Lived Experience Forum

[eudemonism]

Yea there is a few interesting words with similar make up @utopia i am hearing ya with what you're saying about the system. I believe i am strongly effected bye other people's thoughts about myself. And after long enough. I just keep my distance from them. Instead of trying to change their prospective and attitude towards me. Because it is like they would have to swallow their pride to admit they no better or worse then me. And I'm just deserving of what they have and who they are in their own eyes.

If i be my true self around people in real life. Its all about me. Instead of trying to please them. And being face to face with their own egos that don't wanna loose a single ounce of self gratification. Because of all their hard work. One scenario is. It's ow so convenient that i visit people on a regular basis. But ow so inconvenient that they visit me.

So i begin feeling unwell with social anxiety. Depression. Sad. Psychosis. Whatever it is. And my knee jerk reaction is too visit someone. And essentially it means i am putting myself into someone else's kingdom. And receiving everything that comes with this. And i do indeed strongly resent this. And what it means to me is. I have nothing to offer anybody. So there's a list of professionals it happens with. And a list of family, friends and community supports. Then when it happens to me. I feel like I'm being used for something.

Just the way of theworldi suppose. And I'm going to have to make it work for me. Because there no other way from what i can tell. Does it make sense too you? And sound similar to your experiences?

[utopia]

@eudemonism. Some of what you say is true for me as well - especially when I'm 'sick'.
But when I'm 'well' I'm a bit of a strong character. So I'm happy to talk to people aboutmy MI eexperience. Happy to teach them. But if they are the type of people with closed minds and closed ears - then I don't bother with them. I don't waste my precious time (even if I have nothing else to do) .
I know there are sometimes roles that we play - at work - with certain family members, etc. But on the whole - I'm just me. I don't know how to be anything else. When I'm depressed - people know. When I'm excited - people know.
But it's my deeper feelings that some people can't see. My loneliness. My hunger for something better. Etc.
But to the Psychiatrist I'm simply a patient with Major Depression. To my gp - I'm the patient that uses up a lot of time - I'm the depressed patient. They each have a single idea of who I am. But that is not all that I am. Just as your MI is not all that you are.

[Sahara]

Hi @eudemonism and @utopia and all,

I myself have worked in both public and private hospitals for 20+ years and I know a little bit about how the professionals operate.  

Firstly, I want to give health care professionals their due- they do an extremely difficult and stressful job, often with limited resources.  I take my hat off to them. It is hard work.

Secondly- and this is not something the professionals talk about to patients- they have a lot of rules to conform to. It's not their job to give their personal opinion on who you are as a person and the personality traits that you might have that they find appealing or not-so-appealing, as a fellow human being. 

They have to maintain their distance. They have to attempt to help you with the symptoms you present with. Some of them may be extremely "kind" and other may be more abrupt and gruff. Even the kind ones have to operate within the rules, or they risk losing their careers and their livelihood. 

The professionals have to practice 'evidence based medicine'. This means they have to treat you with methods that have been proven statistically to work. (Whether these methods work for you personally is open to debate.)

When you walk in the door of a doctor's or therapist's office, you are basically getting the same service that every one of their hundreds of other patients is getting. You are not being treated any differently than they would treat anyone else. It isn't personal. It may certainly feel personal, but it isn't. 

I hope this helps!

[eudemonism]

@utopia @Sahara @Owlunar and @Neelix thanks for all your input. It all makes sense and fits very closely with a way i look at things.

Well perhaps the population could make their own rules and turn around and treat the system? Had to get that off my chest as its been there for a very long time. I'm hearing what you are all saying. And it blends nicely in with a philosophy i came up with years ago. Which i figured no one would care about. Because we ironically all live bye it too a degree.

Nothing will matter once it's all over and done with for every individual anyway. And the truth ain't nice for anyone really. So, it will neither be here nor there for anyone.

[eudemonism]

The same works in return

[utopia]

@eudemonism. I like to believe in a Utopian world existing somewhere on our planet. I have to keep putting my faith/ life in the hands of others (proffessionals) & hoping they do right by me. There must be some trust we place on others, for our society to function well.