Lived Experience Forum

[Sambo]

Hi guys, this is my first post. I’m so shy I normally wouldn’t even reach out online for help, but I’m really struggling. I feel so disconnected from the world. Struggling with moving on from my childrens mum. I feel so weak

[flybluebird]

Hi @Sambo 

I’m really glad you’ve reached out despite being so shy and something you said you wouldn’t normally do. Theres so much strength in all of that and if you don’t see that for yourself right now, I see that in you. 

I hear that things are tough going for you right now and that feeling disconnected from the world, I know can be such an isolating experience. I have had times feeling like that myself and you have certainly a lot of people here at the forums that will no doubt relate with you on that.
Just wanting to acknowledge that you don't have to feel alone in this. 

I’m just wondering if you have any supports around you with
a) your feelings?
&/or
b) the relationship that you’ve shared with us today?

Outside of the forums here at SANE, Just letting you know that we have a free phone counselling service that runs 10am-10pm - with all info here .

That is if you are feeling like some extra support will be useful during this time?

Hope you can find support from the amazing community of members here.

Sending a warm welcome to you & hope you can connect in with others here. 

[Gwynn]

Hi @Sambo, what's going on?

[Sambo]

Thank you so much @flybluebird 

Its really nice to hear those warm and welcoming words. 
I’ve been reading some of the forums here and deeply sympathise with them. I know there a people far worse off than I am. 
I don’t seek too many people out for support. 
At the moment, I’m really only talking to my ex about my struggles, which I can see is only going to make it even harder to move on. 
she’s going through a breakup now and is probably looking for some comfort with her old family. I want to be supportive for her while she’s going through this, but it’s just bringing up so many emotions. 

I called my sister for help this morning which I’ve never done. I could tell she was scrambling for advice, but as I said to her, it helps just do say it. 

Thank you again so much for being so kind. I hope to be able to help others in the future. I know that helping others feels great  🙏

[flybluebird]

Sure thing @Sambo - regardless of other people’s situations or experiences, always know that yours is valid. 

I can see that would be tricky chatting only with your ex with the complexity of no longer being together. I wonder if seeking support from someone completely neutral to that relationship is worth perhaps looking at?
Whether that’s a professional or someone else - you will know what might be worth a try in your own choice around that.

We also have peer support available in 1:1 service through chat or phone if you’d like the peer to peer approach to support.

When we reach out, sometimes our family and friends have trouble knowing what to say hey.
I’ve often had to stop them from going into “fix it” mode and trying to find solutions as most of the time I’m not seeking that.
Like you said, having someone to say it out loud to & have listen can be incredibly supportive in ask many ways. 

Take care 

[Appleblossom]

@Sambo 

Welcome to the forum

Sounds complicated with your ex if your considering her needs ... and your children.

Not sure if you know about this stuff 

https://menandrelationships.com.au/mens-vulnerability/ 

Maybe it is a time for finding out about your boundaries and limits... and do self care .... its alright ... we all have them ... and if ... like me ... we are not very aware of them ... we have to learn about them ...

you know the old O2 mask on self before others .... focus on your children maybe til your partner dynamic becomes clearer.

Take care

Apple

[EternalFlower]

Hi @Sambo sorry Ur feelings lone,y and missing your children's  mother   I hope u have a better day tomorrow. Ends of relationships are so hard and painful. I hope u can get through it and find some support here 

[Sambo]

Hey @Gwynn 🙂 

So the children's mum and I separated a bit over a year ago. She moved on instantly, but I can’t seem to get over her. Early on she got with a guy who really caused issues for the kids and I. His controlling, aggressive demeanour and manipulation drew a big wedge into the family. 
They’re currently breaking up, though she’s still sleeping with him. 
Last night she was drink driving and rolled her car and totalled it. I didn’t find out until this morning, but it sent me into a panic. Realising I might miss the opportunity to ever get her back. 
I had such a hard day. I can’t seem to stop crying. 
she visited today, but it’s beyond obvious that she doesn’t want to pursue anything with me. 
Logically I see the answer.. She’ll never love me properly so there’s no point even worrying what she’s doing. 
I just have to learn how to put that into action.

thank you again 🙏 this is healing 

[Sambo]

Thank you @flybluebird 

I think I might actually know the perfect person to talk to.. I’ve been volunteering with a guy who has been through a lot and who also used to be a counsellor. He seems very aware of mental health issues and I think he’d be pretty easy to talk to. 

I totally agree! 🙂  That’s why I don’t call my mum. She can’t help but try to fix things or tell me what to do. 

🙏🙂

[Sambo]

Hello and thanks for welcoming me @Appleblossom  🙂 

That website seems pretty relevant to me so thank you so much for the link. 
I would love to learn about myself. Do you have any advice on how I could learn my boundaries and limits? How do we know which boundaries are valid and which are things that need work? 

I totally see what the mean about the gas mask. 
When I get into a state worrying and obsessing over their mum, I see that I neglect the kids.