Lived Experience Forum

[Struggling1990]

I'm just overwhelmed and don't know what to do.

 Im a married mum of 2 young ones and For the past year or so I feel my mental health slowly slipping. The housework is often neglected, items have their own designated spot but I can't seem to ever put them away, I have started many projects with enthusiasm only to give up shortly after then I leave half done projects pilling up in rooms, I find it difficult to maintain my personal hygiene (showering), I often procrastinate over tasks, I mindlessly scroll Facebook knowing there are several emails/texts to reply to, my memory is shocking and often forget details of a conversation even if it was 10mins ago, I sometimes forget to pay bills, my memory loss is impacting work and my colleagues have noticed, I'm tired all the time and sometimes I'm kept awake by random brilliant ideas only to wake up in the morning with 0% interest in carrying it out.

My blood results are fine but my brain just feels like a f@cking nightmare. I want a clean house, I don't want my husband to lecture me about housework like I'm a lazy teenager, I want to set a positive example for my children, I want a home I can be proud of again.

 It's hard to keep motivated and I'll have short bursts every now and then where I'll clean/organise but the next day I'm back to 'lazy' where I'd do anything else to avoid the task and put it off.

[Xibon]

Hey @Struggling1990 

Firstly I want to address real quick that there is NOTHING wrong with you. You are juggling small kids, work, the pressure of modern economic instability and inequality, and a world in which it is often frowned upon to admit vulnerability - feeling overwhelmed seems very valid. You are worthy of happiness and respect just as you are, no matter what.

It's truly very courageous to reach out and admit vulnerability, especially when we have put so much pressure on ourselves to be able to 'do it all'. It doesn't help, either, when we feel as though support (whether physical or emotional) is not forthcoming. May I ask if you enjoy time with friends, your kids, or family?

Do you feel as though you are able to talk to your husband about your mental health distress? I would worry about judgement and a lack of empathy given what you have said about lecturing, but I hope this is an option you have.

No matter what anyone says, I am proud of you for reaching out, for posting as your honest self, and want to say that you deserve kindness and are already someone I look up to from the short amount I've read.

[MermaidHair]

Hey @Struggling1990  welcome to the forums, I'm really glad you found your way here 😊

I hear you feel like you're struggling a lot with the demands of motherhood due to these personal struggles you describe, the procrastination, fleeting motivation, doom scrolling, not taking care of yourself and things as good as you think you should. Can I just say firstly you've got a really hard gig! I have 3 young kids myself and I have absolutely been where you are now, I can relate to everything you've said here. It is not easy at the best of times and we are under so much pressure as mothers to be and do it all and it's really not possible, please be kind to yourself.

Aside from your husband do you have much in the way of a support network? Friends, family or much help with the kids?

it's taken time for me to get better at managing my lot and improving my mental health has been the number one key to it, have you spoken to anyone at all about how you're feeling?

As far as keeping motivated with the kids and around the house one thing that has really helped me is to set small tasks or goals. If you try think about and tackle everything I find it can be too stressful and overwhelming, personally my brain will just want to shut down (procrastinate). So I try to think of very small things I can do to improve my situation. Whether its taking a shower, washing my face, cleaning a bench or organising just a corner of a space. It's a really handy hack because often (not always), I feel so good about the small thing I achieved it makes me end up doing more.

Hope this helps, here to chat or vent if you need

MermaidHair

[Hyperballad]

I second @MermaidHair - small goals and steps are a good way to focus when we feel overwhelmed. I don’t have children so cannot imagine what that would feel like but remember that you’re doing a courageous job.