Lived Experience Forum

[OhanaSystem]

@EliseSunflower

A lot of experience sure sums it up! I'm 35 now and I've almost constantly been in treatment of one sort or another since I was 15. (I will clarify, though, BPD is only one of the diagnoses I've wound up with. I also live with DID and "complex trauma", so that has had some impact as well.)

When I was fifteen, I was self harming daily, suicidal most of the time, and generally struggling to get through life. I hated myself and I fought constantly with my mother, though that had improved some since I was 12 and she sent me away for two years. Things got worse when I was assaulted early the next year (16) and I began to recover memories of abuse from earlier in my life. My grades went down, I stopped participating as much in schoolwork and my previously pretty pathetic results with friendships completely derailed into abyssimal results.

**edited because apparently I don't know how old I am, lol.

[Mum2eight]

I was taken to hospital a few times at that time I was told to see the mental health services. I turned up a few times but felt like they didn’t know what was wrong and just labeled me with depression. My local dr put me on antidepressants at that time.

[EliseSunflower]

Hi @Phoenix_Rising, thanks so much for joining.

That sounds like an extremely difficult time. What was it like receiving the BPD diagnosis?

[outlander]

it really surprised me @EliseSunflower but it was also like finding the missing piece. i was able to take a read up and also meet others on here with the same mh diagnosis so learnt more about it  and  makes sense why it felt something was missing..

[EliseSunflower]

Hi @OhanaSystem

I've been known to spell my own name wrong so no judgement about the age edit 

Thanks for letting me know about your diagnoses and experiences as a teenager. That sounds like a very challenging time.

What was it like for you receiving that diagnosis?

[EliseSunflower]

Thanks everyone who has replied so far.

To keep things moving, I'm going to move on to the next question:

What was it like seeking and receiving a diagnosis? 

(If you haven't let me know already, it'd be awesome if you could let me know what personality disorder you have been diagnosed with - thanks!). 

[difficulthuman]

Getting a BPD diagnoses put me in the outsider category. Mental health professionals are a new obstacle to deal with because a lot don't believe in the diagnoses.

[BlueBay]

@EliseSunflower

I found out through my psychologist's letter to a psychiatrist.  I opened the letter and read the referral.  He didn't even explainn it to me beforehand.

No one really explained it to me - i had to google my diagnosis.  I hate it.  I hate the word Borderline - i wish it was changed.

[Phoenix_Rising]

@EliseSunflower receiving the diagnosis of BPD was initially a huge relief. My then-therapist gave me a copy of the diagnostic criteria from the DSM-III and I felt so relieved to discover that what I was struggling with had a name and that other people struggled in the same way that I did. Me being me, I then went and read everything I could find on BPD (which wasn't a lot at the time!!!) and I found it all hugely validating. 

However, as time went on and I kept landing myself (usually with the help of police!) in hospital, I became very aware of the stigma and negative attitudes of mental health professionals towards people with BPD. I was told I was attention seeking and that I just needed to grow up. I also had icky experiences such as being locked in seclusion etc. Mental health professionals tended to take a punitive and shaming approach towards people with BPD (and sadly, far too many MH professionals still do!!!). Consequently, most of what I struggle with now is due to trauma I've experienced at the hands of MH professionals rather than the stuff that initially created my muddle. 

[EliseSunflower]

@Mum2eight Unfortunately that's a story I've heard a few times - health professionals diagnosing depression but missing some of the other signs and symptoms. It can make things very difficult to access the support you need at the time. I guess it can sometimes be a step in the right direction though!