Coming to terms with reality

[Former-Member]

hello @eudemonism

so pleased that you laughed at the adopted virtual mum part ...also that your mum would smile too...

Your dog's breed kelpie cross border collie is a perfect match...an intelligent...well natured dog ...who would love exercise and your attention...

I too have a tortoiseshell cat who is black white and ginger....they call that blend calico apparently...one leg is ginger the other leg is white....part of her face is ginger on one side and black on the other....

she has beautiful eyes when they are wide open....not that often she tends to squint and glare...angry tortoiseshell nature so the vet told me....she has long fluffy hair and a huge long tail like a raccoon...

my other cat is a blue british short hair with his own personality as well...

you have covered many subjects in your last response...I need to have the time to respond carefully....

we are about to go out in the next half hour or so....I do not want to rush my answers...

I will quickly say....given the fact that you have to deal with psychosis and perhaps delusion? are they the thoughts that are at war with each other?

you question them well when putting them in writing....

you are doing far better than you realise I believe...

this is one of the benefits in writing on a thread like this....you can express yourself in your own time and as the thoughts...feelings arise....as opposed to having an appointment for a limited time..

check out the thread positive thoughts I think it might be...it would be under looking after ourselves..

I write down positive quotes that I can relate to and carry them around in my purse....have a quick look at them when I feel a little shaky or not coping as well...

I will write back and respond to your other points either later today or tomorrow....

take care in the meantime

ps say hello to mister and purrpurr for me...

[eudemonism]

Um well as @Former-Member I've got the diagnosis of schizophrenia. Which comes in many subtypes and from mental health professional too mental health professional the label / diagnosis could easily change or be interpreted as something totally different. Plus, i believe that all mental illness diagnoses can manifest. (But in general the nature and scenario behind my symptoms has not changed )

But from my own understanding. It's a clash between what goes on in the mind. And what's happening in reality. I think there is many complicated words which can describes moods or personalities....

As for delusions... i think they are false beliefs... which cause emotions too bubble forth... emotions then, thoughts and then actions... whether it is positive or negative is a totally different matter. It could be what produces psychosis.

If believing I'm a bad person makes my life worse and believing I'm a good person makes my life better. What would be best for me to believe?

And always looking forward and not backward is something that changes the scenario. And just accepting the present and having techniques to manage whatever thoughts or feelings may arise. Caused from either past, present or future grandiose or persecutory based memories or beliefs. (Taking action in the present which leads to positive things for ones self is not a bad thing )

For instance. Making plans... rational plans that I'm capable of achieving... a walk down the jetty at sunset with my dog... it keeps me sane...

[eudemonism]

Hey @Former-Member yea... the symptoms of my illness are flaring up...

Do you think that 99.9% of what goes on in our heads is not true?

There positive and negative stuff going on in my head. And I'm desperately wanting the negative stuff too not be true. And really struggling to make the positive stuff become a reality. Sometimes the wires get crossed and it turns into one big jumble.

Everything i have read about schizophrenia is closely similar to what I have experienced over the years. And i suppose it is a case of accepting it and moving on. And rebuilding the life i want to live.

Just cannot elaborate enough. How meaning full all of this stuff in my mind is too me. And my ability to tell truth from false is basically not working.

Any techniques or tactics you have which could help defuse what is going on? And take action which points me in a positive direction?

It is all very based around persecution and grandiose storylines and links into my life.

[Former-Member]

hello @eudemonism

I hear what you are saying....it is beyond imaginable for me...

I do know that underneath all of the delusions...hallucinations for some people ...the real person is still there....

so I respond to the real eudemonism....you are a very kind...considerate...gentle person...

you have purrpurr who has given birth to kittens...my goodness...you already have homes for them...often not the case in society...

you have a beautiful dog...mister...whom you take to the beach and share ...enjoy each other's time...frolicking in the sea and sand...priceless moments...

I have not experienced what you have...I have a son who describes horrific content to me when most unwell...he is not yet able to differentiate the truth from the delusions....he is still there though...

all that I can say to you from the bottom of my heart..believe in you....as hard as it will be...if you possibly can let those horrific...negative voices pass over you...endure if you can...they will pass...settle yourself as best as you can and look at what you have...your beautiful dog and cat...

you say that you have family and friends...

it is so true the simplest things in life are the best...

spend as much time as you can with nature...the beach...the sea...observe..smell...refresh...go back time and time again....

that is the only advice that I can offer...believe in you...I have no experience of such torment...no qualifications...

I just feel....so continue to feel ..do not let anyone take that away from you....everything that you feel is part of your experience....you do have the strength to continue to determine how you want your life to be...

I have every faith in you @eudemonism

I have seen change in you from when we first communicated...

you are doing the hard work already...

research on here ...schizophrenia...reach out to others on here...they will be there for you...

I am still here.....

[eudemonism]

Hello and good morning @Former-Member I'm hearing ya.

The medication is keeping me stable but it ain't a good situation too be in. Lots of problems.

I've missed out on so much in life because of my illness. Anyway it's just how it goes.

I get really wound up when i think about the reasons behind why I'm condemned to this position. And get very agitated about all the stuff I'm going through which is working against me.

The addictions and self medication. The medication and side effects. My condition and the symptoms. It's a terrible fate too suffer from really.

So many times at night i have laid in bed and asked God how many more days i will be alive. And contemplated the essence of my life. Which is suffering. And attempts to rid myself of suffering.

I found some writing about schizophrenia in a book and i was amazed at how blunt and prude it was. Did not tell a good story.

Another day begins. And the story continues.

[eudemonism]

And @Former-Member only in the last few months. I had a 33 day break from alcohol. A 40 day break from pot. And a 20 day break from cigarettes. And a 3 or 4 day break from coffee. And omg! The changes i noticed were huge!

I was sleeping in more. And became very unmotivated. And started feeling very depressed.

But was more stable and accepting of things in general and took a conservative approach to life. I was yearning to keep in contact with people. But the changes i had made were effecting me.

I started contemplating what my few friendships were about. As i lost any incentive too maintain them. And they knew that there was no substance binding us together anymore.

[eudemonism]

I'm getting better @Former-Member it is the relapses that really get me down. Being snow under bye mental illness ain't the best feeling.

Went for a big walk to the end of the beech today and am feeling much more optimistic about future plans. Had a sandwich for lunch. And going to do some self care then visit a friend.

Helping people feels good. Would you agree? But firstly there needs to be something (a problem, a goal and active task (presented ) your helping them with. And when it is mental illness stuff. It is sll psychological. I suppose sometimes things can backfire? Need to be responsible.

[eudemonism]

What's missing from my life @Former-Member is a partner. Someone to live life with. Have you ever been single for an extended period of time? And how did it feel? What would you say the benefits of being in a long term relationship are? I've been single for the majority of my life. And I'm over it!

[Former-Member]

hello @eudemonism

In regard to those side effects when you made so many changes ...

pour bodies take time to adjust..

drugs..caffeine..nicotine can all have a huge impact on our minds...

it takes time for the body to level out..

very hard to do without assistance..support..

I will try to respond to your other comments in more detail tomorrow afternoon..

I must attempt to go to sleep...I have trouble sleeping

take care..

[eudemonism]

Yea ok @Former-Member are you travelling well at the present moment?