Our little family has just had yet another wobbly week. I was feeling very disheartened and overwhelmed last week. I had a severe headache, was feeling financially stretched, fed up with things at home breaking, had motherhood overload, and and and..Then on Tuesday evening, we went to our second marriage counselling session, and It was one straw too many. I cried pretty much non stop that night. Then on Wed, dh went to get his results of his eeg to see if he does have a seizure disorder, and the results weren't in. Because he is getting very down again, his psychiatrist added more medications to his collection, and Dh went on a wobble as he adjusted. So it meant I had to pack up my mini meltdown, pull up my big girl panties, and focus my energy on ensuring he was safe. He spent the tail end of last week, and half the weekend in what I call zombie mode. He is now readjusting, and has said he is wiling to talk with his psychiatrist and psychologist as to whether it is time to try a new approach for his ptsd, like exposure therapy. It made me feel more positive to hear he is at the point he is willing to try something rather than at the point he was, which was saying nothing could help. I cant help feeling frustrated that I don't "get" to have a meltdown... which makes me feel selfish and uncaring. Hey, at least I got a new washing machine after getting my child care rebate lump sum! <br><br>Am I the only one that feels selfish at times when I don't get the freedom to just let go for a bit?
Your weekend sounds tough! It's normal to feel fed up, and after going through this for some time, I think it's natural to feel like this. It seems like for quite some time your feelings have pushed aside so that you can focus on caring for you dh. Thing is though, pushing them away doesn't resolve them, those feelings can linger, and they can build up and bubble away below the surface. Eventually, things can add up so that they spill and boil over - it can feel like you're having a 'meltdown'. It's important to recognise these feelings, and give yourself some space to go through the motions.
You are human. None of us are superhuman. We all have emotions. Carers often feel sad, angry, hurt and resentful at times, and then they can feel guilty and selfish for feeling this way. These are all normal emotions, it does not mean your selfish, it means that you also need to take care of YOU.
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