Lived Experience Forum

[Historylover]

Unfortunately, red/copper doesn't suit my complexion, @scruffypuffball. I've tried a few 8-wash colours for experimentation to see what suits, but once grey takes over it's a different ball game. I used to go for burgundy and purplish hues when my hair was dark brown, but just do the lavender these days. It all depends on our colouring, doesn't it? And how daring we are. So that must be henna on Indian men's beards? 

[Appleblossom]

No paying students atm, but have thought about using NDIS spt cdtr to help me get a part time job in a school, with back up support.  My neck made me very nervous about being in boisterous school environment, but if it is seen as employing a disabled person, I might bet the supprot I need, and then do not have to open my home.  It has been a big thing for me figuring out my space as private space and earning space etc etc ... 

Sequential learning will help, and worth the buy.  Me paying for teaching for myself, has been very hard won, so I know what you mean... Use online resources and enjoy and be patient.  Its all about endorphins and keeping the mind active as an older beginner, so different purpose and goals... @Historylover 

[Historylover]

Yes, @Appleblossom. I'm swimming through treacle with it at the moment but I'm aware that, although I may not be charging ahead, I'm getting an overview of an enormous field and the pieces should fall into place as I go along...eventually. Yes, it would be difficult to have strangers in your home. Many teachers are doing so online but that's not something that would suit me. I don't like live, online work of any kind. It's just not the same quality for me, and when I'm paying I want value.

[Appleblossom]

I am not impressed by online teaching or counselling, but it seems to be the way of the times...I think I might change my counselling to a guy who is in person, has a rustic looking place in an area I have a lot of memories of, and has a landline like me ... we are a dying breed.

@Historylover Fair enough re paying.  

I have had families and students through my house for over 30 years, so Covid gave me a good excuse to stop all that.  I am not totally agin people coming around but it has been good to feel like its my place and I can do what I want in my place. 

I started about 8, but did not practise enough to satisfy my mother, but nothing I did would satisfy her. I had a few periods with not much playing, but bought my own piano at 19 so must have enjoyed it.  (After a sewing machine and a motor bike ... not rich enough to think about a car ... )  I started serious playing and went through a lot of exams in mid 20s, I only had one year paid piano lessons as a child, so in many ways tho mother taught me at first, am also self taught.  Did typing at school and later worked as word processor.  I kept shifting my focus and learning different things ... just me I guess.

[Historylover]

An interesting progression of your piano playing life, @Appleblossom. Not many 19 year olds are buying a piano! I'm so reassured to learn that you have also done self-teaching. It has given me much more confidence in continuing this way. It would be a waste of money getting lessons at this early stage anyway. I've got too much groundwork to do. It's an entirely new language and having context is essential.

I would love to see someone to talk with at the moment. I feel that I could explode with rage and pain, as the issue that is causing me this distress has destroyed my life by destroying my relationship with my daughters. I was going through this necessary relinquishment to restore a corrected family. The injustice just never goes away, and this evil deed was done by my father who let me take the blame, even though it was an impossibility. It was a heinous, unforgiveable act, and when I learned of it, I never spoke to him again. His action cost me my daughters and my father. He knew that, and he did it deliberately and maliciously anyway. That's what is so hard to take and come to terms with. I'm supposed to love my parents, but I hate them equally. I can't see that this matter will ever be far from my mind. It is just too serious. Some things just never give us peace. No, I won't see someone as it is just a waste of time and money. I'm so sick of this heartache. I miss my daughters so much. I have been so maligned by vested interests while I gave up everything to correct this family dysfunction and save them from their own stupidity.

Sorry. I know there is nothing you can say. I've tried everything. I think I just needed to lance this pain. I can't live without my daughters. They are my reason for being but their heads are full of so much misinformation. I did my best for them, and if they ever stop to think for themselves, they would know that. Life is just so damned difficult—and family relationships? What can I say? 

[scruffypuffball]

@Historylover " So that must be henna on Indian men's beards? " - yes I assume so

There is a lady that used to work at the Sunnybrook Health Food Store (she might still be there) and she went all grey/white b/c of stress in her 30s and she has been using henna since.  She uses a product that mixes henna with indigo powder so it is more burgundy than orange.

Henna works with your existing colour and it depends where the henna is from.  Henna from Iran is more dark red, Henna from Egypt is more orangey.

