Lived Experience Forum

[Dino14]

Hey @Former-Member 

I thanked you for your time because I wasn't the easiest deal with a couple of days ago.  Emotions were up and down and still are a bit but leveling out.  And just to answer a few questions, no I'm not an attractive fellow.  I hold my age well from what strangers say when I tell them how old I am but I can't see anything attractive about me.  Part of that is that I'm still fitter than most men I know over 40.  My job involves a lot of walking and fire fighting can be extremely demanding when the heat is on.  Pun intended.  No callout for that today so just need to get through tomorrow.  For now.  I think why I attract lovely women is simply that I am totally honest, straight forward and great fun to be around.....until love creeps in.

PTSD is somewhat familiar to me to due to the fact that I arrived at the accident scene where my father died at the same time as the ambulance.  I saw something that will never leave me.  Even though I didn't have a lot of time for him I was only 20 and had no idea that I had any mental problems at that time and it did affect me.  I had some help a few years back with therapy and they suggested that I may have had PTSD.  I did try to get a GP to help me as a result of that therapy but my GP at the time didn't think I had any problems as he had known me for a few years and didn't know what I was hiding, what I was too ashamed too discuss with people I knew.  I am OK sharing now with people I know but only if they ask because most don't understand.

I don't really follow the BBL closely.  I do watch it if I'm home but don't support a team.  Test cricket is my love.  Went to the Boxing Day Test around 1989-90.  Australia v West Indies.  It was over in 3 days but well worth the trip.  Don't really follow Tennis or Golf.  AFL and Cricket were the sports I played when young enough so they are my interests.  Cricket started for me at around 14 and I retired at 35.  Football was a different story. 40 seasons from ages 7 to 46.  One thing my father did give me was natural ability.  I never had to work too hard at either sport but wasn't that interested in playing at higher levels.  I just enjoyed the "love" I got around the club.  Everyone loves a winner.

And yes music is my passion.  Can't sing or master any instrument, just a listener.  Just checked my collection.  62 Roy Orbison songs plus the Travelling Wilbury's albums so he isn't a favourite but he's good.   Steve Earle would be my favourite (264 songs in collection).  John Fogerty/Creedence are up there with of course Elvis, Dylan and Jim Croce would round out my top 5.  Justin Townes Earle who is Steve's sun is moving up the list with a bullet too.  My favourite song of all time would be "It's All Up to You" by Steve Earle.  It send a great message that still helps me when I'm really down.

So in closing sleep eludes me most nights too.  I purchased a Fitbit to prove to a friend how many km's I walk in a day.  It tells me I average around 5 hours a night.  I think it exaggerates.

Anyway I won't thank you again because I'm not allowed.  So I'll just say I appreciate your time and I might chat again, probably when the emotionally rollercoaster arrives once more.

Bye for now.

[Former-Member]

All good @Dino14  

I know its very frustrating trying to negotiate something new (forums). Definitely room for improvement there. But with perceverence, we get there in the end.

Dinner preps here. 

Anytime, just post. Entirely up to you though. Definitely no pressure. Take from the forums what you need. Perhaps in time, you may want to give more back. Actually you have probably already helped other readers. Lots post here, but many more read only.

Catch you another time. Seems you have poss complication of ptsd. We can talk more on that next time if you wish.

Sherry

[Shaz51]

hello @Dino14 , how are you going , thinking of you and saying that i am thinking of you

@Former-Member, @BryanaCamp , @BlueBay 

[Dino14]

Hello @Shaz51 

How am I going?  Great yesterday, not so great this morning, but better as the day goes on.  So up and down as has become the norm over the last couple of weeks.  Not much I can do about that at this point.  Just need to get through to my GP appointment and see where I go from there.

Thanks.

[Former-Member]

Good morning @Dino14 , nice to hear from you again today.  

Really pleased to hear you had a good day yesterday, tempered somewhat by a not so good day today.  This MH stuff really is a roller coaster ride!  Yes its true that there is not a lot you can do right now, as you await a consult with your GP.  But you have made the difficult step of making an appointment, and for many .. thats the hardest part.  To acknowledge that a problem exists and that help is needed.  Thankfully there is help out there, and one hopes that your GP will assist in putting you on the right path. Can I suggest that you start to keep a few notes prior to your appointment?  Make notes of how your MH issues affect you, your life, your work, your personal relationships, etc. And be as honest as you can with your GP about how you feel about all this.

