Coming to terms with reality

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

Good morning. The birds are just begin in to chirp here. I had my coffee and ciggies for breakfast. Coffee is sickening after drinking it for long enough and goes hand in hand with smoking. Just run out. And thinking about stopping. Its a social thing for the visitors. A status symbol. So made cup of tea.

A new scanner. Fax. Copier and printer was advertised online last night. So i sent message about it. It's a couple hundred ks up the cost though so i asked about delivery. Good condition and so on. Good brand good price. These things are sometimes novelty and ornaments more then anything else. Hardly used. If they can deliver I'll grab this one.

It's hard to keep my writing away from people cause it's an open plan living area and in plain sight however it is on a computer. Would love to publish a short poetry or story book and be recognized for it.

Confirmed that the kittens are male through Internet browsing. Purrpurr is looking better all the time. Mac has a new collar with his rego Tag on it. And is booked in for vaccinations.

Eude

Keen to get back into no coffee. No smoking. No pot. (Which has reduced dramatically anyway ) and just a couple beers here and there. Herbal teas and good. Food. Exercise rest. Good relationships. And my hobbies. I got no reason to have all these stimulants in my system. However. It does fuel the reason for visitors coming around. I go through ups and downs. Highs and lows good and bad times. Effected bye dozens of different things. The cup of tea went down a treat

Take care. Look forward to hearing from you again.

[Former-Member]

good morning @eudemonism

yes I can hear birds chirping all around the house...from the office I am near the carport and one of the large sheds....

there are nests in the carport just under the tin roof....must get to150 degrees under there...

also nest in roof rafters of one of the large sheds...2 cute little willy wagtails...with mum and dad swooping very close anytime we go near garden or cars or shed...nature is beautiful...

online printer fax machine on-line...do you buy through paypal the safe way?

as far as your information on your computer you can add a password to open up your page.

also there is a way of compressing folders...I am not the best with computers...I will try to find out more if you are interested...

have the fridge and freezer arrived yet? so very exciting for you...

your home is going to feel even more yours with your new possessions...

be wary of those who will be envious....

can't you sit out in the back garden with a couple of chairs....just make it a no smoking inside your house policy...that will also help you cut right back on cigarettes then give up...instead of going cold turkey...swapping coffee for herbal tea is good idea....I have noticed huge difference in my anxiety levels as a result of cutting out coffee...rarely have it now....

dark chocolate if around is my downfall...

life can get rather boring being too healthy...need some fun..

husband playing bowls near the coast today...offered for me to join them ...have to sit in car with 3 other bowlers though...see how I feel...some of the men are very nice...others...hmm. I am very flat at moment so might not want to..

enjoy your day...very windy here...

must get outside if not walking doing some gardening..'

cheers for now

hello to mister mac and purrpurr...

take care.

talk soon

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

What a charming message too read. It really lifts my spirits because i know you care about what is going on in my life. It sounds likea very cost place you have there? I am trying to imagine it?

No the white goods have not arrived. But it will good when they do. A sense of achievement. And new energy with the new material possessions. Then I'll move onto getting a double wooden door pantry and book shelf for the hallway. Do you have any goals when it comes to material possessions?

It sounds like you got a few options for today. And it is your choice as too what you do. So either way. I am sure you will have a good day. Do you focus the weekends around time to relax and enjoy life? Before the week ahead?

I have got a pack of mince out. And a bag of frozen vegetables. And with the cooler weather here. I am thinkinga pasty slice type dish will be good. How did your lamb shank dish turn out?

I am also thinking about beginning to buy in bulk. Alot of pantry items and non perishables have long shelf life. And i am thinking when i see them on special. 2 or 3 of a kind will be wise for me to buy. Stuff like. Gravey. Stock. Noodles. Pasta. Sauces. Condiments. Vinegar. Spices. Long life milk. Oils. Cereals. Teas. And so on. Then in freezer i will be able to stock up on frozen veg. Meats. Frozen foods. And in the long run it will save me money be more economical and efficient. Do you do this type of thing?

And really hoping the mechanics can get a whole heap of stuff done on my car. Stuff like. Brakes. Front suspension. Lower and upper ball joints. Gas the aircon. Fix the window squirters. Fix the power window. And change the tail light. But 1k only goes so far at the mechanics. And yea. Do you have a licence and car? Do you like driving? I have paid in advance.

Apart from this everything is well and focusing on moving ahead and myself. I must admit through my emotions and thoughts have been consumed bye my new found lady friend. I happily await the next time i get a visit from her.

Do you have any advice about what a life with minimum coffee and no smoking looks like? As it has been such a big part of my life for so long now.

And yes anyone can become envious. I was just self talking to myself about this. Worry about myself. And let the world come against me before i come against it and have faith.

Ok all for now. Have a good day

Eude.

