Lived Experience Forum

[GardensHeart]

Hey @Captain24,

Well done on getting there. It can feel scary before we do something different or meet someone new. Take a few deep breath and know that we are here with you. 

[Snowie]

Morning @Captain24 

I hope you appointment is going ok hon.

Please know we are here for you through this 💜💜

Perhaps you can do something nice for yourself afterwards.

[Captain24]

Thanks @hanami @GardensHeart @Snowie. 

She was running late so I was getting up to leave when she came out. 

I told her about my psychologist appointment and it bring up feelings of being unwanted and worthless. Then I said how I was feeling about myCM giving up on me and not wanting me. Then I broke down in tears. I’m so embarrassed. 

My CM’s mum is really sick so she can’t offer me the care I need as she needs to be able to leave immediately if things change. It makes sense but it still really hurts. 

This new one said I'm not depressed I'm just overwhelmed. She did ask if I had suicidal or self harm thoughts. I answered yes to both. At least I was honest though. 

I’m not ok. I feel very raw, ashamed and embarrassed. I really hate myself and my life right now. 

[Snowie]

I'm glad you were able to be open with the CM @Captain24 You should be proud of yourself for that, even though it was probably really hard to do.

Sometimes when we start talking, everything just comes out. That means our emotions too. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I too have cried in front of my supports.

At least you have an explanation why your normal CM can't see you. Hopefully your new CM can give you the support you deserve.

Is there something nice you can do for yourself? 

[hanami]

❤️ @Captain24 

[Captain24]

I’m supposed to be asleep for nightshift but I just can’t sleep. I’m usually a pretty good sleeper. I guess there is just too much pain in my life right now. 

[Captain24]

 

[Captain24]

 

[Bow]

Oh I get that @Captain24 ! 💕

[Captain24]

Inside I’m screaming but I don’t know how to get it out. I have a real urge to hurt myself badly but I have to go to work so I can’t