Its a cooler day here today, and we have even had a tiny bit of light drizzly rain, for which I'm thankful.  Just enough to wet the deck.  I was in town at the gym this morning, and I even had to use my car windscreen wipers for a moment or two.  Yay!  I have started to make a major effort to get to the gym a couple of times a week.  Its hard due to having to fit in between medical appointments and hubbys many needs, and moods.  But its important for me to get out occasionally to interact with the general population, as well as exercise being good for our MH of course.  I'm a little bit on the thin side, so weight isnt an issue for me.  But I think my fitness has suffered over the past 2 years since hubby got so ill and I had to spend what seemed like half a lifetime in hospitals.  So I went to a group class today, which was aerobics related, plus some gym work. Later in the week I will do an individual gym workout which was devised for me between my physio and a gym trainer.  So if I can stick to that, I will gradually improve my overall fitness and aerobic capacity.  And it pleases my psychologist as well. From what you have said, you are a very fit man, both from work and sport.  Do you go to a gym at all?  I have never been a gym person, but I need the motivation because I cant seem to do it on my own.  Do you go for runs or something to maintain good overall fitness?

I was thinking about your mention of the possibility of you having PTSD.  I will say that PTSD can be caused by any number of traumatic incidents.  And it does not always come to the fore until years later.  You may like to mention what happened with your Dad, to your GP when you are discussing your history with MH.

How is Kylie going post her health scare?  Do you have plans for Christmas day?  

Sherry 

[Dino14]

Hey @Former-Member 

Yeah I had a good day yesterday.  I spoke to Kylie in the morning and she was so sweet and said she misses me.  One thing I probably didn't tell you before is that it is a 2 hour drive from mine to hers.  She said the distance was definitely a factor in what happenend to our relationship as was the pressures and stresses of her job.  She is saying it wasn't just me.  So that lifted me yesterday but I guess I thought about it when laying awake last night and realised that if my mental state is not the only reason for our parting, it also means that getting back together is even further away.  But I won't give up.  I can't.

And yes I had already started taking notes for the GP as 6 years ago I couldn't explain on the day that I went to the GP because I was having a really "up" day after counselling and appeared normal I guess.  He told me I was fine and I believed him.  Everything was fine too.............until I fell in love with Kylie.

And on the fitness thing, no I don't go to the Gym.  Never seen the need.  I can't run anymore as I have damged both knees due to so much football through my life.  It is something I can live with and running is the only thing that hurts.  So walking is my thing and I stretch and do pushups, situps, weight repetitions etc 2 to 3 mornings a week depending on how demanding my work had been in the preceding days.  I have no trouble motivating myself to keep fit so don't need the gym but yes, you should go.  "If you don't use it you lose it" so keep stretching and strengthening without going too hard.  I haven't slowed down too much since I finished footy at 46 but it will start to happen soon.

And I've added my fathers accident to my list for the GP.  So thank you for that.

Kylie's health is fine thanks.  A bit of dodgy wiring with her heart but nothing too serious thankfully.  Cardiologist again soon for her.

Xmas for me, not too sure.  Never been a big fan of it.  Just see what happens.  I'll be going to the local pub Xmas ever as do most of the locals.  Kids and all as Santa will be there too.  Someone might suggest something then.  We'll see.

Have a good day.

Dino.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Dino14  I just wanted to quickly drop by and say hello and send you best wishes for a Christmas as good as possible.  It would be nice to think that you would be able to spend some time with Kylie, but I guess that is unlikely.  I do hope that her dodgy heart is able to be monitored and treated properly.  And yes, long distance relationships can be hard to manage, especially when you both work and have stressful and time consuming jobs.  But many people do manage, and hopefully you two may be able to as well. But I do concede it makes things more difficult.

Yes I am determined to continue with the fitness thing.  I have to be careful though, as I have a serious back injury, which plays up dreadfully if I do the wrong thing. Another reason I am no longer able to play the more energetic sports I used to love so much. My injury is the reason for the physiotherapist involvement in devising a safe gym program. If I do the wrong thing I wind up bedridden and in serious pain for days on end.  Its hard, but something I am pretty used to now as its been 20 years since my injury.  Learning to manage takes time though, and sometimes you like to test the boundaries.  Walking and swimming are two of the best exercises you can do, so I am glad you like walking.  Stretching and strengthening are also very important, so I'm glad you do that.  Yes very true ... use it or lose it.  Playing footy until 46 is great going, I commend you for that.  What position did you play?  And with your cricket, were you primarily a batsman, bowler or perhaps one of those multi talented all-rounders?

