Lived Experience Forum

[JeJeJe]

G'day . New to the forum here, I hope you're all keeping well!

(Tl;dr have been through mental torture, in and out of hospitals, lost all friends and have been living socially isolated 4+ years. Want to meet good trustworthy people and not be lonely anymore. Not sure what to do anymore.)

I've joined up hoping someone may be able to offer me some direction or advice on a few problems I'm facing..

First off a bit about my past. I've dealt with mental health problems my entire life such as adhd schizophrenia depression anxiety etc and have been homeless, in and out of mental institutes, abused drugs, have been physically and sexually abused along the way and through my childhood. 

The whole time I have just had one thing in focus.. recovering. 

Being 26 years old now I've gotten to the point where I can honestly say I have my mental health under full control and can consider myself being a somewhat functional and normal appearing human out in public.

The problem I'm facing now is that through my journeys I've disconnected from anyone I ever associated with either because of my anxiety and shame of poor life choices, or befriending people who I'd consider destructive to my recovery.

I've been living alone now for 4+ years with very minimal human social interaction due to being ashamed of my past and who I am as a person. I have no friends at all.

This isolation really has a grip on me and it's something I really want to smash out of the way but it feels impossible, and haven't managed to find a way out of it yet.

I've attempted speaking with my local GP, have been referred to psychiatrists and psychologists but they just don't seem to understand me at all. It's either pump me full of medication again from the psychiatrists, or to join activity groups that don't appeal to me, with mentally unstable drug users who couldn't care less about recovering, old retired men.. and other groups or activities that are too far away for me to attend.

I don't consider any of these recommendations helpful in building friendships, learning to trust again or to build confidence in myself. They are the complete opposite imho.

I just want friends again, I'm wasting away my life being lonely, and I don't want to die alone.

What should I do? How can I open myself up to the world and make myself heard. How can I meet likeminded people that I'd actually get along with and make good enjoyable times with? 

I can't go on much longer living like this and I'm becoming impatient.

[Maggie]

@JeJeJe  Welcome to the forums.

Well done on getting as far as you have done in your recovery. It takes hard work, and lots of it.

I don’t know if you have looked at, or would consider doing voluntary work, in an area that interests you. It’s a way of getting out, meeting others, and doing something very worthwhile. It could open other possibilities also.

You are young, so maybe uni or study options might be worth considering.

It’s good to have you here on the forums. I’m sure others will have some very worthwhile suggestions.

A forum tip. The @ brings a dropdown, and is how we tag here.

A few threads you might like to check out.

Good Morning 

Good Afternoon - Afternoon Tea 

The safe room- somewhere to just come and sit.... offload... feel supported 

Saturday Soiree - all welcome!! 

SUNDAY FUNDAY 

I hope you see you around. Take care.

[SJT63]

@JeJeJe 

have a think about what you enjoy doing - or maybe would enjoy doing

• something creative with your hands (painting, knitting, quilting)
• men's shed activities like woodwork building
• gardening or cooking
• playing an instrument (beginner Uke groups are everwhere these days),
• volunteering at the op shop or local museum/tourist attracion 
• playing chess or cards or board games
• ammatuer theatre or toastmasters - there are lots of jobs to do at the local theatre group that don't involve acting if that's not your interest
• sporting groups need folks in the canteen and keeping the scoreboard as much as players if you don't want to play
• collecting stuff (coins, gems, insects)
• Lions or Rotary (rotary have an under 30's called Roteract I think) who collective do community work and fundraising

almost every community, large or small, has many groups that do these things together who come from a point of common interest where age, experience and background are no barrier to the mutual love of the particular thing.

You can meet like minded people to have enjoyable times with. But I also urge you not to discount the "old retired men", or women, who you will find in these groups because they are the ones with the time on their hands. They are also the ones with the patience and wisdom to help.

My MI partner builds model aeroplanes out of balsa and tissue and carbon fibre and flys them every couple of weeks with the other 11 people in this corner of the state who do it. Its a 3 hour drive to where they fly and I get him up at 2 in the morning to get him on the road on time. You can only fly at dawn before it gets too windy. They are all old men now, but boy do they know their stuff.

Just pick one and get involved. If it doesn't work out try the next one. You may only meet mainly old people to start with, but your confidence will grow and you will be surprised what may come from that.

I do hope you find your happy place.

[Elsy]

Dear Jejeje,

I fully support what Maggie suggested. You have done an amazing job getting to where you are. With all that work you have the skills to make the next step. I have found Community Centres or Libraries are a great source for groups and connecting with people.

