Lived Experience Forum

[Rosalieann]

I am being bullied and singled out by a manager and it's led me to feeling anxious and more depressed. I have lost sleep by having vivid nightmares about the work place and waking up crying and scratching at my wrists( a bad habit I have when I'm feeling helpless and low)
I left work Saturday in tears. Firstly when i started my shift my manager didn't even reply I my hi how are you. An employee didn't show up to a shift and I was asked if I could stay back to cover. I apologised and said I couldn't because I had valid plans to celebrate my 21st birthday (which I had already discussed after I agreed to already staying back an extra hour) I was then yelled at in front of costumers with the question not asked but asserted to me. I said I couldn't and had already made plans. She snapped at me pointed and said this is why I never ask favours, you are never willing to help out. I turned to her and said I don't understand why you are speaking to me in this way, I have helped out the best I can. She then told me to just leave. Note the hour I stayed back I had to take on the responsibility of both the cafe', front desk whilst my manager was out the back on the phone. I had no help. After being yelled at, I tried to compose myself whilst helping costumers. I then went to get my bag, burst in to tears and waited to talk to her. I asked her if she could hear me out. I explained my situation, how I always help out when I can. She raised her voice and mentioned several issues with other employees about not turning up to shifts, calling in sick ect. I told her that their faults had nothing to do with me and that I work hard. She then went on about how hard she works. It's important to note that she has cut my shifts to only once a week for only 4 hours. On several times I have tried to ask for more set shifts to which she has shrugged off and said she has to be fair though other employees are getting more shifts than me. After hearing how hard she has been working I just said I understood, it's a hard role to take on and that I didn't think she's horrible and that she is a person too. But that I'd like to be treated more fairly. I said I wanted a life outside of my job. She just went on to say how she didn't have a life. Eventually she briefly said sorry but then turned to me last minute and said but you know what it's your fault too because you assumed.

I have been told to quit, to complain but I'm just left feeling helpless. I can't quit, even though I only have one shift it gets me by. I have had no luck finding a new job and the money I get as support from the government I give to my single mother to help pay bills.

Last night I actually contemplated ending my life. That's how awful it's made me feel. I just turned 21 and I feel so trapped by a casual job that I know means nothing.
😞

[NikNik]

Hi @Rosalieann

Firstly, I'm so glad you found the Forums and shared your story. No one should go through what you're going through.

You sound like such a amazing caring daughter, helping your mum out with the bills.

The actions of your boss has pushed you to a point to where you are contemplating end of your life - No one should ever make you feel that way. I can't stress enough how completely unacceptable and unreasonable your boss's behavious is, and from what you have written, I sense that you believe this too. This is not a reflection on you.

These 4 hours of work a week are impacting your life 24/7 - it sounds like someone has said this to you before, but it's not worth the impact it's having on your life. Quitting or complaining will be hard.. it's not easy - but taking action now, will prevent long term damage (short term pain for long term gain perhaps)

If  you do get to that dark place again, and are contemplating taking your life, it's really important to talk to someone. The following organisations offer really great support 24/7:

Lifeline 13 11 14 or check out their online crisis chat

Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 or try their online counselling

May I ask, have you spoken to a professional about feeling anxious and depressed?

[EmJay]

Hello @Rosalieann

Being made to feel like you are being bullied and singled out at work is terrible and is obviously having a great impact on your mental health and well-being.

It is really hard to make the decision to complain or leave work and it is a big decision as it affects you financially.

@Former-Membertalks about the very difficult decision about whether to work or not to work here, as working may negatively affect her mental health. @Former-Member- do you have any tips for Rosalieann?

Are there any other members who can relate or have tips for Rosalieann?

EmJay

[Former-Member]

Hi @Rosalieann

Your boss sounds really unreasonable (and very focussed on her own needs)! Congratulations on your 21st, such an important milestone and I hope that you were able to celebrate despite your bosses attitude.

I like the way that you were able to handle the situation, you confronted her and explained yourself well, you should be really proud of that. I would never be able to confront someone like that! And i think that you let it go at the right time too, sometimes people are not going to change or alter their opinions because they are simply not in the right space in their own mind or are very inflexible in their thinking.

You have said that the situation is making you uncomfortable and anxious. As you are working such limited hours there I would really encourage you to look for other jobs, you dont deserve such treatment. If you find that you really need the money until you do land a job think about whether or not it is something that you can emotionally put up with until you find something else.

Some things i did when i was at uni: (i also worked in a supermarket) but i also put up adds to house sit and feed pets/water gardens etc on notice boards all around the place. I did some ironing for a few people for cash. I did some cleaning jobs as well at times and I really preferred these jobs where I was 'my own boss' so to speak. These may not be suuitable for you but maybe there are other ideas you can think of that are a bit out of the square so to speak that may give you some more options for now.

Glad to see you on the forums, please keep writing,

Take Care,

LJ

[Rosalieann]

Thank you all for your responses @EmJay @Former-Member @NikNik
I have been feeling so helpless and run down as well.
I have seen professional psychologists before but unfortunately I have had some bad experiences that put me off I also worry about the financial cost of seeing one. I must seem stubborn but I do want to be able to control my negative thoughts.

Thank you I was able to celebrate a little.
I have been looking for a job but have had no luck so far but once I'm over this horrible flu I think ill use the time I have with no shifts to apply for jobs being less picky. I just hope to find one with a decent manager! Because I have worked with strict managers before and was fine but this one is just unfair.
That's a good idea actually, I'll look in to it! I'm descent with a camera I'd love to teach people and do classes on that.

[WombatBoots]

Hi @Rosalieann

First of all Happy Birthday .. 21 is a biggy !!!!

Our situations are quite different however I can relate to so much of what you have written.

I too was bullied into sickness by a boss. It is a terrible situation to be in, especially when you have financial commitents.

I'm very time restricted at the moment, I would love to write more and I will later this evening.

Just know my thoughts are with you.

I'm also in to photography, do you have an online gallery DA etc? What sort of camera do you have?

I'll post again soon

ps: I'm writing from a laptop where the "m" button doesn't work .. I think I have gone through and put the (alt+109) in, if not I apologise.

my (alt +3) is with you Rosalieann

it needs to be done on a num pad, not the one's up top

[Appleblossom]

Dont let bullies in the workplace stop you seeing the value of yourself. Any time it happens remember its them not you at fault. Dont give them the satisfaction.

Over the years I have been shocked at how aggressive some women are and how they throw their weight around publicly not caring who they hurt.

I was lucky to meet good managers in the public service, years ago and it is not a a question of management.

These days things are hard workwise , especially in casual fields. Its easier to get a job from a job, so look around.  Maybe dont say things to get argumentative but look her in the eye when she is out of line.