I have to say that I am not a big fan of Christmas either.  Without kids around, it all seems a little senseless to me. I have grandkids, the youngest of whom has just turned 7, but both sets live 6 hours drive away, and in opposite directions from where we live.  So we rarely see them at Christmas time.  I also had young nieces and nephews, my brothers kids, who we used to often spend Christmas with.  But tragically  their youngest child died in a car accident a few years back.  She was only 11 at the time.  And now Christmas seems more of a sad occasion than anything else, where you notice the absence of loved ones.  My first Christmas since my Mum died 5 months ago too.  So this is not a happy Christmas for me at all.  Anyway, sorry about my moaning ... that was not my intention at all.  Just became a bit melancholy thinking of Christmas I guess.  Anyway this year it is just hubby and myself.  We will have Christmas lunch with one of our neighbours, who are also on their own.  So that will be nice.  

I hope you have a nice Christmas feed at your local pub, and that perhaps something is organised to do afterwards.  Regardless, I hope you have as good a day as is possible.  Wishing you a merry christmas, and sending lots of well wishes to you.

Sherry 

[Dino14]

Thank you so much @Former-Member 

That's means more than you'll know......or maybe you will.

I am alone with my music at the moment but friends have invited me out this afternoon.  I wasn't going to go but I guess I will.  My favourite niece has invited me to her place tomorrow so that will be nice too.  She is more like a little sister as she's only 11 years younger and Kylie's best friend as well.  I'm going to visit Kylie on Sunday as I have some possessions to return to her.  Just hope I don't break down and cry.  I think she needs to know that I'm doing OK and that the real me is "winning". I will lunch with My Percy today.  My Dog by the way.  And he won't abandone me although don't tell him that I'm going to abandon him this afternoon.  He gets carsick and Kylie runs a vet clinic and for some reason I haven't got any tablets left for him.

I can sympathise with your back problems as Kylie was knocked over by a car when she was a girl and is on constant medication which also is a strain on her of course.

And to answer your sporting questions.  At Football I was Mr. Fixit.  Played every position and was marvellously adequate at all of them.  Stopped the best Full Forwards, went forward and kicked bags of goals at times and just relished the challenge of playing on the best opposition players.  Bowling was my go in cricket.  Always opened the bowling and they found it difficult to get the ball out of my hand.  Prided myself on my fielding and also often made handy runs when required.  Never made a 100 though.  84 was my best I think.

I also get the sadness of a loss at Xmas time too.  I lost my best mate 33 years ago, 2 days before Xmas and I still think of him every Xmas.  Time heals all wounds they say but not totally.

Last night was my night at the pub and I won a $500 bottle shop voucher.  That's a lot of happy water.  I'll share with friends otherwise temptation might get me and I'll mess with my head.

So don't worry about moaning, it's no problem at all.  You have made me a bit happier just by sending that message.

Have a great day.

Dino.

[Former-Member]

Awww gee thank you @Dino14 ... that is really kind of you.  Your gratitude brought tears ... to think I may have made a difference, is kinda special.

I have been listening to music this morning too ... christmas carols actually.  Hubby likes carols, and I do too. 

Yes I remember you had a dog called Percy.  What breed is he?  My girl Holly turns 11 today, its her birthday.  My very own little Christmas Holly.   Dogs really are the best.  I am sorry you are unable to take Percy with you later, due to his car sickness and being out of tablets for him.  Luckily my Holly is a good traveller.  

I am glad you are visiting your fav niece tomorrow.  I expect you'd be her fav uncle too?  Oh dear poor Kylie re the tangle with a car when a child.  Yes I sympathise with her.  My back injury happened 3 years after my trauma (assaulted in my home) and I think that the pain added to my trauma symptoms, as did the inability to no longer play sport or do all my usual things.  Chronic pain plays a significant role in our mental health.

