@Appleblossom, It is good that I see my son more, but there's another part of me saying "you don't deserve to be close to him" "you'll just relapse and he won't handle that" "it's not fair on him..."... I've got to learn not to expect anyone to love (respect or value) me, Can't afford to get close anymore. And of cause that becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Stupid mess all of it.
"Loving and letting go" is taken for granted, most parents are too.
I'm Glad your son made up for the other day. Sounds like he really loves you and you click a bit
👍 Time with my son still feels awkward. Next w'end will probably be our time, even if its the tail end of another visit to his dad (birthday visit). Time we wouldn't have if I swallowed the stash I cried over this morning. I'm trying hard to make up for my failings and inadequacies but really think it will never be enough, or good enough.
With your brother, You'll never know what and who contributed the most to your brother's death, or what that last straw was. God knows. I'm forever rehashing the things that contributed to my girls passing. Does our head in. And it's a matter of survival not to dwell in that place too long. Think The brain wants answers, but...
😢😞I'm sorry the church damaged you, it's not meant to be that way. Feet of clay the lot of us.
False teaching is a huge problem. Snd works without love nothing but a "clanging gong" (according to scripture). We have to live "in Spirit and in Truth" - to be authentic, but we are flawed, damaged, distracted and undisciplined it seems.
Catholic doctrine has got so far from the teachings of Christ that I'm sure it grieves the Holy Spirit greatly.
"Mother's guilt and self whipping" could be what I'm doing,. But even if I WAS directly responsible for my girls acute asthma attack, slack GPs and paramedics, even then, Jesus died for that, so I wouldn't have to pay the price... That's the gospel - to set us free of condemnation - but all that's so hard to live when ya hurting. I just want her back with us as herself.
Maybe i have suffered enough, hard to feel when lonely, close people keep walking out of my life.
Means a lot that you think I'm ok on the foums too. Still can't keep up though, or mend past strained comms, but we just gotta keep trying.
You take care Apple, Thanks
🍏🍎
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