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Looking after ourselves

Jay5
Senior Contributor

Adjusting to my new (good) normal

I just want to start by saying I am really really happy, genuinely and I haven't felt that way many times before in my life, I have always struggled and barely kept myself afloat, felt like I was just just surviving, but now life is good, it's really good and I am happy. I have a partner and two kids (one baby one toddler), I run my own business, I have hobbies like surfing. But with that comes a lot of anxiety, am I doing this right, what if I screw it up. It feels odd to not have anything really bad happening in my life and to just be happy and enjoy what I have. 
i feel a bit stupid when I think.... wow everything has been going well for ages now, when will it stop? That's a stupid thing to think because I want things to stay good but it's almost like I'm anticipating something bad beceuse I haven't experienced this genuine happiness and joy in my life so when it happens I don't expect it to be long lasting. 

Is this normal? 

8 REPLIES 8

Re: Adjusting to my new (good) normal

@Jay5 

 

Hello Jay

 

Just a quick note to see if you are still nearby. If you are I can talk with you now.

 

A Quick answer to your main question is "No, you're not on your own with those thoughts"

 

Cheers

HenryX

Re: Adjusting to my new (good) normal

@Jay5 

Hello Jay5

 

It is great that you are feeling as happy and at peace as you seem to be saying in your post. From some of the things you have said, it seems that you've been through some pretty hard patches in your life. From another of your posts, I understand that you have had the company of your partner's family over Easter and it seems that the gathering was pleasant and reassuring to you. It must have been, because you are happy now. You have mentioned your two children, a baby and a toddler, a business, and surfing.

 

To be realistic, it is probably not a question of whether you're doing it right, or whether you screw it up, but how you deal with those events when they inevitably happen. Have a look around; do you see anyone around you who always does it right or who never screws it up. No!! And to think that we never will is totally unrealistic. The trick is to keep in mind the possibilities.

 

Alright, none of us can prepare for every possibility. Floods, uncontrollable fires, cyclones. Those sorts of things are going to knock everyone in their way for a six. And that is when the best of everyone else comes out.

 

However, we can lose track of our time, our spending, our possible income, the season when most of our sales are made, preparing for the times that we will have a low income – the off-season, a child's possible illness - where we need to spend more time at home, have we planned for what we can plan and have a contingency plan for the other possibilities.

 

These are the ways that you can use to ease anxiety. Remember that the singer has “nerves” and is anxious before they go on stage, the salesperson only feels "that edge" when they are nervous or anxious. It is the same for many professions. So don't be too anxious about getting anxious or not getting anxious. It's what gives you the edge – the sharpness.

 

What you can't do is prevent anything bad from happening in your life. What you can do, by taking reasonable steps and precautions, is to minimise the impact of those events. But, being constantly worried about them will neither improve your state of mind nor your bank balance. The thing is not to think “when will all the good things stop”, but think “when things go into a dip, have I taken reasonable steps to minimise the effects of that dip on ourselves individually and on our family.”

 

Another thought is: to be looking up, from the bottom of a dip with positive expectation, rather than to be looking down from the top of a crest with fear.

 

With My Best Wishes

 

HenryX

Re: Adjusting to my new (good) normal

Hi @Jay5, I think what you're feeling is not uncommon for people who've experienced a lot of tough times. I know for myself that when I'm happy and things are good, after a while I might think, "how long will this last?" or, "something bad must be coming up to balance this all out."

 

There is no reason, though, why we can't have genuine happiness. We deserve it! If things are going well for you, I'm so happy to hear that, and I hope that continues Heart I hope that happiness can become a new normal for us all 😊

Re: Adjusting to my new (good) normal

@Jay5 

I have heard a lot of people go through those doubts and so have I. 

 

Enjoy those good things in your life.  They are wonderful, but also from adulthood point of view, there are a lot of variables, and general issues in running a business, and having a family.  Its huge. Yes so many things can go wrong, and may not all be your responsibility, although you obviously do have input.  Maybe your doubt is a form of humility before the greatness and complexity of all those things.  

 

Good to hear you are happy at the moment.

Re: Adjusting to my new (good) normal

Thank you @HenryX and I'm sorry about the slow reply, we have been really busy here. 

Thank you for such a detailed response, I do feel more prepared than a have been for if something is to happen, by that I mean I feel able to cope with what life throws at me, whereas a few years ago there are some things that would have knocked me down for a very long time, should they happen again, I can manage. I feel like I have the ability to do that now. I just need to trust myself, the sky won't fall in, we will manage. 

Re: Adjusting to my new (good) normal

Thank you @Appleblossom 😀

Re: Adjusting to my new (good) normal

Thank you @girasole @what a lovely message I hope so too 

Re: Adjusting to my new (good) normal

Hello Jay5


It sounds to me that you may have only needed some reassurance that you are on the right track. Maybe the awareness that you are generally prepared for most possibilities – as much as any of us can be – is part of the reason that you really are feeling happy and that you know that you have good reason to be.


Please remember to keep that edge sharp, so that you can anticipate possibilities in time and be able to respond to them quickly and appropriately.


I think that it is good that, looking back at previous situations, you are now more self-assured about your ability to cope with the situation should they or similar events occur again in the future.


Trusting yourself comes with experience, that you have gained through previous events, and the capacity that you have already expressed about your acquired knowledge and abilities.


Sounds like you have good reason to feel at peace and to enjoy those precious feelings of genuine happiness and joy in your life.


With My Very Best Wishes

HenryX

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