Lived Experience Forum

[Kriss]

Heya everyone, I'm pretty new here but I've been trying to figure out what to do in this situation.

So, I notice how my body tends to be during certain moments, chest pains and all that. I also notice how difficult it is to speak when it's really bad. I know it's likely from emotional distress but during these times where it's hard to speak to people, what should i do?

I mean, I can sometimes force it out- it's just- really tiring- kinda painful.

It's not exactly a panic thing? Or maybe it is? It's hard to tell because I end up shutting everything inside a lot and it's a work in progress with you know, not doing that.

Someone suggested TIPP skills, but in times where I just- really can't- and someone's putting the kinda pressure on and doesn't have much of an understanding, what should i do? I did think of signing or using my phone but not everyone can understand sign language.

Just hoping someone can give some advice, thanks!

[Asgard]

Hi @Kriss 

Firstly welcome to the Forum, reaching out is always the best way to start your recovery process,  so well done.

Just wondering if you have spoken to your GP about your issue, and they would be able to direct you to the appropriate service.

I don't really have any advice, but the forums are a treasure throve of people who are possibly going through the same thing.

Sending you best wishes

[8ppleTree]

Hi @Kriss 

Welcome to the forums 🙂 Nice to 'meet' you!

Well, your body sounds like it's working really hard to take a break. It's not always convenient though, right? Have you investigated the physical and emotional signals with a professional? Sometimes, that can give insight into the more comfortable or correct coping methods, for you. 

How would it feel if you were listened to in the first stages of the 'shutdown'? Do you know your initial warning signs or triggers?  

What is your goal? Do you want to be left alone until it passes, or do you want to communicate throughout it? What feels right, for you? 

Hope my questions are helpful, not pressuring! The idea of the phone seems good, maybe a pre-written note that says, "I'm fine, but temporarily unavailable to chat. I'll check in with you soon..", or something to that effect?

Thanks for sharing. Hope you get some ideas that are helpful here on the forums 🙂

[Tranquil_Atoms]

Welcome to the forums @Kriss,

It's great you are reaching out to the community for advice. It's not always easy talking about this kind of stuff, but you've made a solid first step into finding answers.

First off I would like mention that you're not alone in what you're experiencing, I too share these moments of shutdown. In my experience I have found that it's my bodies way of telling me that I've been putting it through too much. In these times I find it's most important to reflect on what has been going on leading up to this moment.

Are there any stressors or triggers you can identify in your life?

Do you find it happening around certain situations? 

Please don't feel pressured to answer these here if you don't feel comfortable in doing so, I am just asking in hopes of guiding you in the right direction.

Everyone's journey starts somewhere, just remember to be kind to yourself along the way. 

[Kriss]

Oh it's mainly my home life and family that kicks it into overdrive. I'm trying my best but it's definitely hard. I'm kinda afraid of them? My feelings are incredibly mixed with them and I just end up, completely blocking out all i feel because it's too much.
Thanks for the reply!

[Kriss]

very helpful, thank you! I'll have to give it a think.

[Failed]

Hi,

Not being able to talk is common with anxiety ie we have fight, flight, freeze responses to what our brains perceive as a threat. Our not able to talk is just an ultra freeze state where our brain is protecting us.

I know exactly what you mean. Trying to verbalise when in this state (definitely my anxiety) is guaranteed if it comes out, it's slow, wobbly, jerky, emotional. I especially experience it if I have to ring up a business and especially a govt department, but it could also just be to order take away. Asking for help to find something in a shop is trouble too. Body freezes and intense pressure inside knowing it's building up trying to come out of my mouth. 

I manage better now by saying up front to the shop person or on the phone that I suffer from anxiety disorder and it's difficult for me to verbalise without sounding upset. If i sound upset please ignore it. That's my life. Just talk normally to me and ignore if I sound anxious or distressed.

Of course it isn't always that long, but once said, it takes away the fear of what they think of me etc and I continue on sometimes with very marked speech impediment or in tears. Breathing is ragged and an effort to do so.

I must admit, since I started warning them up front and that I was capable of completing the task, I have 99% found people respond to this is a postive way and let me go at my own pace. Some I can tell may feel uncomfortable, mainly because they're not sure if they are doing the right thing. Works WONDERS in a shop as they go and search what you are looking for. Then again, I'm old, but I believe most will treat you with empathy and respect since you were brave enough to bring it up.

If you really can't get a word out to give that heads up to them, if it was me, I would carry a nice card with the above expalanation if you know you just need some time to start (put that on there too). If you REALLY can't talk carry a notebook and write down what you need to say. You can just say sorry, you're unable to talk and they'll think you literally can't. You could even have a small note / letter prepared to give to them if you need something specific.

My experience has been voice coming out very emotional and body shaking to start with but years later, it comes naturally and although I still may warn them, I don't suffer as much because I know I don't have to be perfect. A 'thank you for understanding" at the end feels good too.

Being prepared is the key so you can call on whatever tool you have to be able to communicate even if it's not how we would like. People nowadays understand more than they did 10 years ago and often give you extra help.

Good luck

[Tranquil_Atoms]

Hi @Kriss,

It's very common to feel family and home life to be the cause. I myself have progressed a lot in my own journey but still find I can be triggered by the one's closest to me. Spending some time with a psychologist has helped me with navigating through these difficult feelings.

Would this be something you feel could help with your own journey?