Lived Experience Forum

[ahiddenmaze]

hey all, I (23m) am curious to find anyone who has struggled with their relationships (colleagues, friends, partners, family).

about 5 years ago, I started to lose my ability to openly connect with others and form new relationships. It’s has now gotten to the point where I cannot make new friends or date people as I have trouble finding meaning to connect with anyone. 

majority of my relationships are superficial and only exist because we share our time together (uni, work). I have had no issue with this over the past 5 years as the whole time I have been in a committed relationship that I recently ended to try and ‘find myself’.

this so far has showed me my utter lack of ability to relate to anyone and only tolerate others who I am ‘forced’ to be around.

of course there are people I have connected with and enjoy being around, but I can count them all on one hand with fingers to spare.

not too sure if I’m looking for help, just to know if anyone else has a shared experience.

cheers.

[Acanthiza]

Hi @ahiddenmaze I also have trouble making new friends except superficially. I'm sure a lot of it is because my mental illness makes me think a lot of wild things and be insular.

But I also feel a gulf because of the experiences I have had. When you have been on the extremes of emotion it can be hard to relate to people that haven't felt that sometimes I think.

[Paperdaisy]

Hey @ahiddenmaze Thanks for sharing. I think relationships change over time and as we get older we seek more meaningful relationships and are perhaps a bit more considered about who we spend time with. You know yourself best though..

I know for me, covid had a big impact on my friendships. What do you think? 

[Tranquil_Atoms]

Hi @ahiddenmaze,

Welcome to the forums, it's great to have you here.

I've found making and maintaining friendships to be challenging, it takes a lot of energy out of me.

Do you need to be putting so much energy into finding more at the moment?

It sounds like you have some great connections already. Maybe this could be a good opportunity to reflect on what makes these relationships work well.

Taking time to find yourself is very important it can help to get a different perspective of what's going on in your life.

You're not alone in this struggle.

Do you think that maybe some of your peers could also be feeling this way?

[scruffypuffball]

@ahiddenmaze @Tranquil_Atoms @Paperdaisy @Acanthiza 

story of my life really.  I used to blame myself, I am an introvert etc, but then I read an article where they said it is the fault of capitalism.  We spend 40hrs a week working and dont have much time for anything else.  It takes a lot of time investing in building communities.  Work atomizes us, takes us away from building relationships and communities and it is resulting in a loneliness epidemic. 

Neoliberalism is creating loneliness. That’s what’s wrenching society apart | George Monbiot | The G...

[Acanthiza]

@scruffypuffballI certainly don't work 40hrs a week heh. But you are right society has changed a lot. Not to say there wasn't always mental illness in fact it would've been a lot more stigmatised with way less support and solutions and so forth. Yet the fact remains that a lot of social structures and particularly a sense of community has been eroded by the more individualistic approach of modern capitalism. OK I could write an essay on it and probably would if I was still in uni (10 years ago? Really!?)

It goes beyond just work being isolated I think, it is also an end result of everything becoming commodified and how we ascribe value to things. Alright I will stop myself there before I really get going...

[scruffypuffball]

@ahiddenmaze @Tranquil_Atoms @Paperdaisy 

@Acanthiza i was quoting what the article said regarding the work thing, i tried to find it in google but couldnt, I think i have it saved somewhere but I dont have time to dig it out at the moment.  yes u r right about atomization, we are all numbers now...

Apparently before capitalism there was community.  the nuclear family is a capitalist construct as well.  I didnt know that.  But it takes a village to raise a child and the village seems to have gone...i have more deeper analysis in my brain.  The notion of a behavioural sink is one.. Political Ponerology is another.  Please note with the rats in the behavioural sink, no one seems to mention the rats "lost it" because they were taken out of their natural habitat.  They were not designed to exist in a sterile environment in a box.  I am guessing industrial civilization has taken humans away from our natural habitat - the wilderness, and now we are losing what it means to be human...connection and care, not just ourselves but the environment that sustains us.  I have read indigenous culture is the way forward, they went through their crises and got through it.  It's in the book The Dawn Of Everything.

I like Jessica's writing style.

https://www.okdoomer.io/were-in-a-behavioral-sink-it-explains-a-lot/

ok enough of the human existential analysis and back to work LOL 😆

[Acanthiza]

I don't agree with some of the stuff in that article, but other things seem bang on. I am always wary when people start talking about human nature or similar things. I'd also be careful about putting indigenous society on a pedestal. There are good things and bad things like always. The best way forward is probably some entirely new kind of thing, there are a lot of genies floating around that won't go back in bottles.

Well that is just one Acanthiza's opinion