Coming to terms with reality

[Former-Member]

@eudemonism I'm sorry to hear you don't feel the world likes you. I'm imagaining you are giving it your all to fight your way through what is happening in your life. That takes strength, courage and determination to do, pretty amazing qualities.   

I'm going to send you an email, because I care and want to  🙂

[eudemonism]

I take note and admire. The strength from within. Tell tale signs suggest it is all true. Even if the world. Denies. That it is out to get you... i keep to myself and avoid what my mind tells me are blatantly bad things. And i give it all it wants. Because it is so demanding, unforgiving and relentless! I dare not tell the world what i really think. Because it would not understand. Nor would it really care. Nor would it be prepared too admit. That it is just as wrong as me. I will go about my days as i please. And avoid the scary system as best i can. And i will do only what i need too. And i will accept and realize that i have not one single friend. And this is the way it shall be for me. For all the rest of my days. And i shall not be the slightest bit worried or displeased. Because i have everything i need. And as for the others like me except who have a pack mentality. I feel and know that the toxicity. Will eventually get the better of them. And bye that time. My hands will be clean. And i will be redeemed. And happily laughing. Thanks for listening @eudemonism really appreciate your kindness, compassion, love, mercy and judgment once again. I'd be truly lost without you my friend. Always right on que when i need you.

It's ok audiendence 'it's all apart of the show. Need not worry or stress. Xx p.s. all has been a derivative of a man's experience of reality.

[eudemonism]

How enlightened you are acting today my dearest of friends. You make me so unafraid when you truly be yourself! Admittance of denial is such a priceless quality. But then you go one step further. To stand up for what you believe in. Even if it means coming up against reality itself! ~ needless to say about the enemies who are left speechless!

[eudemonism]

It will not really make a difference at the end of the day my friend so do not worry about what others say or do. They are all wicked.

[eudemonism]

What they have all done too you @eudemonism is an absolute atrocity! Everything that you are thinking is true. It is true for yourself. And too your mind. And feelings. And the actions it creates within you. And yes, there ain't much you can do about changing it. I know you are very annoyed, frustrated and irate about the situation you have found yourself in after thirty one years of life. And i know you pretty much think it is all a waste of time. You do your very best to get on with life and move forward. Only to stuck in the same predicament at the end of each day. Everyone you reach out too is right in their own eyes. And apparently knows what is best! But unfortunately no one can see th3 blatantly obvious like you do. The variety of mental health issues you are experiencing will probably never end. Even if you do everything they suggest you do. Alot of the time. I think you are better of acting dumb. And like you have no feelings. So they have nothing more to worry about. And just go about your life as if no one else were even there. It has been this way for along time. Not because of your own doing. But because of cold, malicious and self absorbed nature of the human race. All will be well my friend. It is not your fault society is making you a prisoner of psychiatry until the end. Take care xx

[Former-Member]

hello again @eudemonism @Former-Member

You have written responses at great length to talk about how you are feeling.

I have read that your have voices, or are they personalities talking to you. You seem to find some comfort in responding to them as well.

Do you find by writing down these different conversations, that you are more at rest within yourself?

Does it help you look at different aspects of how you are feeling at the moment?

My only concern is your last few comments:

"But because of cold, malicious and self absorbed nature of the human race. All will be well my friend. It is not your fault society is making you a prisoner of psychiatry until the end. Take care xx"

there is much wrong with the human race today, I agree, however when I am feeling very unwell I try very hard to focus on my environment, nature. I find that very soothing. I cannot fix the human race but I can live life according to my values and principles.

Psychiatry, just the word itself sounds intimidating. However I have been receiving treatment from this form of medicine for a long time on and off. The individual person providing the treatment is more important than the system itself. Very important to feel safe and able to trust for any type of treatment to work.

You are welcome to talk further on here of course. You might even want to tell me that I am wrong. I am not trying to diagnose you or tell you that I have the answers. I merely want you to know that you are safe writing here.

take care

[eudemonism]

@Former-Member @Former-Member & @Former-Member sorry about ignoring youz but i figure i already knew what either of you had to say. And that i would not really wanna know about the help or referrals you could offer. Examples. Counselling techniques. Coping strategies. See the gp. See the psychologist. Volunteer. Start an education course. Exercise. Eat healthy. Sleep well. Look for work. Find a job. Attend appointments with drug and alcohol counselors. Mental health nurses. Psychiatrists. Crisis lines. and so on... i am pretty much churned out bye all stuff and heard everything they got to say. And what it has come between me and them. Is me telling it how it is. Being myself and also being what they want and need me to be. Too make the relationship functional. It's a hard act to follow. When they really just there for themselves at the start and end of the day. (Just like i am ) And they really do sweet stuff all to fix the problems i am faced with. Apart from treat the generalized label i been assigned and give me basic and practical life advice and living skills.

