Lived Experience Forum

[Bec1985]

hello all this is my first post and I'm hoping to be able to share my story and gain some friendships and support I also am a great listener and very kind hearted and am happy to be a support to others.I dont really know where to start I guess the basics would be good I'm 30 have 4 children two of those children have special needs my kids ages are 3 boys 9,7,3 and then a little girl who's 2 I also live in the birth of Melbourne I am partnered but having relationship issues 12 years and kids takes it toll. I am unmedicated but do not have a very supportive medical team I suffer bad anxiety and I'm sure I have depression but I'm scared I will lose my kids if I expose the extent of my frustrations. I am constantly sad I cry most days and find myself getting overwhelmed a lot of my issues are related to exhaustion and tiredness I suffer headaches daily wake with them and go to sleep with them my neck and back is Constantly sore and I lack energy I'm so tired. I do not have family my dad passed and he was my only support my partners mum is involved but is aged and has MS. I get respite care once a month but only for my two youngest I can't find respite for my eldest boys.its hard to admit you are not coping and I do generally pretty good Comsidersing I am a pretty self resilient woman and always take pride in my appearance and home I'm very ocd so a lot of my tiredness comes down to I do to much I stress over mess ect....

my relationship has been hard after my partner chose to constantly relapse on drugs and cheat and simply not come home after rehab and kicking him out now things are on track and he's clean and on a program but he still lacks motivation and is generally lazy and doesn't help with the kids much but he's 80 percent a better father but we still need work I am a non drug user which is uncommon in relationships when one is a addict.nthe last 5 years has been solely focus d on his recovery and his needs he still has bad days and will be sleepy all day and will rest which in turn frustrates me as I'm to tire. Sometimes I just think what about me don't I matter and I can't find appropriate support I lost a lot of friends due to al, the issues with my partner Nd have no one really to talk to.i guess I have got to that point where I am wondering who i am it's always been about the kids and him and I don't even know what I like anymore. I want to get out and build friendships I want a career away from kids even just for a few days a week I had kids young so I feel as if I've wasted my life and have no secure future.im scared and terrified I am so angry at his my life is and that I have no direction nor know where I am going or being the person I want to be.im Ci Stanton yelling breaking down and feeling helpless it's so hard to get out and confront t the world when you are already shy and self conscious I don't know where to start nor know what I want I'm so sad 😞

[Rockpool]

Hi @Bec1985,

A very warm welcome to the SANE Forums!

Thank you for sharing your story with us all.

I'm sorry to hear that things have been overwhelming for you and you are unsure of where to start. You have alot going at at home with four children and a partner who is struggling with his own issues. I would imagine that this would leave you with not much time for yourself and feeling pretty exhausted! Do you have any professionals helping to support you?

I'm glad that you've found the forums and can take some time out of your day for you to recieve support from others here because you are important too!

Looking forward to 'seeing; you around the forums

Rockpool

[Former-Member]

Hi @Bec1985

I'm very glad that you've shared your story here, and a big welcome!

I'm 31 and have two kids, a girl whos 6 and boy who's 4. My lil guy is very busy and we're currently going through referrals for some behvariour and milestones problems :(... its not a huge shock but devastating. I'm a single mum and have had a rough time of it lately and also have no family supports or respite options... so hearing you on how tired you are!!

The challenges you've faced (and won!!) with your partner sound so difficult but defitnitlely show what an amazing strong woman you are to have been able to persevere and get things on track. Its not unusual to need a break after such a long time of caring for your children and partner to need a break yourself! Just really hard to get one! Would it be a possibility that the dad look after the youngest two for a couple of hours each week on a weekday mornig for you so that you could have a regular time to look forward to each week when you could just get a cuppa (or sleep!) or go to a group?

