Lived Experience Forum

[simply_me]

Thanks for the great discussion and moral support.  Best wishes.

[NikNik]

We have about 10 mins to go...

I wanted to share another approach, which I'm sure some of you have heard of, to manage situations where you may be feeling intense fear. It takes practice though... so you can have a go at this when you don't feel threatened.

It's a strategy developed by Dollard and talked about in his book Victory over Fear (which by the way, was written in 1942, but still has a lot of relevance) -

He suggests a stop, look, and listen technique:

• When you find yourself in an anxious sitation, an essential step is to stop and think about your thinking (which is called metacognition). If you don't figure out what is in your head, you'll run from what you feel in your gut (Lj, I think you referred to the 'gut' feeling before). When in doubt, write out the thoughts. What are you saying to yourself when you have anxiety? Do you worry about what is wrong with you? Do you hear an inner voice saying, what's the use, why bother trying?

Dollard does talk about the idea of  thinking about thinking doesn't come easily. However, you can practice this (through mindfulness) anytime.

• When you look you examine the meaning of your thoughts. What is going on? What is the problem? Is there a thinking fiction? Through this, you may find you have a correctable problem to solve.

• Finally, when you listen, you prepare yourself to separate vexing from useful thoughts and combat anxiety thinking. For example, if you think you are powerless to overcome your anxieties and fears, what are the exception(s)? By asking the question, you've shown yourself you are not powerless.

Dollard is explicit about what happens next: changes in thinking must include new actions if you are to make the new thoughts useful.

I think 'action' is something we can struggle with (avoidance etc) Lj - what action did you/will you undertake to challenge the fear you're feeling?

Does anyone feel up to commiting to an action or a small step towards managing a fear?

[Jinx]

I just joined after reading these comments and this article. Very helpful. My fears and anxiety do effect my daily life- only realising after reading this thanx

[Former-Member]

I'm going to court for trial starting on Thursday this week.. so in someways, all i've had to do so far is hold strong and not call the whole thing off... facing my fears of talking about the way my ex husband treated me is going to be terrible.. but i've been balancing that by telling myself that its not going to be as bad an experience as what actually happened. I've been visualising the court room and doing grounding techniques while i visualise the court room to try and get practiced at doing it for when im there... plus the breathing etc. I've been telling myself some affirmations like, i am powerful if i choose to be so.. etc.. But i have to DO it still yikes. but if i can get through this trial... i think i will prove to myself that i wont let anyone push me around in any sort of way anymore and i can do it... maybe... (practicing my breathing right now lol)

[Eagle]

Ah! I left the discussion for 40mins and it looks like the conversation took off! I just spent a lot of time reading what everyone has written!

I wanted to talk about a little well known story you may have heard about before...

There once was a Lion.. he lived in a place called Oz and considered himself a coward (see where I'm going here). He wanted to see the wizard so he could have courage. He was constantly looking outside himself for affirmation of his courage... when what the Wizard of Oz actually points out to him is that he already has courage... just by being aware of his fears and doing the journey all the way to Oz, he was still afraid.. but he showed great courage!

I think we all forget our past heroic, brave or courageous acts! I hope everyone is being kind to themselves and acknowledging some of the awesome things you may have already done!

[NikNik]

@Former-Member wow - that's so excellent! You have identified multiple strategies to get you through it!

@Eagle I think your post is a wonderful way to wrap up this discussion!

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences, stories, fears, tips and strategies. At the very least we know we're not alone in our experiences.

For those who are new to the Forums and @Jinx who just joined the discussion- we kept things very general and broad tonight, because there is such a range of experiences. So if you want more information, advice, support and encouragement, I encourage you to post a new discussion in the Forums and members will response to your questions and their responses will be more specific to your experiences.

Please take care tonight.. .sometimes talking about fear and anxiety can increase our anxiety in this moment - so please conciously do something you know will help you - whether it be to relax you, to distract you or to manage any anxiety you are feeling right now.

I wanted to end with an image that helps me challenge my thoughts -

Night everyone