Lived Experience Forum

[ChrisFS]

I'm a social worker, and I've been supporting my partner and step kids through ongoing DV from their father/ex husband for about 2 years, federal circuit court ect.

It's taken it's toll on both of us, triggering both of us for along time now (I also experienced dv in my past marriage as a male, victim).

The last few weeks have been excruciatingly hard, my step son disclosed sexual absuse, he has ASD and is 8. 

We're both so triggered and hurt, I'm currently sleeping in a park in the rain and I hate this...

So just saying something, speaking out finally to talk about it and joined the group because I have let my self-care go to the wayside, and I shouldn't have. 

I feel like I've failed them.

[Violet_]

It’s okay to feel defeated sometimes, but I am more then sure when I say that your son disclosed this hard information to you because he trusts you; all your efforts have paid off, he’s seen it and felt your love. 

I know this information is something no parent wants to hear however, him telling you this shows how strong your bond is and how much he knows you’ll always be there for him and his mum. 

Having emotions bottled up isn’t natural— it’s normal to cry and let out everything we feel. But what’s important is, reminding ourselves of our achievements and what we can control in these hard times. 
I would suggest having a sit down with your partner; hash out everything you’ve been feeling by using open communication. 
I am sure it will release some pressure off of your chest. 

I also want to remind you, you don’t have to do everything on your own; you allow your partner to lean on you…. So allow yourself to lean on them. 

not matter what, im proud of you.  
Even though I’m a stranger, I think you should hear the words “im proud of you”. 

-V

[NatureLover]

Hi, welcome, @ChrisFS , it's good to have you here.

I'm very sorry though that you're sleeping in a park in the rain 😢

I'm wondering what professional support you might have? Like a counsellor? 

Also, whether you or your partner have support from 1800RESPECT ? Or  Relationships Australia ?

You can type any subject into the Search bar above, here on the forums, for threads on that topic. E.g. DV, domestic violence, SA, CSA etc.

There is also the SANE Helpline 1800 187 263.

A handy forum tip is if you tag someone by typing @ and then clicking on their name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

I really hope you can go back home soon... 🤞

[Melbcoffeesnob]

Hi Chris,

Thank you for reaching out and sorry to hear things are difficult right now. Things will get better. 

To reiterate what @Violet_  has said, it sounds like you are doing an amazing job as a stepfather as your stepson really trusts you and looks up to you. He would not have not reached out and disclosed this information to you otherwise. It sounds like you have done a wonderful job with teaching your son to trust and reach out for help, also to let you know that it's okay to do the same and to reach out for help.

You sound like a strong resilient capable individual who cares about people a lot, you have been taking care of everyone else in your life, your family your clients, and your colleagues, and you are there for everybody else (which is an outstanding quality to have, I really applaud you) but can I ask when you are struggling who are you reaching out to? 

I know it's easier said than done, but in this line of work in social work, we really need to be looking after ourselves, so we don’t burn out. 

I'm learning 'you cant pour from an empty cup'. You are allowed to put yourself first

[ChrisFS]

Hey thankyou all for taking the time to reply and respond, I very much appreciate it.

Ive don't this for 16 years, and this is my first burnout - Im also neurodiverse, and I had my first meltdown in 5-6 (?) years.

This is me reaching out as a starting point, bexuee I have not put myself first, and I have put everyone but myself first, and yeah - I know that's the exact opposite of what I should have done, hindsight is a bitch but I can only take it as it is and do something different to move forward.

So this is one of those first steps.

[Melbcoffeesnob]

Hi @ChrisFS,

Well done on taking that first step and reaching out, youre so brave for doing so. So proud of you!

Here is a safe and non-judgmental place to express your thoughts and emotions as you become comfortable talking to us here.

Do you have any support offline that you could talk to like a friend, or family member? I know communication is hard for you and to me sounds like you may get some anxiety when reaching out for help.

Do you have the support of your GP, or a psychologist? I think it may help you as well to have some professional help too.

Please do keep talking and tell us more about your situation if you feel ok to do so. 

Speak soon

@Melbcoffeesnob 

[ChrisFS]

Heya, sorry for not getting back earlier.

I have someone I talk to, yes. I appreciate you checking in 🙂

No matter how hard I push, advocate and try, I can't fix this and I really don't know what to do.

I feel defeated, a failure as a partner and parent, and a joke as a professional who works in this industry and have no solution.

I'm not trying to sound whingy or "poor me", I'm just f'ing exhausted and drained.