Lived Experience Forum

[depression101]

I am diagnosed wuth complex majir depression.

I have hurt my wife (mental stress to her) and she has left me.

This made me face upto my illness, but she insisr she has lost her live.

Everyone tells me I have to just accept that. Ok but its not.

Im 62, married 3 times, I love my wife.
I csnt stop this feeling and realky dont want to.

She is beautiful perdon, I made it to hard for her.

I want to communicate but get told not to.

Thatd tearing me apart.

[pip]

Dear depression 101. Can I ask when your wife left? If she has only been away a short time, she needs to 'lick her wounds' and heal. I would consider sending her a note/text, tell her how much you love her. If you are getting some sort of help/therapy, tell her. Ask if it would be possible to meet on neutral ground i.e coffee shop/café. Perhaps ask her to share a meal. Depression is a crippling, soul destroying illness, it affects everyone involved. Get some info regarding the illness. If she will agree to meet, show her the info and explain you're getting help. Once she sees for herself you are trying to get help and get better, she may agree to return. One other thought, here, if you are receiving counselling/therapy, ask if it's possible (if your wife agrees) could she accompany you. This way, she will see how genuine you are about getting better.

[depression101]

We had a major argument late April, lots of name calling and me demeening her words. So much regret but she was so badly hurt she wouldnt let me say sorry.
Left me early May.

She is very hurt that she just doesnt want to hear about what I am doing to get well.

If I get well, not coming back. If I dont she cant live with me.

Catch 22.

I love her so much.

[pip]

Dear Depression 101. I would say she, at the moment, doesn't trust you, or want to listen. Perhaps also, 'sorry' at that time wasn't enough. Maybe, for now, concentrate on getting well. If you know where she is, leave her alone. If you contact her, she may decide to relocate. If you concentrate on you and getting well and leave her alone, you may well find that once you PROVE you HAVE changed, she may also rethink and return. All I'm really saying is, time and proof is the answer. She needs proof that you are not the same person she left.

[utopia]

Hi @depression101. I agree with @pip. You need to heal yourself first before you concentrate on anything else. That doesn't mean that it won't hurt not seeing you. But it will give both of you the chance to heal.
So you are diagnosed with major depression. Who are you seeing for it? Do you have a opsychiatrist that you see - the one who diagnosed you. Do you see a psychologist for talking through your feelings, learning new coping techniques? Are you taking any medicine for the depression? What are you doing to try and change how you feel, how you are coping?

[depression101]

So many goid comments, thank you.

I live in remote WA, returned recently after stay in regionsl MHU. Immediately felt stress ss I got of the plane.

Seen psychiatrist, trying hard but regularly failing to put me first. I cant stop loving my wife. She keeps insisting we are over.

I get so frustrated with myself.
I just dont seem able to communicate. Major short coming for me internslise me a lot.

I feel she wants to talk but history of me frightns her.

Hurts me a lot when she uses phrases like my past decision making was domestic violence.
I was always just trying to take the worries on me. Was I so wrong.

[depression101]

Questions ans.
No to psychiatrist who disgnosef me dt my remote location.

Yes on medication. Antidepresent and sleeping pills.

No to psychologist. Hard to get appt. At leadt 6 weeks. I feel this is my key, but cant get the time.

Not coping well at all. Very isolated and lonely.

Hope that answers

[utopia]

@depression101. I have my psychiatrist appointments via SKYPE. I wonder if there is a psychologist service that uses Skype. May get you in quicker. Until then don't forget you have LifeLine & Beyond Blue you can call. If you start feeling worse, call the hospital you were at and talk to one of the psych staff. Any of these services will help get you over the hump until your counseling gets started.
You mention your wife saying some of your past decisions were domestic abuse. Do you know why she says that? You may need to look into whaf she means by that. Look up Domestic violence definition - it doesn't have to be physical. Maybe that will help you see where your wife is coming from.
Hang in there. Keep talking to us or lifeline until you get further help

[depression101]

Why is it that I feel I gave my wife all I had and yet I heart doing so made her feel I was cibtrolling her?

Why is it that I have times of uncontrollable sadness and tears?

[depression101]

Sorry bad typing on phone keypad.

Should read, "yet all I did seems to have Hurt her"

Additional.
I love my wife.
She has suggested I can move in to her place as I about to lose my place as it comes with my job that I can no longer do.

She says it will be, as friend only as she no longer feels love for me.

I want to be there but you can imagine my feelings.

I dont want to distress her with my feelings.

Advise on how to be a friend to someone you love whilst in the same house.