You sound like a really top sportsman, someone I very much admire. A natural athlete. I used to be into athletics (100, 200 meters plus long jump were my specialities) which I used to love doing at school. I continued competing afterwards (seniors) until I was about 40yo, which was when I suffered my injury. I also played squash (which I was very good at) and tennis, indoor cricket, basketball, golf, hockey (not great at those, but competitive).  In the bush we never had the opportunity to play AFL, which I think I would have loved.  Although I am a bit of a shortie (5ft 2in) so likely would not have been much good at it.  But I would probably have played 'tall' as the saying goes.  In basketball I was, of course, a livewire guard.  Sigh ... I miss all that.

I am sorry to hear you lost your best mate some 33 years ago.  Yes its true that we never forget, which I guess really ... is as it should be.  But we do start to think more about the good times we shared, rather than our own sense of loss, as time moves on.  I think there is always that question though of 'what could have been'.  I lost my first boyfriend many years ago now, in a car accident.  He was 23, I was 20.  I still think of him too.  Fate is so unfair sometimes.

Hey ... good for you ... winning a $500 voucher is BIG.  I'm sure you will get plenty of takers to help you celebrate that win.  I hope you and Percy enjoy your quiet lunch today.  Are you cooking something a little bit special?  And I am so really happy to hear that you will be visiting Kylie on Sunday.  Yes I do hope she can see that you are doing okay, and that you are putting things in place to ensure an improvement in your life.  The real you will shine, I have no doubt.  One step at a time, is all you can do.  So far ... so good.  And again ... thank you so much for your kind words.

Sherry 

[Dino14]

Well @Former-Member 

I was doing so well.  Now I'm feeling teary too.  All good really just joking but also choking up a little.

You can keep your Xmas Carols though.  My vast collection is on random play and some songs make me pause and think.  All good thoughts though.  Who knew?  Percy is a Sharpei X.  Crossed with Alsation maybe but not sure.  Can we send photo's.  I haven't figured that out yet.  Anyway he's a good looking boy and I think he knows it.

I think I'm everybody's favourite Uncle.  I just need to find a way to remember that when the nonsense come crowding my thoughts.  No wonder Kylie fell in love with me, I'm Mr. Incredible.  She won't be able to stay away when the real me controls my thoughts.  OK enough of that rubbish Dean you're buzzing a the moment but it won't last forever.  But it will be me in the future I'm sure.

Nothing special for lunch just my favourite although I've substituted Xmas ham for bacon.  A big fry up.  Spuds, Eggs, Ham, Capsicum, Chilli, Garlic, Mushrooms & Onions.  Followed by pavlova with whipped cream.  No maybe tonight.  The only thing I miss about my ex-wife.  She made an incredible pav.  Today the waistline can blow out a bit.  I'll burn it off soon enough.  You can do the same.  I call it the Billy Connolly (My favourite comedian) Diet for me after today.  Move more and f@#&$#% eat less.  Hope that didn't offend you.

I miss playing sport too so I've been in coaching roles around my footy club since I retired.  I'm the games record holder and played in more premierships than anyone else so I'm sort of revered there.  Something I've always been uncomfortable about but just thinking now....that's probably the same lack of self esteem that comes with what I've got in my head......the same thing that made me feel unworthy of Kylie's love.  Good luck with your gym and just do what you can and never push too hard.

I guess I am a natural athlete, I was the only one in my age group that could high jump over their own height in high school.  Took a few "speccies" in my time.  I'm bragging now but there is a "Legend" photo in our club rooms with me marking.  It's just me and 6 opposition players, no team mates in the photo.   I tell the new young blokes that  I always had to play on 6 because my team mates were so pathetic.  I only say it when an old team mate can hear though.  So we are kindred sporting spirits by the sound of it although you haven't talked yourself up like I just have.  But in my defense I have to learn to like myself don't I?  Go you and me!  Athletes.

I think the sense of loss is part of my abandonement too.  I had my best mate from all through school pass in a motorbike accident when I was 15.  The woman that gave birth to me broke the news by telling me that "He deserved it as he was messing around".  What a lovely woman!  He wasn't messing around.  It was an accident and to make it even sadder his older brother was driving the car that collided with him.  His father was never the same.  Became an alcoholic and it was of course so sad to see all of that.  Fate is very unfair.

OK so now I've just had a phone call and it's time to abandon Percy.  You distract him around the back and I'll sneak out the front.

Keep up the good work and enjoy the rest of your day.  Boxing Day test tomorrow.  Michelle, my niece better have the TV on tomorrow.  

Bye for now.  You're a very good person, like myself.  Smile!