New therapist

[Patches59]

@lighthouse22 @Dimity   I’m still in the early stages of preparation with EMDR.  Due to my upcoming eye surgery my next therapist appointment is not until early November which will be a phone appointment during which, the aim is, to start doing what my therapist calls mapping.

couple sessions ago she had me go to my safe place in my mind whilst with her.  She suggested I do same thing at home whenever I want or need to. At home it has helped and I feel relaxed after. Weird thing is safe place I created in my mind whilst with the therapist is not where my mind goes to when I’m at home.  Therapist has explained I dissociate, makes sense as have chunks of my past I have no memories of.

[lighthouse22]

@Patches59 

Thats interesting and has given me an idea thank you. 

Hope the surgery goes well x

[Dimity]

Calling it your cyclone sounds descriptive @lighthouse22 .... being buffeted by storm and wind. I'm so glad it's paying off for you.

Thank goodness I've finished my eye journey now. I've had the op, finished the drops and a week or two ago picked up my new glasses. So all done and dusted. 

Starting EMDR isn't easy @Patches59 so you're wise to not take on too much at once. 

Hmm I don't think I have a mental picture of a safe space now... what comes to mind is juxtaposed with feeling unsafe or with people I've lost. It would be nice to find sanctuary or feel at home in the here and now. 

I just spent over an hour wrestling with mygov and setting up the Medicare app to claim on my very expensive therapy sessions. It was pretty opaque at first. 

[Patches59]

@Dimity  I spent ages this afternoon wrestling with myGov trying to find outcome of blood tests I had few years ago.  Knew should have been there.  Finally found them and a date I was looking for.

when I sit at home and try to calm my mind I feel I’m fully engulfed by blackness.  Can’t hear, feel or see anything.  Last time I tried I pictured myself in lounge room of family home looking at a painting. After while felt I was in the painting.  My therapists said they are both ways in which my brain is relating to ‘escaping to safety’ when I was a child.

Im lucky my mind hasn’t been filled with memories of people I’ve lost for ages now and when does they are happy memories now.  I used to have unpleasant nightmares and flashbacks in which my mind used to distort and rob me of my happy memories

[tyme]

Heya @Patches59 ,

Great to hear from you. You sound so super organised!

I thought I'd share photos of this freshly-groomed pooch... she was looking so shaggy and unkept after her surgery... now she must be feeling as light as a feather! @Dimity @NatureLover @MJG017 @lighthouse22 

[Dimity]

What a gorgeous girl she is @tyme . Cheered me up.

I can relate to those feelings @Patches59 . And I have a painting my grandmother painted for me of some of the things in her house. 

[tyme]

Hugs from Ruby Rose to you @Dimity 🙂 She's a bundle of energy.

[Patches59]

@tyme   She is gorgeous 

miss trouble though when look into her eyes. 😹

Im trying to get certain things done each day so have everything done few days before surgery day.  Spend few days with the cats before leaving them overnight.

@Dimity I have lovely memories of lots of things prior to when I was about 11yo.  Photos that go with some of the memories also.  Lost few very special family members during following couple of years that never fully came to terms with plus, what I learnt about decade later, health issue with my dad, I have big gap in my memory.  What I do remember of those years is far from pleasant.  I’m hoping through EMDR that future events don’t trigger me as massively as they currently do

Ive been lucky to inherit small number of things from my maternal grandmother.  
things that sentimental value makes them worth more than gold

[tyme]

Yes @Patches59 ! She IS trouble alright!

[Dimity]

Sorry to hear things weren't good after 11 @Patches59 but glad you had a better start. When I did EMDR I started with one of my earliest memories. So much unhappiness.