Lived Experience Forum

[Angel]

Has anyone been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder? I was wondering what people's view of this "disorder" is. Much of the information I have read is conflicting and even questioned as a disorder. Can you ever get over this or is it the case that you have it or not? Does anyone know if it is something instead of complex PTSD...the result of complex PTSD...or occurs in conjunction with complex PTSD? Sorry about all the questions!

[Neb]

I have/ am Angel. Not sure what complex PTSD is, but there may be strong correlations to it. After years of messing about, I was finally shunted to a psychiatrist who finally nailed it. Amazingly, after all the chemicals, he established a therapeutic relationship, which took a long time to happen, and so it went. I have mostly recovered from the fragmenting personalities which were a survival mechanism, and no longer have regular contact with MH services. I don't think one ever gets over it or cured, but I don't really care these days...it would be a lessening of me I feel. I know I tend to phase out under stress, apparently it is noticeable to others but not to me.

[CherryBomb]

Hi Angel,

You might be interested is this thread, which is a discussion about experiencing a dissociative state. My understanding is that that disassociation occurs along a continuum, with states on the lower end, and severe chronic experience at the opposite end. 

This info from ARAFMI says that it can be caused by several things, a traumatic event, being one of them. 

CB

[Angel]

Hi Neb,

I guess I am still havig trouble understanding it to be honest and really what is the difference in this and having schizophrenic episodes. I can appreciate when you say you don't know you do it but others realise. Although saying that I have been told that at times I converse almost normally when I have dissociated so it is sometimes very hard for people to even know that I have. That is unless of course I completely shut down.

Angel

[Neb]

Heh! Understand the complete shut down thing too. I guess DID is a bit like that too except the brain copes by fragmenting as a coping mechanism. For me there was a work ID, but this was when it was starting to really unravel, and of course it was not a conscious thing on my part, it was like just normal, but there must be a point where your head just can't do anymore and the whole castle of cards just falls over.

I recall having a " fugue" state which must of frightened a lot of folk as the police eventually found me. I had driven interstate and ended up with an old friend, whom I think knew something was badly wrong. My friendship with her did not survive as she could not deal with it, I was shattered at the time, but I can hardly blame her from my perspective now!

[chemonro]

I'm diagnosed with BPD and I've had, i think, some experience with psychosis and dissociation, although I think I'm probably on the mild end of the spectrum mentioned. 

Not being an expert, but i'll venture an opionion: I think (for me at least) it's related to like freezing with fright, in a survival situation an prey animal's mind can just shut down in intense panic. So it seems to me like my experience of dissociation has been emotion driven. 

What I've experienced most commonly is feelings of not being there, not being present, or being invisible, as if nobody else can see me. I've found that reconnecting with my senses by smelling things (flowers, tomatoes, perfume) can help!

I've also experienced feelings of everything being unreal, or of impending doom, and free floating anxiety and fear that doesn't have any obvious attachment (but often siezes on one). I think these feelings and ideas can be related to dissociation, but dissociation (for me) can be like the psychosis/anxiety (or unreality) attaches to my sense of self rather than to external things. 

I can defiinitely understand why people might seek out pain as a way of confirming their reality and sense of self! And if the feelings of impending doom and trapped despair go on long enough you can get to wishing it would just like, get on with it...

Those are my feelings, anyway! 

[Neb]

Those weird feelings! I do recall having amazingly vivid dreams, where I was flying over the earth and looking down, and through space. The astral travelling was stunningly beautiful, words are inadequate to describe this.

The conscious and unconscious aspects of DID were at times very disconcerting, like when I started realising that there were " others" in my head, initially I would get whopping massive headaches. Then as the lancing of the psychic pus started, well it was horrible.

I asked my doctor if everyone had more than 1 diagnosis and was told it was fairly common.

[JackJane]

Hi Angel, I live with DID and have for a number of years. Trial and error, via research and reading, I found two very helpful books "dissociative identity disorder sourcebook" (Haddock) and also "The Body Remembers" (B Rothschild). It takes time and lots of TLC and understanding, finding the right therapist and more time. Medications have not been helpful. For me Complex PTSD runs with DID. I don't expect recovery but I am focused on management with therapy at the top of the list these days. I wish you well.

JJ.

[Jynxme]

Hi Angel,

It is my understanding that "dissociation" is a self defence- a coping mechanisim if you will. So its not exclusivly attached to any one MI diagnosis, if your brain cant cope with a situation, extreme traumatic memories are triggered, very emotionally distressed ect. then it is quite common to dissociate. 

From what i have read and experianced there are four main types of dissociation; emotional detachment, amnesia, different/split personallities or personas and identity confusion.

You can recover by learning how to identify when you are begining to dissociate and comming up with different coping mechanisims to "snap" you out of that state. 

I hope this helps,

Jynxme.

[Former-Member]

I ... disappear .. alot. I find it hard to explain the feeling. But its like im just far away from what it happening. I can't cope with emotions and feelings, i just numb out and then disappear. Most of the time I just feel far away and if im talking it sounds kind of echoey to me but at other times i just disappear completely. Its hard in my psychology appts because i cant deal with any of the hard stuff. and it makes things a lot slower. Thats just my experience of dissociation but not sure about the dissociative identity disorder.

LJ