Lived Experience Forum

[eudemonism]

Hi im looking for sone help, advice, counsel or guidance surrounding a developing issue that im in the middle of that some of you maybe able to relate to or know what im talking about.

So here i go. Ive been becoming unwell and unstable over the last week or so and im now trying to work out why it has happened snd what is causing it. And a few elements come into play. An alcoholic associate got back from his trip to the city and started revisiting me and pressuring the drink upon me. Another associate came back around and his problems became my problems and started rubbing off on me. Its the month of Ramadan and i got a storm system and cold spike coming that is two days away. And im nearing the end of my depot cycle.

I cracked it at these guys through a text and told them what i was thinking. And to really solve and fix thr problems these guys are causing me. I think id have to say. No more. Thats it. Go away. And dont come back. Leave me in peace snd let me live my life how i want too.

From day one and every time they come around. Im thinking here we go. Heres trouble. What problems am i gonna have to be dealing with today? And on the inside im thinking get lost! I got enough on me own plate without dealing with their issues as well. But being the quiet and reversed person i am. Its hard to put people in their place after ive prioritized me as number one. And dealing with the problem i can see unfolding.

Each morning its the same situation. Each morning im in the same circumstances. And its a hard job to get it right. And get through each day. Looking after myself and taking care of myself. And dealing with my own dilemmas and problems is hard enough.

And from day one i could see all this stuff unfolding. And i could subconsciously see what was happening. And didnt really know what to do about it. and ive pushed them away and ive had breathing space and regrouped myself and started functioning better again. But then along comes a phone call or a knock at the door and the cycle unfolds again. And the process repeats. And im left feeling really annoyed and agitated and unwell and unstable.

Now consider. Ive done it too myself and got no one else to blame. And im the only person who can really help me so i sent them both half friendly texts stating my qualm and hoping to deal with the inherent people problems im faced with and move on. Toward better self care everyday. And taking good care of myself. My animals. My family. Whom i want to call friends. And start living in a socially protected situation and environment. Stabilize. Get well. Start thinking clearly. And battling my battle as an individual.

I got nothing against anyone really. But when i can sense and know.that a situation is bringing me down. I get really annoyed. And do my best to deal with the problem.

What say all ye?

[Lunar]

Hello @eudemonism

Thank you for sharing your story, it seems like you have a lot of insight as to what support is not helpful for you to cope at the moment. I think it is really brave that you are speaking up and telling people about how their behaviours are affecting you negatively as that is not easy to do but so helpful in the long run. It seems like you have built quite a lot of resilience to be able to get to this point and continually speak up when you feel this way.

I am glad to hear that you are looking into focusing on self-care, your animals and yourself as you are so right, that is what you can change and work on.

Thinking of you,

Lunar

[eudemonism]

Well @Lunar i got spoken to about boundaries today. And the conversation naturally lead to the subject of boundaries after i was explaining some problems id been dealing with. And i think healthy boundaries are important for everybody. So i try to keep that in mind when dealing with people in my life.

Its natural and very common to have people cross boundaries and its hard to deal with. Its an unfortunate fact of life and its very frustrating to go through. Especially when you feel youre getting taken advantage of.

But what can ya really do about it? Its like try to be the nice guy or stand your ground and dont back down. It the little emotional battles. Speaking my mind. That tugg of war with giving and taking. Eventually i usually have a melt down and it becomes my fault then.

[Lunar]

Hi there @eudemonism

You are right, boundaries are not easy and unfortunately people do take advantage of others if they can, that is why you have boundaires to feedback to the person that what they are doing is not okay and you would like to be treated better. Something that we all have to do every day, there are lots of nice people in this world who treat others kindly but also others who don't, so they best you can do is try to mainly surround yourself with people who are mostly nice and not pay too much attention to those who are unkind.

For me, I try to understand what that person is going through for them to be so mean, usually anger and other things are a learnt behaviour from else where, it is not personal something else is happening for them.

Be nice to those who deserve it and stand your ground with those that you have to, I don't think it would be your fault if you have a melt down, melt downs happen, it is normal to emotionally react to things but it is ore helpful to think about why that meltdown happened for you, do you have a counsellor or someone you can talk through your meltdowns with?

Lunar

[eudemonism]

Yea i do. And i can see what happening every time it happens. But they continue to push over the boundaries. Whether professional people or not. So quite often my reaction is to get angry. But now days i cross their boundaries in return and they go into professional text book mode very quickly. And im left thinking. What a joke? <br><br>This is where my recluse and hermit behaviour comes from. Because after it has happened enough times. I think why waste my time trying to fix other peoples problems? <br><br>Just today i thought. The system and Christianity is very good as protecting the bad guys. And leaving the victim with limited options. Apart from accept. Forgive and move on. And let us do what we do best. So in that respective. This country works well for the abusers of society. <br><br>Ps. My theories about how the world works may be very confronting and hard to understand bye choice of narrow mindedness but it definitely all makes sense to me.<br><br>eude