Lived Experience Forum

[Patriot3734]

G'day

This will likely sound stupid, but I don't know how to ask for help, and for the most part, when help is offered, how to accept it.

I am 46 years old, and have suffered with bipolar depression since 4 years old. My first suicide attempt was at age 4. For the past few years I have been on medication which helps somewhat with the bipolar, PTSD, OCD, asperger and borderline personality disorder.

I am really struggling at the moment, and although I find it easy to help others, I struggle to ask for help myself.

My wife left me and took my 4 kids, and I only ever get to see my son, the youngest. I miss my family heaps and have tried to open communication channels with the other three with no success. 

I find myself at one of the lowest points of my life, and feel like I have no real contribution to make in life, and that oxygen is wasted on me. I still have another week till my next psychiatrist appointment, and no doubt he will change my meds yet again.

I dont sleep well, even on my cpap machine, so undoubtedly this is having a negative effect on me. I just have no idea what to do.

Does anyone have any ideas?

[utopia]

Hi @Patriot3734. I'm glad you were able to reach out and ask for help here.
You have a lot going on all at once & that must be painful and confusing.
It's hard when you have to wait for a week until you see your psychiatrist. I wonder if you could call him tomorrow and see if he could fit you in earlier.
Do you have a psychologist that you also see? Your gp can make a referral to one for you.
I'm concerned about your suicidal thoughts. Please don't ignore these.
Phone Life Line or Beyond Blue. They will be able to help until your appointment next week.
You will find others on this site that have the same diagnosis as you & will be able to offer lots of insights that should help.
Again well done for reaching out

[HellonWheels]

Hi
You could have a checkup on your Cpap pressure I also have a Cpap and just got the pressure increases
Looking at other meds for sleep can help maybe another sleep study?
It's great you posted!

[Patriot3734]

I do see a psychologist and get some help there. She says I have "sophisticated " thought processes. I have had suicidal thoughts for most of my life, but only 4 attempts, the first at age 4.

I might try getting in to see my psychiatrist early, although it will likely end in more blood tests, ecg, and new medications. I phoned the suicide helpline a few years back and spoke with them for around 45mins. By the time I got off the phone I felt completely drained. Notlong after that I went into a psychiatric hospital where I stayed for 6 weeks. I guess things sort of played out ok, since I am still here. I will see what I can do about bringing my psychiatrist appointment forward.

Thanks for listening

[utopia]

@Patriot3734. Do you think you may benefit from a stay in hospital, where your meds can be monitored / changed & you can rest and be looked after for a while?