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Something’s not right

florenceforty
Senior Contributor

Dating for the VERY first time.

TLDR: I doubt there's anyone who's experienced anything like this, but if you started dating later in life, did you feel any judgement? How did your partner help you through your "firsts"? Did they understand?

 

I have basically had a lump in my throat all night. 

 

I am reading The Series of Unfortunate Events. I am just about to finish Book Nine. From reading this series seven years ago, I know there's a romance in Book Ten. Violet, my favourite character, falls in love. I couldn't wait; I had a quick read of the section describing it, and it is SO [...] sweet.

 

"This is a very lovely view", Violet said. 

 

"Very lovely indeed", Quigley said... but he was not looking at the view beneath him. He was looking beside him, where Violet Baudelaire was sitting.

 

Many things have been taken from the Baudelaire orphans, but one thing that is not often discussed is their privacy. They were rarely able to spare a moment for some private time. 

 

So, as Violet and Quigley rest for a few minutes more on a ledge halfway up the frozen waterfall, I will take this opportunity to give them a bit of privacy, by not writing down anything more of what happened between these two friends on that chilly afternoon. 

 

I will tell you that the two young people resumed their climb, and that the afternoon slowly turned to evening and that both Violet and Quigley had small secret smiles on their faces.

 

That's edited, by the way, full disclosure. I normally hate love stories, but this is literally The Series of Unfortunate Events. She has been through so much before this, and so much is going to happen after this, that I frankly welcome it. It couldn't have happened to a better girl.

 

What made me upset was, Violet's fourteen... and I'm twenty-six. I'm probably going to be expected to have "grown-up" relationships, when I haven't had the chance to have naive, innocent relationships yet. Not to mention, because of my childhood trauma, I am younger psychologically than I am physically.

 

I have heard a lot of people say that they will never date someone who's never dated before. "I'm not in a relationship to teach someone how to be in one." Dating someone with no friends is a "huge red flag." So where does that leave me?

 

It feels like it's not worth trying. I had my chance, when I was growing up, and no-one wanted to know me. Why would they want to know me now that it's 1,000 times more complicated?

2 REPLIES 2

Re: Dating for the VERY first time.

hello @florenceforty Ive never dated before the age of 27 ,so understand where your coming from alot of past trauma ect has prevented me from dating before now I wont go into my current issues too much exept to say I too have been niave and find everything about relationships difficult as well ,if you have someone in your life you can trust with your worries and talk to about it or a counseller then please do and please listen to yourself your intuation and listen to those who you trust and who knows you best,I understand as Ive pretty much had a crash course in dating and have had to learn most things by experience please take care of yourself and stay safe during your Dating Journey ,You will learn alot about yourself and the people you date both good and bad so please Take care of you and listen to advice and your intuition as much as you possibly can,you will make mistakes and they will make mistakes too because youll be literally learning as you go along but please make safety your first priorty and then you should be ok HeartHeart 

Re: Dating for the VERY first time.

I am old and had not really heard of the idea of dating before my 30s!  I think there was some tv show called blind date ... and it seemed so fake. Dating has become a general word now, though I prefer... meeting people. As the cattle market approach turns me off. There are ALL sorts of people out there.  It is amazing how diverse the world actually is.  I dated a few guys online for about 6 months a long time ago, then decided online dating was really not for me.  I saw a whole lot of generalisations tossed around, some of them alright..ish some of them ridiculous..  Getting out and having coffees with different people is a good idea.  Starting off with the idea they are a life partner is too high stakes imo.  I am glad I did have that 6 month experience.  It showed me I was not ready to commit,  nI still had children at home.  I am more open to the idea now, but keeping my feet firmly planted on the ground.  Dating to get away from family and life obligations and issues, may not be the wisest thing.  Life issues and obligations will remain no matter who we meet....

Cheers @florenceforty @LostAngel 

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