Lived Experience Forum

[Overthinker]

Being diagnosed with multiple complex mental health conditions has impacted me in many ways, mainly in doubting myself and my ability to make decisions by myself. 

This cycle of indecision leads to stalemates and I get stuck wondering how to make the right choice. Even when all the logical evidence is laid out in front of me, I just can’t commit to doing what I need to. Is this my mental health? My personality? Both? Who knows. It makes me feel weak and indecisive but I’m working hard to become stronger and more sure of myself. 

[tyme]

Firstly, welcome to the forums @Overthinker ,

What an interesting post @Overthinker . I can see that you are a thinker - just by the way you framed your thoughts.

Personally, I think it can be a mix of personality and mental health. Your personality impacts your mental health, and your mental health impact the traits that appear from your personality... that's my thinking...

I'm also a thinker. 

I'm a lot more steady now though... after MANY years of struggling though.

When you are asked to make a decision, is it because you think of every possible outcome and that's why it's hard to make a decision?

[Overthinker]

Oh thanks for the kind words 🙂

In answer to your question, yes! I always try to consider every option before I make a decision. I also seek guidance from those around me but then I overwhelm myself with information and don’t know what the “right” thing to do is. I can never trust my own judgement because of past experiences but am too head strong to let someone decide for me.

I always try to lead with empathy but feel as though this is hindering my ability to set healthy boundaries. I only mention this because it’s the part I’m struggling the most with.

[Acanthiza]

Do you have anxiety @Overthinker ? I do and I have times where I feel like I never have enough information, get paralysed researching things and so afraid of making the "wrong" choice. It isn't a fun place to be.

I'm interested in your last statement. Are you saying you are choosing the most empathetic option but that can be detrimental to you? Or am I completely misinterpreting.

My issue has always been putting way too much weight on what other people think. Even when I think I know what is right for me I don't trust myself enough so if someone says something against that I go "they must be right" and often do things that are not good for me. Well I am trying to change that more and more.

All the best and welcome to the forum, though I am new here myself, I just talk way too much heh

[Overthinker]

Hi @Acanthiza you’ve hit the nail on the head 🙂

im lucky enough to have most of the acronyms haha, GAD, BP II, PTSD, ADHD and currently under assessment for ASD. 

Your experience sounds so similar to mine, getting stuck trying to find every possible avenue and then not knowing which one to chose. I then rely on other peoples opinions to help me make decisions but find myself resenting them if it turns out to be the wrong one. It’s a definite character floor that I’m trying to work through in psychology but at the moment im just finding it difficult due to some life stressors. I find myself regressing slightly but trying to tell myself it’s ok. 

I also validate myself in other peoples perceptions. I struggle with self image and self confidence and constantly seek approval from others, hoping that someone will “see” me and understand me. It’s alot to ask considering I don’t understand myself 😂

im trying to snap out of some of this wiring in my confused brain but just don’t know how. 

Sorry for the ramble 😂 I think my anxious brain is in overdrive 

[Doog]

...throw a bit of OCD and season with some BPD. But where is "me" in all of this...

[Acanthiza]

I love a good ramble @Overthinker , I've only recently been diagnosed with bipolar 2 and I am looking back at a lot of things in my life and going "huh, that makes sense then" including having very low confidence / self esteem but then sometimes way too much confidence which in retrospect was hypomania. Makes sense since it felt like "hollow" confidence and was not sustainable or conducive to useful behaviour.

As for people understanding you... yep it has been a big issue for me too, I guess that is just how it is with a mental illness. Very hard to relate sometimes, well i wrote in another thread about that.

You and @Doog seem to really be getting all the letters between you. I have talked to people with some of the things like ADHD and OCD before joining these forums and they certainly seem to have their own unique flavour of difficulty. Thought I might have had BPD before getting a bipolar diagnosis because there is a lot of similar stuff in there.

Like always I wish there was more general awareness and education on mental illness. If I had known properly about anything (anxiety, depression, the fact that bipolar 2 exists) it would have made my life easier. OK going on a tangent to a tangent. Oh one more thing about regressing since you mentioned it, as I'm sure you know and everyone else with mental illness there isn't like a linear progression.

That is the public perception where there is something wrong and you just get better and better until you are fixed but the reality is you bounce all over the place and with a lot of trial and error and hopefully understanding and help from others you eventually have tools that can help but are not guarantees.

I will get off my soapbox now. I don't even know where I found this thing they don't sell soap in boxes like this anymore.

[Overthinker]

Hahahah your soapbox is very helpful! I only just signed up to the forum a few days ago and so glad I did. I’ll be honest I was sort of expecting to post something with no response but having people who understand is so comforting 🙂

I’m lucky that I have access to support groups and lots of tools in my toolkit from psychology that are helpful but when I'm in a hypomanic state I just can’t seem to focus on the activities that I know will help. It can be a vicious cycle!

I’m trying to run with the hypomania in the safest way possible and allowing myself small things of joy (ie; I took myself to the opshop with just a $5 note) while trying to not let it get away from me.

I’m feeling frustrated with the health system also at the moment because again, I’m lucky and have a private psychiatrist and psychologist on board supported through the NDIS and my family but I can’t access those supports for quite some time.

I like to think of myself as a good researcher and find knowledge comforting so I’m also engaging in learning more about myself from trusted sources. This seems to be helping but I also worry that I’m latching onto tasks to keep myself busy. Who knows 😂 these questions are why I’m wanting to access some professional supports but just unable to at the moment.

This forum has truly, truly helped and I can’t thank you all enough for your thought provoking, insightful and sometimes hilarious insights.

I’m trying to take back the word “psycho” because I’ve been psychotic before so I’d like to say you guys are all super psycho cool haha. Hope this doesn’t offend 🙂 I like to try and put a positive spin on it because it’s a word that some people have used against me.