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Re: Always the darkness

Hi @Zoe7. Sorry for being so quiet. I’ve been meaning to log in and reply to you, but this place is A Lot for my brain. Once again, I haven’t been able to read back through any other posts so sorry if I comment or ask about something you’ve already talked about somewhere else.

 

I’m glad you had a nice Christmas. I hope your Victorian visitor makes it down. It sounds like you have a lovely relationship. Loved the driving lesson story! 😊

 

I hope you’ve had a chance to rest and relax after the big block clearing job. It was very kind of you to help. Did you and Toby make it to the beach?

 

I’m okayish. Well, I’m still here, anyway. It has been very hot here (almost 40) for many days and I haven’t been able to use the split system since February last year, so I have no air conditioning. (Love to be lifelong renter. 🙃) Aside from the heat, I’m really struggling with the whole pandemic mess. Over 14,000 new cases today in Victoria. My OCD and anxiety were bad before COVID, but now … I have no idea how I’ll ever be able to leave the house again. (Except I’ll have to because I can’t cope with deliveries or someone else picking my groceries, and I really just wish my brain didn’t make things a billion times harder than they need to be. 😔)

 

Sorry, I didn’t mean to get on here and sook.

 

Happy new year to you and Toby and Clover. May it be a year filled with all the very best things.

 

Thank you for being you. 💚

Re: Always the darkness

Sook away my gorgeous friend - here listening Heart

 

I can imagine your distress at having to go out - it seems that every day the cases (nearly) all over Australia continue to double. I get highly triggered by the mask but now wear it everywhere because I know with my immune system I would be in trouble if I get sick. My GP did give me some PRNs to cope with the anxiety when it gets too bad.

 

Tobes and I have not made it to the beach yet. I was going to take him with me when we did the block but my sister suggested I left him at home ...that is because there was a trailer parked over their gate from the neighbour and so we would not be able to drive in and the gate would need to be open. When we got their the trailer had moved Smiley Frustrated 

 

I have been trying to get a few things done at home but been pretty tired. Just starting to feel a little better but can fall asleep at the drop of a hat still. I had some plans to paint a couple of rooms these holidays but at the current rate I won't get any done ...but that is okay - need to rest more.

 

Clover has become the great bug hunter - and broke one of my little ceramic plates this evening in the bathroom jumping at one. I honestly did not think she could get up that high as it was on the windowsill (supposedly out of her reach ...NOT). It wasn't expensive or had any sentimental value but I did like it ...so now it has gone to the big ceramic graveyard in the sky lol

 

Tomorrow I need to go out myself - fridge is nearly bare - but I will try to go early in the morning when no-one is really around. 👍

Re: Always the darkness

Masks are hard. I’ve been wearing one for almost 2 years now and many (many) panic attacks have been had. 😔 I really hope it gets easier for you so you can protect yourself without too much extra distress.

 

Resting is definitely more important than painting, but I know how frustrating it can be when your mind is buzzing with all the things on the to-do list but your body/brain just can’t manage much at all.

 

Sorry to hear about your plate, though I will admit I laughed at the ceramic graveyard in the sky! 😁 The places cats can get to will never cease to amaze me. Go Clover, bug hunter extraordinaire! 😊

 

Good luck with your shopping tomorrow. An early morning trip sounds like a wise idea. Don’t forget the carrots—that is, if they’re still a staple for you? (Or perhaps I'm completely misremembering? My memory is generally pretty useless.)