I was also thinking, i'm lucky i have a really nice GP who is happy to just listen and support and offer advice when i need him. If you're not happy with your mental health team, change them. If youre in Melbourne there are probably lots of places to try (im in regional SA so not sure on whats over there sorry!). I was also seeing an awesome psychologist that has helped me so much and it was free for the first 10 visits after i got a mental helath plan from my GP, maybe that would be helpful for you too? But you dont have to do anything either! Glad you've found us here, and hope that you find some support and friedship here as I have,

LJ

[Bec1985]

Hello!
Thank you for the replies it's been really good to read your responses. Yes my partner has no choice other than to look after the kids he does encourage me however I don't have the motivation and am nervous on what to do with my time and have noon really that would like to come. I too am going thru the diagnosis stage with my kids as well my 7 year old is ADHD conduct disorder and my 3 year old is non verbal I'm currently trying to find a new pead and trying to get my son thru early intervention I'm actually very busy with all that and very overwhelmed whilst neglecting my own health plus trying to juggle all the expenses with my Sons schooling and therapies it's a really difficult time.i do not have a psych or a counsellor and I should do that it's just finding the motivation.

[Bec1985]

Has anyone had any dealings with Mind Australia?

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Bec1985

Welcome to the Forums! It's nice to meet you.

Sounds like you are super busy caring for your family and you. That's a big load. It's not wonder you're feeling tired! What sort of things have you done to manage to say afloat this long? I ask this because it shows so much resilience.

@Former-Member suggested some wonderful ideas - taking a break, even if it's only 15 - 30 mins to have a cuppa. Sometimes planning 'relaxation' can also be stressful, so sometimes giving yourself permission to lay low (e.g., have a cat nap, watch your favourite t.v. show, sit in the sun for 15 mins) can help.

You asked if anyone had any experiences with MIND. I thought I'd point out that we have a couple of moderators , @-karma- and @Babooon here that work for MIND. They could potentially help you out with any service related questions if that's what you're after?

Again, welcome to the Forums! I hope to see more of you around here. BTW, what are you up to on Friday? Want to come to our online dinne - the Friday Feast?

CB

[Bec1985]

CB your comments made my eyes super watery thank you I have no idea I really don't I just somehow get thru I had a pretty terrible upbringing a lot of terrible terrifying experiences so somehow I think this contributes as it makes me push along wanting so much better for my own children. I would hate for my kids to feel what I feel and what I have felt daily since being a kid I would hate to sit beside there side at age 16 whilst there on life support from attempting to take there lives I couldn't cope so I push to not have them be like myself! In other words my kids are my cure they are my reason to wake and breathe. Yes I'm interested in mind I was engaged but two weeks after engaging my worker quit her job and I was never reengaged

[Bec1985]

And dinner yes please who doesn't enjoy good food and good company

[CherryBomb]

Yay @Bec1985, looking forward to seeing at dinner! Feel free to bring a virtual food of plate.

It's amazing to hear your story - you've found so much strength and motivation in dark times. If you ever doubt that you can't pull through, remember to look at what you've gotten through already.

Pity to hear about your worker, but I'm glad to hear that you're wanting link in with support again. Could you get in contact MIND and request another worker? @Baboo or @-karma- will not be on here until Monday and Tuesday next week so if you have questions for them, feel free to '@' mention them in post.

[Former-Member]

Hi,

I was thinking that there may be a parents group for parents of children with special needs, i know there was one in my old town (which was a small place!!) that i heard of through school. Sometimes places like child and youth health centres have information about things like that? Might be a way to meet new people with similar stuff... and I was just thinking there may be something here like that that I could do as well possibly... It is incredibly busy when you're following up on so much for kids. My lil guy was really quite ill last year, we spent lots of time in and out of hospital and then appointments, his physical health has been better this year since surgery in January but he's struggling in lots of ways... its really hard. The day to day stuff is exhausting but emotionally its also really draining and difficult to see him having these issues. But he is hilarious and cheeky and i love him so much!

I can imagine your 3 year old must get frustrated with not being able to express herself. Must be really difficult for you all.

I saw a thing for family support from MIND but never followed up on that either but i do have a mental health support person who comes and visits each week for a catch up/help with the house work or what ever i need really. So I'm pretty lucky already!

LJ