Basically, i am the same person. With the same abilities and levels of competency as i was two days before this system engaged with my life. So it an ironic situation! Plus, in all honesty! The same contributing factors which allowed me to be diagnosed, categorized, labeled and administered medication after they caged me like an animal... so i am really no closer to solving the actual problems then they are. Because perhaps the problem is not me! But a lack of support and basic human needs! Which i have always unfortunately been unable to provide myself with. And am still unable to do so...

Can you imagine how frustrating this must be for me? I aint denying that i got problems and I'm disabled. I'm standing up against the nonsense i have had too go through. Go through. And will go through. Just to survive. Makes life really not worth living as far as I'm concerned. But I'm lucky enough to have a lot of quiet time in my warm bed to block out all the nonsense i been put through. Go through and will have to go through. Just To survive. And feel half decent about myself. And give myself a false sense of independence. And ability to look after myself. And create a "quality if life "

There only so good a best case scenario can be. Before i realize i am clinically mentally ill. From outside causes that i am not in control of. And cannot really change how they effect me either. So i am hoping it is all making perfect sense... and also consider that medicatio side effects make it pretty god dam difficult.

Thats what i thinks about that.

[Former-Member]

@eudemonism

thank you for replying.

apart from obvious symptoms of mental illness there are many other emotions that go hand in hand.

you explained very well how frustrating the system is.

You sound very determined and I sincerely think that you are to be commended for that determination.

I hope that if writing on here helps in any way, that you will continue to do so.

I apologise if I have trampled all over your feelings in my previous response.

Keep on believing in yourself at the end of the day when we feel that this society is failing us if we can still believe in ourselves mental illness has not beaten us

[eudemonism]

I have coping strategies in place... i have things i like and enjoy to do... i have many goals i am desiring to achieve... i have good levels of competency when it comes to looking after myself... i have a handful of supports in place...

It's kind of like it has become methodical nightmare that i must endure through each day...

Each month i am crashing from withdrawal symptoms of the depot injection for about 4 days and it's taking me 3 days to get going again once the needle has been given to me. It's hard going. And when I'm running low and hanging for my next hit of medicine. Things get yucky.

A good day looks like. Sweep, vacuume, clean, tidy, organise, dishes, make bed, journal entry. Drive with dog. Walk along beech. Catch up with a friend or family member. Eat some nice food. Read. Meditate prayer. Garden.

It all depends on weather and if i have drank or used in past few days. Slept well or not. Symptoms status etcetera. Variations. The chaos theory.

I could be making and attending appointments with professional support. And trying harder. Listening to them, learning from them, getting opinions and advice with problems i am faced with. Expressing my symptoms. Thoughts. Feelings and actions to them.

Maybe even trying new medications. But quite my frame of mind is just. Phew! I'm tired. I had enough. I am churned out. There is no point. Don't wanna face the world. Couldn't be bothered. Etc. Etc. Etc.

My symptoms. Traits. Or patterns. Or routines. Are basically installed into my mind. Knee jerk reactions. And making the same old decisions.

[Former-Member]

Hello @eudemonism

I see that you are a very intelligent person with many interests. As you stated, you have strategies in place also. The fact that you have goals to is a credit to you.

I have goals and am struggling at the moment to get out of the house. I have resorted to isolating myself at times when life sucks.

You have a dog, animals are so much nicer than humans some of the time.

Humans do have a place in our lives also and this can be so hard to deal with at times.

I think that you are a brave person, battling with symptoms and dealing with side effects of depot injections each month, as you describe, can be so debilitating as I have read from other's experiences.

I cannot begin to understand how you get through your days.

I do know that you are a human being with determination, intelligence, compassion and love. You have contact with your family and friends at times. You have an animal whom you walk along the beach with.

I hope that in continuing to write on here you are helped through your pain and suffering in some way.

I understand why you  would feel so tired at the moment. Exhausted is possibly how you are feeling.

Rest and regain some of that strength you have. Recuperate. Even the strongest and mightiest of man, have a time when they need to slow down, stop and check all systems. Let someone whom you trust know that you are doing this as a safety net.

please keep on writing on here

I will try to respond when I am able.