Lived Experience Forum

[Bridgetjones]

Ive had social phobia of varying degrees over the yrs. It has affected my love life badly. Afraid of meeting men. Would love very much to have caring man to be with. Last bf was alcoholic gambling addict who had domestic violence background so we were very on and off for many yrs. just not right for each other really. unhealthy dysfunctional relationship dynamics that couldnt be solved. any tips would be welcomed. Hi to all. hope everyones having a nice day

[MattInOz]

I had social phobia really bad that almost caused me to drop out of uni. Got in the way of romantic relationships as I couldn't attend their family functions either. Medication helped in the short term, a mixture of anti anxiety meds, anti nausea tabs and beta blockers. For a longer term solution I did 15 sessions of CBT and occasionally see a hypnotherapist when I feel like I'm slipping again.

[Bridgetjones]

Hi @MattInOz for commenting on my post. I have done CBT treatment and am on med that helps with social phobia so have improved alot. Guess one problem is the men I end up getting involved with arent in a position to have the type of relationship I want as they are actively involved in addictions or so damaged from coming from a family violence background have no idea how to have a respectful relationship as they have never seen one. Think I have to embrace being single and view it as a good thing. Sometimes I think people think there is something wrong if one is still unmarried in 40's, Im 44

[Former-Member]

Hi @Bridgetjones. I joined on here a couple of weeks ago. Had a break from here this week, not coping the best. I understand about social anxiety. Keen for a chat anythime.
Might head out for a walk now. Back on later though. 😀

[Bridgetjones]

Hi @Former-Member, thanks for your offer to chat any time. I appreciate it. 🙂

[Former-Member]

Sorry @Bridgetjones  I missed your message.  I don't receive notifications, just have to keep an eye out.

How's your day been?  

I've been home alot lately, only venturing out when I have to.  Sometimes anxiety is so bad that I don't like driving much at all.  Because I have a daughter, I need to drive her to school and out and about.  If I didn't have her I probably wouldn't get out much at all, so I'm grateful for her in many ways.

Many years ago I had agoraphobia quite bad, but I have improved alot.

Medications don't agree with me, which makes life difficult, with socializing.  I do have emergency medication, which I take when I need to. (for anxiety).  But anti depressants etcetera make me feel worse.

Are you able to get out much lately?  That's great that you have grandchildren, I look forward to being a nanna.  I hope I remember your story, you're a single mum with grandchildren, is that correct?

I was keeping an eye out for your reply, not sure why I missed it.  Will keep a better look out.

[Former-Member]

@Bridgetjones  Is this your name, because of the movie, Bridget Jones Diaries?  

I used the name Bridget, from that movie.  2 of my favourite movies.  Looking forward to the 3rd one, which apparently comes out soon.  She's so funny.  

[Bridgetjones]

Hi @Former-Member, thanks for your messages. Nice to hear from. I have days when I go out and others when I stay at home. Go to a womens group every fortnight which is good as its for women with MI. Good on you for overcoming your agrophobia. Do you mind me asking your age? I am a single mum. My daughter is 23 my grandchildren are 3 and 6.
Did choose my name because I love the Bridget Jones movies. Am looking forward to seeing the new one.
Hope you are having a good day.
Bridgetjones

[Former-Member]

Hi @Bridgetjones

Dont worry what people think - just be you. That's the core of social anxiety - lack of self confidence and not recognising ones good qualities, or working on them for self confidence and inner strength.

Another person/partner isn't going to bring us happiness if we aren't reasonably happy within. Find you first and learn to like her feeling content first. And then others can share this gift of you and share the happiness and be good company. We don't need a partner to be whole and many are single in their 40s, 50s, 60s and so forth. It's nice to have someone to share life with - but we need to be ready for it first. And they need to be right for us or it will only cause grief (as you have discovered). We are better off alone than being with the wrong people.

See your good points and work on them. Start believing in you. Meds aren't going to cure or help social anxiety (which we all had at some stage) - building up ourselves from within, our confidence and self esteem will. Nurturing the relations with people we do have in our lives now.

Don't take what others think as gospel - who are they to judge? In reality we are our own harshest judges - most  people can accept us if we accept ourselves and be natural. If we have flaws (and we all do) work on them and feel good about yourself for trying.  

If people disrespect you - walk away and hold your head up high.

Socialise in circles that's does not encourage addiction/gambling etc - but healthy activities ( bush walking, art groups, academic/interest studies, church groups if so inclined, or mediation groups and the like). Step out of your comfort zone - what have you to loose?

If some don't embrace us or reject us - just means they are not right for us. We're not meant to be or not compatible. There will be those out there who are and they are all that matters. Don't sweat over the rest.

When I use to be anxious in social situations it would make me feel more relaxed if I knew I had a "quick get away" (I.e. if I was at a social dinner event I would have a excuse ready and a car/transport/lift handy if it didn't go so well). So if we feel nervous about going to events or joining in some social situations - have a plan that will make the attempts of doing such, rising your confidence, easier!

Just be you my friend, don't listen to the negative self talk but challenge it - we are all unique and special in our own way. It's just believing it - in ourselves. As those who mind don't matter and those who matter won't mind - be you.

[Former-Member]