Tremendous song.
I was going to make the title “that’s me in the corner. That’s me in the spot light, losing my [identity]”, but thought that was pretty bad LOL.
I’ve been struggling a lot.
I have noticed that without seeing a psychologist, my mental health has gotten worse and worse. So much sucks.
Prepare for a LOT of ranting in this post.
Work has been frustrating and beyond all, incredibly tiring.
I’ve been angry. In and outside of work, I’ve lost my ability to tolerate. I’m sorry, but I feel like anyone who is rude and just difficult has lost any possible forgiveness from me. Like no punishment can be bad enough for them. I have very violent thoughts, and thoughts of potentially throwing my job away and replying to “serial complainers”. It’s going to happen some day.
I already try to have fun with complaints. Like I saw an advisor say that she found our hold music genuinely painful, as part of complaining about the wait time, and I said “please rest assured if we know our hold music was causing pain, we would have changed it a long time ago.”
It’s an area of the job that we’re expected to just deal with. I especially get frustrated when they say that they have a good relationship with this random person from the complaints department. Why not skip the pain and show respect to everyone? I don’t care what’s going on in their life to get them to that point, I just don’t want it in my life.
Long rant aside, time for some shorter rants.
I’m about to have an arranged marriage. Imminently. Like we’ve booked tickets, to my critically dangerous home country. I don’t want to do it, but I feel like I don’t want to fight it either, especially because I’ve never managed to find someone else. It sucks. It’ll make my life a misery. Marrying a stranger because I didn’t have anyone else. I’ll feel like I have a scarlet letter. Instead of A for adultery, it’s F for failure. For God’s sake, I wish I could qualify to commit adultery. But I feel like I’ll just have to deal with it.
This is just the life I was born into. Much greater people than me have had arranged marriages. People go through worse every day. Not to mention, there’s more to life. So why does it feel like the world is ending?
What more is there to life?
I love reading. The way that’s going brings tears to my eyes. I haven’t read a single page in weeks. I haven’t read a whole book in NINE MONTHS.
I still like working, but I used to really enjoy it, and take pride in it. Now I’m turning up to work almost half asleep. Coffee’s not helping. Beer sort of helps.
I like tea, but it always goes cold before I have it. I barely have enough strength to lift the mug.
I love sport, but my NFL team’s season is over and we’re in a weird period of the year, where not much is happening. As in, NRL and MLB hasn’t started yet, Test cricket is finished…
Speaking of the NFL, remember how I’m having an arranged marriage to someone I haven’t met yet? Taylor Swift is dating literally her seventeenth boyfriend, Travis Kelce. The Chiefs beat MY TEAM in the AFC Championship to get into the Super Bowl. It’s like the world is trying to break me.
That’s when I started noticing how bad my mental health was. Yes, my football team lost, so my life unravelled.
That’s a joke. That being said, I really wish we were preparing to face the Lions in a Super Bowl, but no…
I should probably see my psychologist, huh?
Like I’m struggling to find something to hold on to, and think “at least I’ve got that to ease me”.
I’ve had one sip of my tea, and it was cold. I’m going to cry, I was so excited at first, I bought it new… but tea did nothing wrong, it’s me that’s wrong.
Amidst this goo, a genuine question. Why does Depression get worse when you fail to talk about it with a professional?
Emergency, police & ambulance (24 Hrs)
Connect with a lifeline crisis supporter (24 Hrs)
Suicide callback service (24 Hrs)
Kids helpline (24 Hrs)
13 YARN