No More

[Snowflake11]

Hello everyone, this is my first post and I'm so glad to have found this forum. Instantly I'm worrying about whether I'm writing the right thing :face_with_rolling_eyes: so borderline of me, but then I smiled to myself and thought finally I have found people who I don't have to prepare for my potential mess ups because you know how I feel!! My title No More is how I've been feeling over the last few days - I don't want to have BPD anymore!! How I wish it would take its complexities and f*k*off!!!!!  It's so exhausting. So my diagnosis is C-PTSD, BPD and substance abuse disorder. Well of course the last one is thrown in as I struggle with trying to feel better.... However I'm alcohol free by nearly 19mths yay me!! But I've turned to pills which is what led me to seek the right help this time.... Realising I can kick drinking but then insidiously pills became my new bff, I knew there was something aside from the ever present call of "addictive behaviour", to find out finally that what I've felt for so so long has a name. Relief. And now the work begins. I'm hoping to work out how to navigate this website so I can read your stories and be part of a group of people who actually do understand me. Being so alone is hard. Hugs x

[Gazza75]

Hi @Snowflake11 , welome to the forum and congrats on doing your first post. 🙂  Thanks for sharing your story with us.  Well done on going 19 months with no alcohol, that's really great. 

Have fun looking around the website.  One quick tip.  You can 'tag' people by pressing the @ sign and then picking or typing someones name in.  Hope you have a nice afternoon and weekend.  See you round 🙂

[Molliex]

Welcome @Snowflake11 thanks for sharing. You're definitely not alone, there are many of us going through so many things. I hope you find this group interesting and supportive. 

[CheerBear]

Hi @Snowflake11 and welcome. That was a great first post 😊

It's great that you found some relief in hearing that what you experience has a name. I've found it has had mixed feelings to hear 'diagnosis' kind of words to explain what goes wonky in my head. It definitely helps to have an idea of what kind of strategies work for what kinds of symptoms I experience though. Do you have any kind of support (family, friends, professionals etc) to support you through all of this?

There are so many people here who get how it feels. I find it super helpful to be here where people do understand me. How have you found navigating around? If you have any questions, please ask. There's always someone around who can help. It can be a bit tricky when you first join but keep posting if it's helpful for you. I think it's worth it 🙂

Looking forward to seeing you around.

[Snowflake11]

Hi @Gazza75! Thankyou for your encouragement! I'm feeling really vulnerable today so great to have some feedback and support. Cheers! ☺️

[Snowflake11]

Hi @Molliex, so good to hear what you've written. It's like a breath of fresh air to be here. Thank you 🙏🏼

[Snowflake11]

Hi @CheerBear!! Yeah I'm finding it a little tricky (be great if there was an app?) But I'm determined to get the hang of it as I desperately need the support of people who understand who I am.

Yes I have a couple of people I have shared my struggle with, and I'm kind of aware of how much it can be overwhelming for them (esp my 82yo Mum who is AMAZING) so I've sent the link for the carers part of the forums.

I understand how you feel about the big D word! A diagnosis can spin either way I'm sure. But it's been so enlightening for me... At least I know what the f@@k is wrong with me. I've been feeling different since I can remember. This disorder has robbed me of so many things I wanted in life, so working hard on recovery is now my prime focus. It's that or well we all know what could go wrong if we allow it to.

I will keep posting. Thank you so much for your msg. Means a lot! ☺️

[BlueBay]

Hi @Snowflake11  welcome 😊

I too have BPD depression anxiety and complex ptsd. 

I wish my BPD would disappear forever too. I hate who I’ve become. Struggle to control my high emotions. 

I use not taking my meds at times as a way of self sabotage. 

I use my excessive eating as a coping mechanism but my psych doctor and dietitian tell me it’s an addiction. I’m getting help for that at the moment. 

Good on you for being sober for 19 months. That’s so great. 

Hope to chat again. 😊

[BPDSurvivor]

It’s so great to be able to have a non-judgmental forum. Congratulations on being 19 months sober. What a strong inner strength you must have!

I used to spend a lot of time hating my BPD. I wanted a life without it. After many years of struggling, I’ve come to realise that although I did not choose to have BPD, it has chosen me, and hence I am what I am because of it - the good and the bad. Now I’ve learnt to accept it, and learning ways to deal with impulses, addictions, emotional turmoil, etc. so that it does not destroy me. It is a long, arduous journey, but one worth taking. 

Good of luck for your continuing journey!

[Snowflake11]

Hey @BlueBay....that sucks for you... But man I totally get it. I am having a full on borderline day today, head crammed with a gazillion racing thoughts none of them helpful. It's fkn EXHAUSTING. We have been blessed :face_with_rolling_eyes::face_with_rolling_eyes::face_with_rolling_eyes::face_with_rolling_eyes::face_with_rolling_eyes: with a real tough one. Sending you hugs xx