashing down on me. I feel I have no support - my mum lives two hours away and I am exhausted and constantly tired with my two children. I can usually keep up a happy face for them but lately I am finding it a struggle to even smile or be happy. I don't want to go anywhere or leave the house because it is so much effort but at the same time it is then a huge effort to stay home because I don't know how to entertain my very highly energetic into everything almost two year old! I love planning activities to do with the kids but I don't feel enjoyment anymore and it feels just too exhausting. (My daughter still wakes at least once during the night for a bottle and had reflux until she was 12 months so it has been a struggle with sleeping since day 1.)
I also am struggling at work because this pregnancy is making me feel confused and tired and forgetful and it has impacted on my job but I haven't told my boss I am pregnant, she just thinks I am getting bad at my job! Up until I got pregnant she was asking me to do more hours and take on more responsibilities!
So much going on I just had to get it off my chest....
Tired mama

[Former-Member]

Welcome to the forum @Blue77 I'm Garfield and I just wanted to introduce myself as one of the Moderators. I'm sorry to hear about your struggles but I'm glad you have found this forum as this can be a great support. If you are struggling with a post natal depression then you may find it helpful to speak with your GP and get a mental health plan to support you with it. 

Please read Community Guidelines for your information.  They are are a bit hidden on the Forums so we understand not everyone is across them.

Kind regards

Garfield

[MaryMahem]

Hi @Blue77
Being a mother is hard, being a working mother is extra hard (please take no offence non-working mums, I know its not easy for any of us) because of the dual expectations and demands. All you can do is your best while you are in each role. Prioritising, not sweating the small things and asking for help are all really important at home and at work. Is your boss likely to be understanding? Do you have a supportive partner? It may be helpful to tell them how you feel or seek some professional help from your GP or psychologist. Sometimes even a weekend off could help you recharge. Could you mother have the children for a weekend?

Anyway, I know many mothers juggle the same feelings and I'm sure you will get some other suggestions.

Take care.

[Lunar]

Hello @Blue77

A very warm welcome to the forums, I am sorry to hear about how much you have going on at the moment with feeling like everything is crashing down on you. That sounds quite scary and very exhausting which explains why you are feeling less motivation and more tiredness especially as you are also pregnant, it is really good that you are reaching out for support through PANDA and have joined the SANE Forums for some peer support.

I just wanted to mention some other threads and members who have gone through something similar, you might like to read through their threads.

A great thread by @MillyMolly discusses 'Another baby after PND' there are even some tips and advice from @PANDA in the replies.

There is another great thread by @TL2017 that discusses 'PND and memory loss'

Please take care of yourself and keep talking with us when you need okay

Lunar 🙂

[Blue77]

Hi @Lunar,

Thank you so much for your message - it helps to read other people's stories.

I have also found out yesterday at my 10 week ultrasound that I may be having a missed miscarriage as baby is only measuring 6 weeks. But they want us to wait another two weeks to have another ultrasound to be sure! It's going to be a long and hard wait, and my husband seems very depressed as well as we were both excited about this baby and had already started preparing things...

[Blue77]

Thanks @MaryMayhem for your suggestions. My husband is trying to be as supportive as possible but I think he is struggling with his own mental illness and depression as he can be very moody and seems very down lately. So then I feel I need to support him and we are both going in circles I think.

My mum is coming to stay this weekend but it is a rarity but it will help to take a little of the pressure off.

I'm not good at asking for help as I feel I should be able to be strong enough to handle this on my own at my age and I don't want to put anybody out! Plus that would mean allowing others to see that I don't actually have it all together!

It's very hard but having suggestions and being able to discuss it on here is actually helping...

[utopia]

@Blue77. I don't think any mother can do it all herself. Parenting is extremely hard and exhausting.
Previous generations had their mum or aunties helping. Sisters would join together for the dayand the ccousins would play together. There was no doing it on your own then.
Try not to be so hard on yourself. Two young children and a job - that's tiring. Add in pregnancy and hormones - that's exhausting.
It's okay to ask for help. We are mothers not super heroes