28-09-2015 06:14 PM
First let me thank 'CherryBomb' for welcoming me a couple of weeks ago, first time poster hoping to get some care from this community
I'm a 51yr old male caring for my 47yr old wife/friend/love o' life who suffers from clinical depression, high anxiety and has recently been diagnosed as having Bipolar (I don't like the labels but I suppose someone's gotta put these people in pigeonholes )
When my wife's support team told me I was her carer it took me some time to get my head around the terminology, after all, she's my wife, I'm her husband NOT a carer! Now I have accepted that I am both a husband and a carer and at this very moment I wished that I could drop the carer bit and continue as her husband but alas that's not the case.
The last almost three years have been a real test of my determination to continue to love her as I had in the past, it hasn't been easy but thank God I'm still committed to our relationship. 2013 was our annus horribillis, four months of hospitalisation and several attempts to 'end it all', some ECT treatments and copious amounts of medication changes ... and to this day there's still NO light at the end of this proverbial tunnel, not even a damned train!
I'm tired almost to the point of exhaustion and I don't mind admitting that Friday, 10 days ago, I didn't see much point in living past that day ... I'm glad I did though but it showed me that I too needed some 'care'. So here I am, can SANE Australia dirve me INSANE or perhaps keep me SANE ... dunno, I guess I'll find out soon enoough.
28-09-2015 10:18 PM
It really tests us as people when people we love go through such suffering. Hope the forums can offer some respite.
29-09-2015 05:46 PM
Welcome to the Forums @urib and thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you and your wife have been on a bit of a rollercoaster. I’m glad you made it through the point of exhaustion and have made the decision to care for yourself and have reached out to others through this Forum. Well done! I think you'll find it's a great place to connect with others on a similar journey.
I know you’re not the only one to struggle with the term “carer”. You might like to have a read of this discussion on that exact topic. It’s an old one but an interesting one. You might also be interested in this thread about self-care and this one about diagnosis, if you haven't already come across them. Feel free to add your own thoughts too :-)
There are a lot of members on this Forum who are both carers and husbands/wives/partners/friends. I’m sure @Shaz51, @Lamington, @wondermore, @Lucky2015 and @Lavender can all relate to what you’re experiencing.
I also want to remind you that if you’re ever feeling like you did this past Friday, there is immediate support available. Lifeline, Mensline and the Suicide Callback Service can all lend an ear.
And sorry if I’m repeating what you already know, but there is also free counselling for carers available through Carers Australia which you might like to take advantage of.
Welcome once again @urib. I look forward to more posts from you.
29-09-2015 06:24 PM
Welcome to the forums. I first reached out for help on another forum a couple of years ago and I know it was a big step for me to say I am tired of trying to be the strong one. One of the big things for me was dealing with the grief. There has been a lot to grieve for. Anyway I read somewhere the other day that grief is the price we pay for love.
I hope you do keep getting some support and find a way to be more hopeful.
29-09-2015 08:05 PM
Hi urib , welcome to the forum , I am not a (carer ) as such but I am a very concerned wife who has just joined the Sane Forum , my Husband was in hospital 6 weeks for a week , we have our own business but my husband has clinical Depression and everyday is so uncertain , just like Carer101 said I am tired of trying to be the strong one , but with support of each other we can get through this together ,I am 51 and my husband is 55 , some days I just don`t know what to do , but I love my husband sooo much that I am going to stand by him , remember we are all here for you
29-09-2015 11:44 PM
I can so relate to your feeling about the carer role. My husband was diagnosed at 52 , 4 years ago with early onset vascular dementia. I strugeeled a long time to come to terms with this carer role and that things will never be as they used to be. I still have days when I feel sad and days I feel incredibly frustrated but most days I try to count my blessings and there are many. Two healthy teenage kids (who at times also drive me crazy) a roof over our head a new job I like and heaps more. I hope that you find strength in this forum. I would like to share a little poem hope it will help
Life runs in cycles
The wheel never stops turning
No matter how dark the night
Morning comes, no matter how cold the winter, spring comes
When you feel despair know that the wheel is turning
Joy will come
take care Lavender
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