Lived Experience Forum

[HelloBPD]

Hi.
I've just come out of a psych unit with my baby, we were in there for 8 weeks due to PND and I was also diagnosed with BPD.

We got home Friday, picked up Mr 5 from school and took him to the caravan where my parents are staying.
My mother, who doesn't understand my illness and never has, who I also have never had an emotional relationship with... Just doesn't seem to show any sort of care. My MIL would call/text me every day or call/text hubby asking him how I'm going.
She even visited me in hospital yet my family never came to visit and they're 5 minutes away.

My mum only seems to show interest in my 5 year old and nothing in my 6 month old. This is effecting me a lot.
She has more to do with my brother, his girlfriend and her child from a previous relationship.
I feel so sour towards mum. I dread being around her because she is so judgey and opinionated when I'm the opposite.


How do I go on? She effects me more than I like and has a lot to do with the reason I'm so emotional messed... trying not to blame her is hard 😩

[Former-Member]

I truly sympathise @HelloBPD as my mother was also uncaring. What helped me to cope was that I did have a wonderful mother-in-law that treated me like her own (she has since passed away and I miss her so). It's sounds like you have a good MIL too, perhaps getting closer to her and talking to her about it will help fill the void and the  pain your mother is inflicting. 

Congrats on the birth of your beautiful newborn 🤗

[Former-Member]

hi @HelloBPD

while im not a mother so i cant imagine what your feeling but i too have an unsupportive mother and im also a primary carer for my two younger sisters

my mother is fully aware of my mental health conditions but chooses to ignore them but i know that for some parents and from what ive learnt and been told is that if you havent experienced a mental illness yourself, you can never truley understand what that person is going through.

i can sympathise with you about being sour towards your parent and towards family as well. it must be a very hard situation to be in, esp with your kids involved as well.

maybe you could try writing a letter to your parents asking them everything you want to know if your not comfortable in asking them in person.

remember to do whats best for you as well, so try some some self care activites as well and being around the people your most comfortable and feel most supported with can help you through tough times too.

you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of your kids.

and BTW @HelloBPD you are definently not 'messed up' mental health is a very real thing to deal and learnt to cope with. so never feel your messed up ok?

sending my hugs to you

[NikNik]

Hi @HelloBPD

Our mothers are the people who are meant to give us a sense of safety and love - and there is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do, if you're not getting those needs met (even if you're an adult!).

Sadly, we see similar situations with many members, as @Former-Member & @Former-Member shared. @Beatrix73 talks about her expeirence over in this thread , and there are some great responses there too.

@Former-Member & @Former-Member have provided great insights and support - I hope you're feeling a little less alone through this.

How are you travelling now?

Nik