Battles

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

Yeah, the night time always seems to amplify things for me as well.  It's seems easier to distract myself during the day.  I can at night as well sometimes, but it's the being in bed, in the dark and quiet where my mind really does like to have it's little doom and gloom chats with me.  It's like of those really annoying people that even if you tell them to bigger off, they just keep talking and talking.  How do you slap a brain? 

I'm glad @Jynx brightened you day.  It's funny how they seem to have a knack for doing that.

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 yeah day times aren't so bad for me either. Like there's always the thoughts but they are more at the back of the mind whereas night time it's like they are right up the front and they get stronger and louder. If I work out how to slap a brain, I'll let you know 😂. 

Yes they definitely have a knack for doing it. Just like you do when you know just what to say to make me feel better 😊. 

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

Yes, I'm exactly the same.  If you do work out how to sap a brain, maybe you should tell me... I'm not sure I'd be able to stop! 😂

I'm not sure I have a knack... It's more like just saying enough stuff that the odds are some of it has to be good.  I never understood that whole 'less is more' thing... more is always more.  I mean, maybe a debt is an exception.  The same with modern music.  Less is definitely more there! 😁

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 haha I think we might both be the same there in not being able to stop 😂. 

Well you've always managed to say the right things to me and I've seen you have conversations with others where you have done the same. Debt is an exception and definitely modern music, but it's not really music is it, it's just noise 😂. 

I have a big day tomorrow and I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with it. Have to sit in a room with lots of other people while they discuss bureaucracy. I usually try to avoid getting involved but I also like to stay in the loop. 

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

I started writing a bunch of stuff about why I always seem to avoid taking compliments.  But thought, no, I need to stop thinking like that.  So instead I'm just going to thank you for your very kind words.  And accept them with the same amount of appreciation as they were given.  I do need to stop this negative thinking.  So what you said does mean a lot to me.

As for using the term 'muaic', yes, I'm talking more about the section you would look in if for some unknown reason you wanted to buy any of it   I've heard my cat being sick. Id rather listen to that!  🤣

I was going to comment on how horrible your tomorrow sounds but found myself thinking what could be on a Sunday that is a room full of people discussing beauracracy.  But then I fell asleep with boredom from just the thought.  But I guess it's better if you just have to listen and not expected to talk to anyone.  That should make it a little more tolerable.  If people do try to talk to you, close your eyes, pretend your asleep and they should ignore you and you can continue to listen to stay updated with what is going on.  I'll also add that I take no responsibility if you actually listen to any of my ideas! 🤣. I just hope tomorrow isn't to bad for you though.  Good luck.

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 oh I'm so very much the same. I can't take compliments, my brain straight away shuts it down and tells me I don't deserve it, that I'm not worthy etc. But you genuinely deserve that compliment, you have helped me more than you could know 😊.

My dogs used to make some funky noises when they would be sick, nothing makes you jump out of bed faster 😂. But yes I'd rather listen to that than the music that's out these days. 

It's for an organisation that I volunteer for and one of the members has lodged an anonymous complaint so an emergency meeting has been called. Will be an interesting meeting but yes I tend to sit there quietly and just listen to all the bullsh!t. Maybe I'll wear some dark glasses so noone can see my eyes then I can just have a nap 😂. Oh on the plus side I should get lots of kitten cuddles 😊. Which also means lots of sneezing and itchy eyes but it's so worth it 😂

[Dreamy]

Morning @MJG017, I hope the lunch goes ok today. I slept a solid 7 hours, that's the longest I've slept in over 4 months. I wish I could say I woke up feeling refreshed but I'm I've woken up feeling very spaced out but I guess medications will do that to you. 

Not looking forward to this meeting but I'm here waiting for it to start at 12pm. I did find a coffee shop and got myself an iced chocolate with icecream and whipped cream. Don't know why the meeting has to be at thebarton though, such a long way away. 

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

It's strange.  I've done quite a bit of reading into trauma and coping mechanisns and responses over the past 8 to 10 months and have discover quite a lot about why I (and likely many of us) have these negative thoughts about myself.  Why I blame myself, why I don't feel needed or wanted, why I feel useless or not worthy of any praise.  I understand now where most of it comes from.  And I still can't stop it!  I'm better at it, sure.  But it's still there and it's still always the first thought that enters my head.  And it's still a big struggle to control.  It was a lot easier when I just believed and accepted it.  Now it's like this constant internal argument in my head... and it's exhausting!  I feel like Homer Simpson when he got the crayon removed from his nose and became smarter.  He ended putting it back because being smarter just made life too difficult after being like he was for so long.

Sometimes I hear a cat being sick in the morning while I'm still in bed.  My first thought is where is it coming from... Is it on the wooden floor or the carpet?.  It's always the carpet by the way.  The 2bd thought is a mental reminder to watch out where I step when I get up.

How do you have a meeting about an anonymous complaint?  You are basically assuming the complaint is valid.  I guess it would depend on what the complaint is.  If it was serious enough, then I can see it worth discussing.  Still seems odd to do it on a Sunday though.  Unless it involves a church.  And yes, u think about things far too much!  I'm such a nosey bugger! 🤣

You need the glasses with the open eyes painted on them.  I've seen them, it's very hard to tell the person is asleep.  I talked to a person for 2 hours once, thinking they were still awake.  Okay, okay... we both know that's not true... as soon as I said I talked to someone it was obvious I made the whole thing up! 😁

I might go see if I have something to paint some eyes on some glasses.  I could take them with me to lunch.  I'm cutting it a bit fine though.  I haven't even started getting ready and I have to be at Marion in 30mins.  Oh no, I might be a bit late.  Darn. 😦

You're getting kitten cuddles though.  Totally worth any inconvenience.  Could you smuggle me in to the meeting at all? 🤣

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 i want to reply to this now but the meeting is about to start and I don't have long enough to say a bunch of intelligent sh!t 😂. So I shall think of what to write over the next few hours until I can reply. 

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

I posted my last reply and then saw that you'd posted again.  I had to leave for lunch, but now that I'm here, I have plenty of spare time to reply while I wait for my chips to arrive.

Seven hours sleep seems like quite a win.  Hopefully it continues and the decent sleep continues for you.  It certainly cant hurt to start getting some reasonable sleep each night

I know when I've struggles to sleep for extended times, it takes a bit more than a decent night or two to make up for it.  But it certainly seems like a positive sign.

I nice little sugar hit should help to keep you awake during the meeting.  Other than that, it's chocolate and icecream, and that never needs an excuse. 😁

Hopefully my chips are here soon.  Until then I'll wait patiently for the intelligent sh1t. 🤣