[Former-Member]

@eudemonism

you sound very cheerful in your response...

we live on 5 acres about 5 minute drive from a little country town in the hills...

far too much hard work for us now re upkeep of garden...

we have just retired ...house has been on market for a while..

hoping to sell as soon as possible...then we are building a smaller home on a block of land on the outskirts of same small town..

a bit like a domino effect...as soon as this place sells...life can start moving forward...

meal turned out to be scrumptious....

do you have a slow cooker? if you like cooking they are very economical....prepare food in morning...put slow cooker on low....ready in evening for dinner....just need to keep stirring throughout the day...

make all sorts of soups...casseroles...stews...lamb..chicken...beef..vegetables...easy

would be good if you are buying half an animal...the cheaper cuts of the animal as in oyster b steak..some people use chuck steak...when slow cooked become extremely tender...

wonderful in colder months..

buying in bulk is good...essentials...toilet paper...dishwashing liquid..soap powder for washing clothes...toothpaste...pasta....some tinned food..cereals ...tea ...biscuits...always check use by dates...if not long to go not worth buying in bulk. spices and herbs only buy what you use when you need...otherwise I find end up throwing out..unless is one particular one that I use all of the time...

frozen vegetables yes are good to buy on special...

expensive work needed on your car....that is problem with cars they are not an investment but cost a fortune to maintain especially as they get older...

I do drive yes....I just bought myself a ten year old small car which I love driving....

wonderful news about new lady friend....slowly slowly...become friends first....get to know each other...

do sound like a mum don't I.....

yes a life with no coffee...or just limit of one per day....if too hard...then no coffee....you will be very surprised how much calmer you will feel....strong amounts of caffeine increase agitation..anxiety...

I have noticed huge improvement in my anxiety...now only bad when triggered..

without smoking....you will have better breath....better sense of smell...smell nicer as in no smoke on clothes etc...you will start noticing smoky smell on others...definitely make your house a no smoking zone which will help you....your house will smell nicer....better for you  and your animals too...if people object then that is their problem...you have every right to make decisions about rules for your home...will also help you be more successful in giving up smoking yourself...

sorry that you asked now??

as far as planning for weekends...yes mostly if going to visit family an hour drive in all directions...

husband plays sports on saturdays so only ever sunday free...am intending to visit my mum in nursing home tomorrow...will check what younger son up to and ask if he would like to meet us there...

well enjoy your weekend....

mister mac and purrpurr will sense your lighter mood...sense of happiness...anticipation....a lovely time for you all

take care

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

No i don't have a slow cooker at the moment. I used too. But i broke it during one of my relapses.

No i am not sorry i asked about the smoking. I have to find out some how.

I have had a head ache all day. Early morning. Too much scree time. Not enough sleep.

I'm rather heartbroken about life. There is this internal feeling that just constantly eats away at me. A dissatisfaction. A discontentment. A displeasure. I suppose it has been there for many years now and is not about to go away. And it makes me try in vein to change the way things are.

My headache could be from running out of coffee this morning........

I think I'm going to call the crisis line so 8 can talk with someone.
.
Eude

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

I'm very frustrated that i ain't got the one on one support i need too make life easier. The only supports i get are based around myself reaching out for it. Examples. Visiting people. Friends. Family. Community supports. And in all honesty. It becomes very tiring. It is in vein that i do it.

Ideally. A woman. A partner would be getting with me and doing the long term thing. So many hours alone. So many hours at home. Not enough outdoor exercise. Not enough good quality time with people. Too much technology. Etcetera.

Life is hard work. And i kind of given up on alot of stuff. The job. The partner. The good life. The house. The 4wd. The boat. The business. The gym. And i don't really care about any of it. Apart from when im face to face with it.

Eude.

I deserve that special relationship. The intimacy. The care. The friendship. The partner like figure. I've just resorted to this disabled and mentally ill lifestyle. And its just as hard as the opposite.

[Former-Member]

@eudemonism

I do hear what you are saying..

having a good partner in life where both people relate to each other's space as well as spending enjoyable time together is hard to find..

I wore a mask for so long without realising ...my first marriage was doomed from the start by a very controlling family of in-laws and a n over controlling husband .....

the mask  becoming tighter....I had to support my sons in my way on my own..ex husband valued materialism over ethics and values...

I now know that I should have tossed that mask away years ago....been myself regardless of judgement..

you are wanting to find happiness with a partner..

as are many young men of your age...nothing to do with mental illness..

many are disillusioned no different to you...again I say.. Nothing to do with mental illness..

if you focus on you and believing in you...life will bring you happiness

human nature to have up and down feelings..

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

Yea i understand what you're saying. All very good and valid points. I think i am aware of what you're saying? As for the materialism thing. I base that around me and my life. In other words. I don't give to get something in return.

It's like flipping a coin.

I may always be single. And im cool with that. I did what i wanted with my younger life. And chased the dreams of my hearts or desires. However you want to put it. And many a good things and opportunities passed me bye. But i believe i found my true self in the process. And learned many a valuable lessons.

I like how you put. Finding someone who you can enjoy time with. But also recieve space from.

Eude.

Am waiting on a book shelf and shelves to be delivered. Bought unseen. Only seen through photos. That's just how it goes. They look clean tidy and decent and sturdy. Last 50 years type of thing. All with other quality stuff that was advertised.

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

You know what I said to myself the other day? One thing i am never going too do. Is come between someone and their relationship with God. Or do anything to damage their relationship with God.

I know how damaging people can be for one another. And it is toxic. It is poisonous. And trusting in other people is sometimes. The worst thing you can do. Turning to people for qualities and traits and attributes that only ones self can truly give is an awful cycle to be stuck in!

Eude.

Within reason.

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member

Yea up and down feelings 😤