Lived Experience Forum

[Appleblossom]

Feeling very agitated about 2 relationships in my life.  I always start out optimistic but things backfire and somehow I feel very unworthy of any relationship.

[Former-Member]

You are so worthy of a relationship @Appleblossom, more than so many. You have so much compassion and insight into relationships for others I'm sure it's just you holding you back. I'm not really with the program now but please believe your worthy. I believe it💜😊

[Appleblossom]

Thanks @Former-MemberThanks for quick reply ... I am really not used to that.

now I feel all choked ... was playing piano quietly to try and relax ...

[Appleblossom]

I have become very anxious i even told him on Wednesday .. but I also said I was committed to doing the right thing for him .. and that I wouldnt rock the boat ...

They went out today and I cooked the meal tonight ... nice and vegan

[Former-Member]

Found you @Appleblossom,
You know, relationships are the hardest thing in life for me. When they're too close i freak out, when they fall apart I'm mortified. The Happy in between is somehow lost. It's easy to stop trying. Not sure if these are romantic attachments but friendships can hurt as bad.

I can relate to playing piano to calm a little, emotional expression; but i have to play by ear / memory to benefit emotionally. Do you have a piece you like to play when like this? I do.

[Faith-and-Hope]

I'm here too @Appleblossom.

That really sucks ..... !!

I have an emotionally treacherous in-law family, my MIL in particular can turn, and she messes with my kids too ... we generally have that understanding about her and have chosen to live with the occasional stings .... and sometimes they're a real doozie ....

Can you see ways to step back from these women, and progressively reduce their influence in your life ?

[Former-Member]

Sounds tricky with the son's girlfriend. Definitely not you, she sounds very immature!!!

[Appleblossom]

Mostly I play from music .. I was playing some bach ... which I am trying to memorise ... then I played through a poppy easy play book ... California dreaming ...bridge over trouble .. water fiddler on the roof etc

I have to actually stop my behaviour .... being too nice ... dont want to rock their boat either

I am taking meds for other people ... again

[Former-Member]

@Appleblossom I can relate to some of what you say too, this week I've experienced a bit like you but not the bit about your ex. I think you are right and she is projecting the negative stuff from her mum. Do you think your son sees and feels this?

[Kurra]

Hi @Appleblossom

I find playing something like the Waldstein helps a lot with the type of emotions you're experiencing. This type of music seems to calm the agitation and anger better than the quiet calming music does.
Hugs 💕