 

Take care, @Zoe7 and stay safe. 💚

Re: Always the darkness

OMG I did laugh at the carrots - yes they are on my list and yes they are still my favourites ...don't ever tell me again your memory is bad lol If there is a carrot in a meal then it is a proper meal hahaha

 

I found Clover climbing on the lattice part of the fence a couple of days ago. I had an old art trolley I am fixing sitting too close to the kayak on the fence (on hooks) so she climbed up the trolley, onto the kayak and then tried to climb the lattice. She was banished to inside for the rest of the night Smiley Mad No bug hunting and no zoomies around the yard 👍

 

I think she chases her own shadow too because quite often she is doing somersaults at nothing ...I know she chases her own flying fur lol Tobes either just looks at her as if to say 'not my crazy sister again' ....or ....joins her. Tonight they were both doing zoomies separately and then just seemed to join into one - OMG I laugh Smiley Very Happy Does Edie do zoomies? Cat only did when she was a kitten - she was too demure when she was older ...and let's face it - Tobes did enough for both of them.

 

Shopping may have to wait - my pay has not gone in yet - it may be delayed because of the holidays. It is not supposed to go in until tomorrow but it is always in the evening before - so I will check in the morning. I am like you @still_bookish I don't want anyone else choosing my groceries - it is hard enough getting good produce at the moment and if something is not good quality I will not get it. I do go to the grocer for my veggies though - they are (mainly) sourced local and surprisingly usually cheaper than the main supermarkets.

 

The mask thing will get harder if we are to wear them at school - I may have to take leave because I can't do them all day, every day. I could get a medical exemption but then there is the risk of exposure too so it is a tricky one. Masks suck hey Smiley Sad

Re: Always the darkness

Good news @still_bookish - can go shopping early 👍

Re: Always the darkness

Hi @Zoe7. I hope you were able to get out early and get your shopping done quickly and safely.

 

Clover sounds like a character. I’m glad she and Toby are friends. Edie does do zoomies, usually at the most inopportune times (like 1am). She’s 11 now (it was her 11 year adoptiversary two days ago 💚), and she still runs around like a wild kitten when it suits her.

 

Wishing you a relaxing afternoon and evening. 💚

Re: Always the darkness

Hey Hon. Not quite finished with all the shopping - need to go out later to do the rest. I had to order cat litter online to pick up because it wasn't on special in store (and a couple of stores didn't even have any my baby uses) - so off for a (small) road trip to a supermarket a few suburbs away. There are a few stores I need to go to on the way so I didn't go to them this morning (no point doing 2 trips). I also forgot to take my prescriptions so have to do that as well.

 

I love that Edie still does zoomies - bugger about the middle of the night antics though Smiley Frustrated I am lucky both Toby and Clover sleep through the night but Toby does like to wake me early for his breakfast. It is hard to ignore a growly, barky fluffball at 6am lol ...then I go back to sleep Smiley LOL Not on work days but he certainly does not recognise weekends - I have not trained him well LOL

 

Happy adoptiversay to you and Edie cat for two days ago @still_bookish My little girl turned one last week so whilst she is officially a big girl, she will always be the baby. She is quite small as well and will not grow much more - which I like as she still feels like a kitten.

Re: Always the darkness

Gosh, it’s been a week already. Sorry, @Zoe7, for not being around more. I’m not coping so well. I’m fine, I’m always fine, but I’m not okay, if that makes sense? I just wanted to pop in and say I’m thinking of you (always) and I hope the week is being kind to you. Take care and stay safe, lovely. 💚🦋

Re: Always the darkness

Yeah that makes absolute sense @still_bookish I have been in that spot sooooo many times - it is a hard space to be sitting. We put on the mask, we do what we have to do but we are not okay - very much hearing you my gorgeous friend 😞 You know I am here for you but I also know it is hard to reach out when we feel like this. I, too, think about you often and wish things were different for you. Keep swimming when you can Hon and use my love as a wave to ride on when you can. 

 

I am okay - had some issues to deal with the last few days but got through them - and had some good things happen as well so they have held me up. There is some good in this world and I very much put you in that box @still_bookish I do not care when or for how long you can be here - just looooooooove that you are back. You make my world just that little bit brighter and I thank you so much for that and just being you 💖💖💖

Re: Always the darkness

I have just join this forum and I have just read your post and I think you are so brave to put it all out there for all to see. I am able bodied but my mind is shot but this is not about me  you are an inspiration to me for posting. 

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