I also find that walking, whilst solitary is an excellent space to sort things out and make yourself a list of thigs to do when you get home.

Remember to be yourself and you will attraqct the right sort of people. Your message has already connected you with 2 people at least.

All the best to you.

Elsy

[jem80]

@JeJeJe @Elsy @SJT63 @Maggie 

I agree with the others about finding interests that you can engage in whether it be online or offline.

When I join groups I never mentioned my lived experience with mental illness as I don't define myself with my illness. Yes my past is a part of me but it is not my identity. My identity is that I'm creative, artistic, thoughtful, has a love for sports.

If someone asked you what were your interests and how you identify with yourself would it be along the lines of caring? or are you artistic? or are you someone that likes to build things? or are you technical and like computers? What interests do you identify with and how they make up your identity, not that it would be dismissing your lived experience with mental illness, abuse and substance misuse they are still apart of you but you are much more.

Medication helps but it's the balance of social interaction as well as taking medications. Have you had a chat with a psychologist what some of your challenges are and have you discussed any new strategies. Also it takes time to develop a rapport with psychologists and psychiatrists.

If you wanted to connect with groups that have a lived experience of mental illness  there will always be the challenge that others may not be at the same stage of recovery as you are which can be frustrating for you. When I have been a part of mental health group activities like art, music, social outings, cooking, etc and have been around others that may have negative comments, I tell myself that they are in a different place in their recovery journey and I reflect on how I behaved or thought at the beginning of my recovery journey and realise that I may have been resistant in other ways. We are all different. For some it takes a long time before they are ready to change and move forward in their recovery. I have always asked myself why am I there. You can also chat with the faciltator if you feel uncomfortable and they can assist.

It unfortunately does takes patience as it's also about hearing where the other person has come from, what are their Barriers and challenges that they have in their lives? 

I have someone that finds me frustrating because I don't call all the time and that is to do with my own challenges and then the other person has their own challenges having Long conversations with me. I'm not angry because I understand their limit and they have learnt to understand mine. It's about comprising and communication.

On these forums you will find some lovely like minded people who are supportive.

Im not sure if I have answered your questions but I hope by sharing a little about my experiences it may help.

[Krishna]

Hi @JeJeJe . Sounds like you're ready to reinvent yourself. Is it possible that you can move somewhere, anywhere to make a fresh start? Never too late for that. Volunteering is always a good way to meet new people and maybe connect with like minded ones. People that share your interests whatever they may be. People that will lift you up not drag you down. I love gardening and caring for the environment personally so joined the local Landcare group. Like minded souls with a purpose. Maybe think about what lights you up and do a little research to see what's out there. Good you've reached out here as a lot of supportive people on this site. I wish you luck and blessings in your search. 

[Elen]

Try to do some volunteering, it's a good motivation to get up the next day and can meet other people too. Join a club of something that interests you and mingle with others who have the same interests.

[Maggie]

Hi there @Elen  welcome to the forums. 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻

[K8tie]

Hi @JeJeJe 

I'm so glad you have reached out for help and I truly hope you find it here or some where else. Reading what you wrote, one word came to my mind STRENGTH.

Your recovery seems to have a great deal of meaning to you and I can asure you, that you are far from alone in that respect.

When I saw what you had said about "recovering" it gave me the impression that you have not only reached a certain step in your recovery but you have over come so much to get there, and for that you should be so proud!

You seem to me to be a survivor and a fighter. For what you have over come to get where you are is big accomplishment that in its self. It is indeed lonley and can be extreamly isolating, when you get to the place in your recovery where you are at. However from experiance I found the biggest road block with going to certian places that were suggested to me was my own fear stopping me. I would convince myself that It was going to be crap before I would go and at times it kinda was but even then I noticed somthing would happen that would make me feel good or happy even if it was just the journey their. When I gave it a chance It seemed to give me purpose in my day and it also opened me up to meeting new people whom I would never had met if I hadn't had gone.

If your not ready for any of that I respect that. But try thinking about what it would be like to have a go. Also there is a group called voice of a survior try looking them up.

In the mean time I am happy to chat with you here and hopefully ease some of that feelings of isolation for you if that helps. 

Thank you for opening up and letting people in. 

K8tie

[nath2]

I hear you. I'm at the same stage in my recovery journey and isolation is a big problem for me. All I can say is thanks for sharing your story, you got some great replies and its given me ideas as well. Seems like volunteering could be a good option? Its something Im going to look into. All the best with reconnecting with people and making friends again, I believe you can do it! Good luck!