Lived Experience Forum

[Robati]

It's the 3rd day since my defacto left the country with our kids ages 3/5/7 , with me getting to see them or say goodbye , nothing hurts more than coming home after work to an empty home ! Usually my 5 yr boy would greet me when I come thru the garage but now there's no one . There toys an rooms are as they left them pretty much left all there stuff jus clothes they hav taken most of it !as much as you can try to block things out or breathe or think positive you still have those what if moments , they are not good . Hav no choice but to move on , wish I could fast forward time jus so I will hopefully be over this , I hav kept away from alcohol jus to be mentally strong not to tex or ring my defacto overseas as all I would be doing would be begging an I don't want to be doing that again . She repeatedly tells me to let her go an she doesn't love me the same anymore , but we hav 2 boys 2girls together oldest being 12yrs but she has been overseas staying with my defactos mum. We hav broken up so many times an has to me to jus fix myself , as I hav too much hate in me towards her family , but we always get back together. Not been able to see my kids is the hardest . I am even gonna try an attempt to not contact them for 1year . Jus so they know the pain an she will realise her kids deserve to see or even be with there Dad . Well it makes me feel better writing all this for people to read not sure why but it helps , I know there are people struggling in worse situations than mine . So I hope everyone else is coping ok , cheers for reading .

[Robati]

Oops I meant without me seeing the kids or saying goodbye before they left .

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Robati Do what you need to do to keep body mind and spirit together. 

Predictive text can change the meaning of lots of small words .. 

Yes children do need their father.

maybe remember the children's birthdays ..

Take care of you for a while 

[Robati]

Hi @Appleblossom thanks for your comment I didn't quite understand the part which said predictive text? Yes I understand that they are young but I really feel like that taking them away from me an starting life again overseas with her family around only benefits them , all she says is you wil be ok . Well I'm jus gonna keep busy with work an plan a holiday to Bali or else where to open up my mind , as I hav only ever considered them in everything I hav previously done over the years . Time will tell I guess ? Cheers

[Chris]

My son is going through mediation at the moment so he can see girls aged seven and five. It is gut wrenching to see what he is going through. She is making it as difficult as possible. I cant begin to imagine how awful this is for you with your ex taking the children overseas. Children need two parents, and you have every right to have contact with them on a regular basis. As hard as it it could you arrange skype time with them? Can you write to the? Surely she cant deny you that. It's not like you are a threat to them. They need to know there dad loves them and care about them.

I know this will be very emotional for you. You need to get support through this whether thats a friend or and a professional. Im thinking of you.

[Chris]

I forgot to congratulate you on staying away from alcohol.  You are showing a great deal of inner strength. 

[Robati]

@Chris thanks so much for your positive comments , no they don't hav internet an at this time I'm not replying to her tex msgs , as she has jus texted me 10mins ago saying hi hope your ok ! I'm jus feeling abit bitter as its too late , an I know my kids would be asking where I am an when will they see me again ? Hence why I'm not touching the alcohol or I would be replying her msgs .the shock I still feel is unreal it's like I'm better off thinking it was all a dream an I don't hav kids at all . I really hope things work out for your son as I feel like they are jus trying to punish us , but they use the most important thing to any parents heart there children . I really appreciate you taking the time to read my story an commenting . Again I feel for your son an his two daughters , thanks.

[AlgebraicFury]

@Robati. I'm so sorry that your children have been taken away from you. You must feel so lost. I'm sure your children would be feeling similarly.

A few years ago I experienced a somewhat similar situation with my de facto partner and baby boy, though not as extreme as they didn't go overseas. At the time I was very unwell with undiagnosed type 2 bipolar disorder, and mixed episodes were making me a bit scary. I came home one day to find that my partner and baby boy were gone. My whole world fell apart at that point. All I wanted was my baby boy back. I loved him more than anything else. Somehow I survived, and soon after I was able to see my baby boy again as long as I sought medical help for my mental health issue.

I know your story is quite different, however I think I can understand how you may be feeling. Given the ages of your children, I'm sure that they would also be missing you terribly and will want to be in contact very soon. You will see your kids again. I think your priorities at the moment are to look after yourself and try to avoid being consumed by negative thoughts. I would recommend talking to someone such as a GP about your situation and how you are feeling. If you don't think this is required at the moment, then please don't hesitate to talk to someone when it is required.

Take care, AF

[Robati]

@AlgebraicFury thanks for your comments , yes I will see a GP this Monday if I can , it is a pretty hard position to be in , an I understand why you hav said to avoid negative thoughts as it does zap the body of energy , I think I'm doing ok for now although I try to breathe an continually encourage myself to move on , I'm lucky I hav a good job an we are currently busy so it keeps me out of the house .although I'm trying to live in denial I will admit I still love my ex partner an do love an miss the kids a great deal . But now I've decided to move ahead without them . Reading your story I'm happy to hear that you seeked an got help , nothing is worse than having an outburst then not believing that you jus did that ! Well that's how I'm feeling now , my ex has been texting me daily so far asking if I'm ok an hoping I'm getting da help I need for anger an hatred I'm not replying to anything anymore an hope she stops texting me soon .shes asking me for money for kids school fees (overseas ) ! An I can't believe she's asking me when I jus paid there school fees (Australia) an bought new uniforms because they started in new school closer to our home .its the first time they hav left an will no longer be getting financial support from me . I hope these feeling I got will change in time . Again thanks for your comment , take care kind regards Ron.

[Robati]

1week since my world came crumbling down ! Sunday's are the worst cause it's my day off an it's nothing but emptiness in this house . Places I wanna go are jus a reminder of the family I jus lost . Shopping centres where you see Familys with there children does me no good , I guess I will hav to go anyway an face the reality of being alone . I now understand that yes I will continue to hav these low feeling down moments on a regular basis till it fades away . Thinking about the past an future can be painful although I'm trying to stay positive , but it does creep up on you . Reading other people's stories on this forum is good , it really has helped me an I do turn to this forum now as a way to clear my mind an get some kind of comfort . I hope everyone out there has a good day , will be in touch .