HAIRDRESSER REACTS TO HENNA HAIR COLOR! - YouTube

Lush Henna Caca Rouge | Tutorial & Review | Before & After - YouTube

How I dye my dark brown hair with red henna - YouTube

[Historylover]

There were a lot of people going grey from stress at the same time as me, @scruffypuffball. It's interesting that the fellow on the video is grey(ish)! The copper on that young woman in the second video is gorgeous.

[Appleblossom]

@Historylover 

I had not intended teach piano, thought possibly of teaching English, but husband pressured me to earn money, and I could start earning a reasonable hourly rate straight away, even while children were around, so that become my path, part-time. Perhaps that is why it was so important to me to claim back personal space and personal enjoyment of music making. 

I feel your pain. My 2 girls are full of wrong ideas about me, and not interested in putting them into perspective.  It is soul shattering, and heart breaking.  How do we go on?   For me it was mother who betrayed me.  I can have temporary relief, and then a deep subconscious pull emerges again and I am consumed, by grief and the desire to reconnect and heal.  I wrack my brain for ways to improve the situation, but perhaps it will never matter what I do, and then I wonder, maybe that is the point, that it did not ever matter what I did, these things seemed outside my control ...

Good to have light hearted distraction ... I do like henna drawings on the skin ...

[Historylover]

I'm truly sorry for offloading on you, @Appleblossom. While writing, I was thinking that I shouldn't say these things to you, but I remembered you saying not to hold back. It's just that no-one but psychiatrists understand my situation in depth and what my ex-psy did to me, and I can't see any point in continuing that pointless path so I have to carry it inside. People seem to think that we are fine, but we're not, and no-one is helping. 

I was laying on my sofa several nights ago, thinking how contented I felt at that moment, after a day with my new keyboard. I thought if only my family wanted to share this good life with me and improve our shared life even more, but it's all just keeping me going for a bit longer. What a waste of me and of my life. 

You seldom say much about your own pain, and I know it bubbles away, unresolved. I had a browse through a few of your album pics. I can tell much about people by such expressions of their personality, and you never cease to amaze me. For someone whose life has seen such trauma, you have managed to form an astonishingly varied and accomplished personality, and I guess you can take the credit for that yourself. You're an inspiration to me, and I believe to many others. 

You mentioned that these things seem out of our control. I've been thinking along similar lines of late...that it is all predestination and there's nothing I can do about it. It is predetermined now, but it could have been so different if my ex-psy had been the person he pretended to be. But perhaps that was predestined too.

I like henna hand painting too. 

How is the situation re your grandson's possible relocation to Finland? How old is your grandson? Your son's son? I have five grandchildren. Three girls and two boys. I've 'met' them visually on Facebook. Is it a work transfer, or is his mother a Finn?

Got your new glasses yet? You mentioned that you may have liked to teach English. I can only say that I have never found my path, but if I had my time over again, I think it would be in some area of health.

[Appleblossom]

@Historylover 

My grandson is 4.  Son's son.  His mother is Australian but her mother is Finnish, lived here for 20 years but maintained another realtionship and left to return to Finland with another man.  There is a lot of hooha about speaking Finnish with him, to the point I had to be very creative encouraging him to speak English with him here on Aussie soil.  Its ridiculous as both his parents are Aussie and only one grandparent is Finnish.  Yes I know all about bilingual benfits ... yada yada ... its more about control and cutting us out.   Could I insist on 2 hours per month where we spoke English. Honestly!  Grandson is only there for 2 months, but son has almost given up fighting for his rights, but they are also his grandson's rights ....and my grandmother rights.  Rights based discussion does have its limits tho its touted lately in academia.  its so bloomin complicated in this day and age

My biological daughter is also overseas atm in America, on maternity leave, apparently, but she has never given birth or been pregnant, but is travelling with her ex teachers children that they did by IVF ... yep a 2 mum's scenario ... and that ex teacher ... was walking on very dodgy ground ... but is high profile and from high profile family.  The things some people get away with. I last saw my daughter on my my mother's funeral in 2015.  Spoken to her a few times on the phone.  

Gotta go and deal with car stuff with son.

Take Care ... yes there is a waste ... but dont internalise as it being about you ... or me ... it is a wasteful society we live in.