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Fuzy
New Contributor

It’s tough

Hey....

 

my wife (of nearly 5 years) had a really challenging childhood. She came from a broken family with an alcoholic mother. She's dealt with this the best way she can and has been able to get through life and get a great job.

We had a child around 2.5 years ago and the birth was traumatic. There were complications after the birth also where support services let her (us) down. These situations affected her hugely. (More than I could ever know). Obviously if I could do things again, I would have validated these moments and been much

more supportive. At the time I was doing my best as a new dad.

A year of so later these things resurfaced and are the centre of a lot of pain and resentment for her. I still never understood how much pain these things caused. During covid lockdown things got so difficult she checked herself into a clinic for mental health. After a week or so she was discharged and things were ok for a while. She's been bumped across different medications and it is still extremely difficult to navigate. For over a year I have been at the end of her anger, dissappointment, frustration etc. She's been in a really touch space.

Ive, been supporting her and never (almost never) responding to her anger towards me. We've been through a couple of cycles where she believes sh should leave (either because she believes I don't deserve the treatment, or she believes she can't trust me).

I put her and our boy before everything. I've not seen friends for over a year as I spend all my energy trying to keep the house and family together.

im tired, i feel like giving up. The psychiatrist suggests it could be 6-12 months of treatment for her - I get that.

but 12 months of 'I want to leave you' then 'sorry' are really starting to break me. What if I'm just blind and think things will get better when they won't? When / how / should I decide when I need to put myself first?

5 REPLIES 5

Re: It’s tough

hello @Fuzy how are you and your wife today 

it is very tricky when changing medications all the time 

Carers Hints and tips to Successis a good thread to click onto for our own self care 

also will tag some members @Faith-and-Hope , @Former-Member , @TideisTurning 

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: It’s tough

Yikes @Fuzy 

 

Getting medications right can be trial.and error, seemingly more trial and more error 😵😵😵.  

 

As a caregiver we carry a heavy load during the acute phase but it is also important that we look after ourselves. 

 

You need your friends and a support system. I will tag you in a talk that might be helpful to you.

Re: It’s tough

Hi @Fuzy

That sounds like a really hard situation to navigate. It can be really hard watching someone we love struggling, not knowing what to do and also struggling ourselves. You deserve support too if you feel you need it, please reach out, either here on the Forums or there are also places like Mental Health Carers Australia or Carer Gateway you could try reaching out to. All the very best, 

 

TideisTurning 💚

Re: It’s tough

Thank you!

Re: It’s tough

Hi, 

 

my partner has significant mental health as well and we are still working on correct medication 3yrs later. 
it is a hard journey. There is loss there no one pointed that out to me until recently and it made huge difference to me. I wish someone had told me that earlier so I could have processed and managed that before it got to late, which is why I tell you now. 

my concern is also for your little boy. I hope he is protected from any kind of arguments and anger towards you. Children are sooo vulnerable at this age and pick up far more emotionally than you may realise. 
He can not protect himself, understand mummy doesn't mean it she is unwell.

 

so while your wife deserves love and support your son deserves protection so this is not him in 20-30 years. 

I strongly recommend speaking to your wife and raising this if you have concerns about what I mentioned above. Help her to understand possible effects on him. 

I am not saying you need to leave her, but you both need to have plans for then thing escalate. Is there someone you or she can go to when things get heated. 

also I can't recommend couples counselling enough. I wish we did more though our journey.

 

this is a hard road, good luck I hope you all find a way through it. 

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